


The Butler and the Assassin

by michiyorain



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 19:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 47,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17883602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michiyorain/pseuds/michiyorain
Summary: Gon receives a letter from the father he never knew, telling him to find out for himself the reason why he chose to serve the infamous family instead of staying with his only son. Thus, Gon heads to Kukuroo mountain to apply as a butler where he meets his "reason" in the form of a spoiled rebellious teenage assassin.





	1. Prologue: The Butler

Gon Freecs was, and always had been, an energetic, curious creature. Growing up in the loving care of everyone he ever met, it would be surprising to know that Gon never knew his real parents. He had been adopted by his Aunt Mito, his father's cousin, since he was a baby. Ever since then, he had been living in Whale Island, in a cottage on top of a hill, with his Aunt and Grandmother. His had always been a blessed life, full of love, care and happiness.

He spent his days fishing and hunting for game. He was naturally strong and agile, more so than any kid his age. When he was twelve, his aunt had allowed him to join some fishermen who specialized in capturing rare deep sea fishes. During a mishap when a sea monster attacked the crew, Gon had unknowingly forced open his dormant micropyles, and managed to push back the fierce creature into the sea. It had some repercussions on him, though. The sudden release of aura had broken the bones in both of his arms. As luck would have it, among the people who tagged along had a rudimentary understanding of Nen and had taught Gon the basics on the journey back.

Since then, the boy had studied on his own in order to master Nen. His Aunt Mito had been worried sick about his sorry state when he came home but was dumbfounded when the boy just grinned toothily. To Gon, danger gave him a thrill like nothing else in Whale Island. He loved Whale Island and everybody in it, but there was something, something missing that he can't exactly pinpoint. He had spent countless nights agonizing over that feeling of pointlessness, trying to find that purpose in life he should already know about.

In Whale Island, Gon Freecs already knew what's in store for his future if he stays in the island. He'd enter a formal profession at 15, marry a girl at 20, have children at 22, and work until he's old enough to pass his trade to his children. That's how life had been for everyone else around him. Even Aunt Mito was starting to invite village girls for lunch or dinner every now and then. Actually, Gon didn't find anything wrong with following the status quo. Life goes on. But whether he thinks that's the way his life should truly go, he's not so sure about that. Because Gon Freecs wants to experience more to life than that.

Take his old man, for example. Everybody said that Gon was very much like his father had been at his age. Ging Freecs was bright, talented, hard-working, and widely popular among the populace. He was the golden boy of Whale Island, everyone had high expectations of him, such as being the best of any trade he'd ever pick, marrying the most beautiful girl in the Island and producing his requisite number of wide-eyed children.

But such expectations were never to be fulfilled. One fine day when he was 14, Ging Freecs disappeared from the island. No one knows where he went or if he's even alive. Years passed, and people had almost forgotten their beloved wonder boy, but one fine day, eight years to the day he had disappeared, Ging Freecs reappeared, carrying with him a newborn Gon. Before the villagers could even make heads at what's happening, Gon was left in the care of his Aunt and Grandmother and Ging had left the island again, this time, never to return.

And at 14, Gon finds himself considering his father's life decisions. He already knows there were a lot of things that were unknown to him, that if he ever ventures out of the island, he'll find what he was missing. Out there, in the vast world, was the reason his father never came back to him. Out there, was something more important than Gon had ever been to his own father.

In all his life, Gon had never resented Ging's choice to leave him behind. He was very much aware that people sometimes have to make sacrifices. His Aunt Mito was a shining example of that. She had foregone raising a family of her own in favor of raising Gon. That was because of love, Gon knew, and he also knew that what Ging had done was done out of love, love for something that Gon is just not yet aware of.

So when the postman knocked on their door one lazy late afternoon instead of just slipping the mail in their mailbox, Gon knew something was amiss. The hurried look on the old postman had been his first clue as the man all but shoved a small parcel in his face, telling him it was from his father. Gon turned it over in his hand and indeed, his father's name was written on the upper side, but not where it came from, and it was addressed to Gon. Having never received any letter or parcel in his life, he was a bit surprised it was actually for him and not his aunt Mito.

Without a moment to lose, he had ripped the neat packaging. Inside was a metallic box. He turned it over in his hands but couldn't find any crevice or openings. He rattled it, and the sound from the box indicated that there was certainly something inside. After thanking the old postman who had stayed out of curiosity, Gon closed the door and rushed to his room, locking the door behind him.

At first, he had tried breaking the box. But after repeated hits with a hammer and throwing it against the wall, Gon settled down on his bed, box in hand. There was only one other thing he could think of that could possibly open the box.

Gon loved improving his Nen ability but always put it on the backburner in his everyday life. No one on the island used Nen, either for combat or defense, only a handful of people was even aware it existed. What he knew about it, he learned from books in the public library and by practicing on his own in the forest. All in all, it was a useless ability in the island…he didn't even need it to hunt the most difficult game. Another reason why he was getting bored of the island.

Gon held the box with both hands, concentrating his aura on the box. Not even three seconds passed before he heard a soft click, followed by the box falling apart until what was left in his hands was a tape cassette. After rummaging in his closet for his old radio component, he went back to his bed and played the tape.

" _Hello, Gon_ ," a deep, steady voice floated into the room. Gon felt himself break out in sweat, eyes wide in anticipation. Was it really..?

" _I know this might come as a shock to you, but I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce myself to you. I am your father, no matter how much I don't deserve to be called as such_ ," there was a chuckle. Gon swallowed, finding his throat dry. It was really Ging. After all this time, he had been alive and had never forgotten Gon.

_"I'm sorry I wasn't at your side while you're growing up. I am a very selfish person. Your mother said so, too, before we went our separate ways. I had initially wanted to leave you with her, but she refused to raise you by herself so I came back to Whale Island and left you with Mito. She is the most motherly person I have ever met, I was sure I'm leaving you in capable hands. But, Gon, I don't regret what I had done and the choice I had made back then_ ,"

" _When I was your age, I was restless. I wanted to see the world, I want the thrill of the unknown, I want the rush of danger. I'm sure you are also feeling that right now, you're my son. But such curiosity could only bring you so far. It wasn't enough for me and it left me in despair._ " Gon took in a deep breath, burying his face in his hands. So his old man was just the same as him after all.

"A _nd then, a stranger appeared before me and became my best friend. But in order to stay by his side, I had to leave yours,_ " Gon nodded in understanding, as if his father had been talking to him in person. He never held resentment for his father's actions before and he wouldn't start now that the old man was surprisingly bothering to explain himself, something Gon never expected him to do.

" _Gon, that decision had saved me, and I'm convinced it would save you, too, so there's something that I want you to do,_ " Gon's ears perked up, and he stared attentively at the radio.

" _I want you to come to where I am and determine for yourself the reason I chose to stay here._ " Gon stilled, his mind processing his father's words. " _There's someone I would like you to meet and hopefully, you'd both gain what you're missing before it's too late. I pray that you'd save him as much as he'd save you,"_

So his father wants him to go there and save somebody? Gon wondered, his father's words tumbling in his head, trying to find sense in them.

The recording went on, " _I really want to see you but by the time you receive this recording, I'm already gone from this world. I'm sorry, Gon._ " His father's voice broke but was hidden with laughter again.

Gon froze, silent tears cascading down his cheeks as he mourned a stranger who happened to be his father. He stayed still as the tape played out, wiping his tears at his father's last words, eyes burning with determination.

" _I am Ging Freecs, the Head Butler of the House of Zoldyck._ "


	2. The Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon heads to the Zoldyck estate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gon's and Killua's current abilities in this fic are how I think they would have progressed if I follow their current status in the manga. They've always been overpowered youths anyway, so I guess, this isn't much of an exaggeration for Gon. Killua did open up to the 5th gate just after the Chimera Ant arc. In this fic, just imagine they had already gained all their Nen abilities.

Gon stared in awe as he stood in front of the massive gates of the Zoldyck estate.

It had been almost a week since he had left Whale Island. The very same night he received his father's message, he had informed his Aunt and Grandmother about his plans of going to his father's place. It pained his heart to break the news of his father's death to his family members. Aunt Mito's voice broke as she refused to cry, trying to give Gon an encouraging smile. The two women then went about making dinner in silence. Gon thought he should appreciate their effort to make at least his last meal in the house a happy occasion. By the next morning, he was waving at the two of them as he sailed away in a passenger ship that would take him to the nearest airport in the next continent over.

It had been all too easy to find the place. After searching briefly on the Net, he learned that the Zoldyck family was considered the deadliest and most infamous assassins the world. The family owns and lives Kukuroo mountain, a dormant volcano in the Dentora region of the Republic of Padokia. It had been indicated as a famous tourist destination, but only up to the main gate. The whole mountain was a restricted area, surrounded by high walls.

He had joined a tour group which had taken him to where he was standing now. He took a deep breath, loving the smell of the breeze, like mystery and danger.

"Outta the way, brat," a brash voice said after bumping into Gon's arm. The teen rubbed his arm and gazed up at the man who spoke. The burly man had a confident smirk on his face and was brandishing a huge sword on his back. Another man, with a lanky build, stood a little off to his side, with a wolfish grin on his face. Gon, deciding that the two were not worth his time, stepped aside quietly. He had sat near the two on the tour bus and they were laughing obnoxiously all through the ride, disrupting the tour guide and other passengers.

He watched as they forced the gatekeeper to open the gate. He was about to open his mouth and call them off when someone grabbed his wrist to stop him from walking over to the guardhouse. "Wha-, can't you see what they're doing to the old man?" he reiterated.

"Shut up and just watch," the man blew a puff of smoke at the black-haired teen's face, causing Gon to wrinkle his nose in discomfort. His eyes went back to the aggravated old man, who was handing the two assailants a key for the small brown doors off to the side of the main gates. The two had even laughed out loud before shutting the doors after them, bragging to themselves about how easy it was to enter the famous house.

"Old man, are you alright?" Gon asked as he went over to the old gatekeeper who was wiping his face with a handkerchief. He didn't know if it was just his imagination but the gatekeeper seemed more than a little surprised to see him but did not voice anything out. Only straightening up and smiling at him, a soft expression on his wizened face. "Does anything hurt?"

Right then, his attention snapped to the brown double doors when two blood-curling screams filled the air. He could feel all the other tourist freeze, some even starting to step back to the bus. Then the door opened, and two skeletons appeared, but what drove the other tourists screaming and Gon in alert was the large clawed paw they were dangled in. It dropped the skeletons and retreated inside, the doors automatically shutting.

Sensing that the danger was over, Gon relaxed with a deep sigh. He had prepared himself for increasingly bizarre encounters when he decided to leave Whale Island, but still, he was still caught off-guard. He then cracked a smile, thinking that the world seemed to get more unexpected and more exciting by the minute.

After informing the guide that he wasn't coming back with them, the bus left leaving him alone. The old man was already disposing the skeletons into a garbage can, mumbling about the two men upsetting Mike's meal times. "Well then, who do we have here?" the old man addressed him as he moved closer to where Gon stood, wiping his hands after handling the skeletons. The brown-haired man who stopped him before made his way to the gatekeeper's house, leaving the two of them.

"I'm Gon Freecss. I came here after I received a message from Ging, my father," Gon explained.

"Oh," The old man tapped his fist into his palm in realization, "You're Ging's son! I thought you looked alike! So that's it!" he exclaimed, reaching for Gon's hand and shaking it, "Hey, Seaquant!" he turned towards the guardhouse, and Seaquant popped his head out the door with an uninterested look, "That Ging's son actually came!"

Seaquant gave him an annoyed look, "Tsk. What kind of woman put up with that moron, I'll never know," then he went back inside again.

"My name is Zebro and I knew your father before-," The old man turned his attention back to Gon, who was starting to feel a little uncomfortable with the mixed reception, "Do you already know about Ging?" he asked.

Gon nodded, "Yes. By his message, he told me to presume he is already gone from this world."

"Hmm. Then are you here to collect his belongings?"

"No. He asked me to come here," he said with a determined look on his young face, "So, here I am,"

Zebro chuckled heartily, "That Ging, bothering people even in death," he then walked back to the guardhouse, "I'd make a call for you to the butler's quarters, come over here,"

Gon cricked his neck and followed, finding the man named Seaquant reading a newspaper in front of the desk and Zebro on the phone on another side table. Gon stood in the middle of the small room, waiting. He didn't know how to go about it but he was determined to stay for as long as he can.

After a small exchange with the person on the phone, in which he introduced Gon, Zebro handed the phone to the boy. Gon took the phone and placed it to his ear, "Hello, this is Gon,"

" _This is Gotoh, a butler. What did you come here for?"_

"Ging wanted me to come here."

" _For what reason?"_

"As for the reason, I was told to determine that for myself. He also wanted me to meet somebody, but didn't say who it is. There are a lot of things he said that I didn't understand,"

" _I see. Am I to assume that you wish to be admitted to the estate for an indefinite period of time?"_

"Yes. I'd like to stay until everything he said becomes clear to me,"

" _We don't accept guests. If you want to stay, you'd have to work,"_

"That's fine by me. I'm not here to be a burden in the first place."

" _Then I accept your application as a servant of the House of Zoldyck. As your first task, do get here in half an hour."_

After a click, Gon gave the receiver back to Zebro who had an eyebrow raised in question. Gon laughed sheepishly, "He told me to get there in half an hour," he didn't even know where that is.

Seaquant and Zebro looked at each other before turning back to Gon, "Stupid. You're just like your bastard of a father," Seaquant snorted, walking out of the guardhouse, leaving Gon with a confused expression.

Zebro smiled at Gon, patting his head, "Don't mind what he says. He's actually really upset your father went the way he did. He and Seaquant were drinking buddies,"

"Hey, hey! Are you coming out or what?! You're wasting your time!" Seaquant called.

Gon nodded enthusiastically, coming out after Zebro. Seaquant was standing in front of the huge gate, arms crossed, scowling at them to hurry up.

"If you want to enter the estate safely, you go through this gate or else Mike will pick you clean like those two morons earlier," Seaquant said, pointing his thumb at the steel door, "We call this the Testing gate. It has seven doors. Each panel of the smallest door weighs two tons, the succeeding panels weighing twice as much as the panel below it. It's designed to open the door corresponding to the strength of the force you put in. Opening the first door is just the bare minimum requirement for all servants. Any idiot worth his shit should be able to do it," he explained albeit looking like he couldn't give a fuck, moving away from the door so Gon could take his place.

"Give it all you've got, young Gon. How many doors you can open is also taken into consideration when they assign you a job. The gate automatically closes so when it opens, enter immediately. You'd reached the butler's quarters if you just follow the path inside, but hurry up, it's pretty far away," Zebro added, standing beside Seaquant at a considerable distance.

"Osu!" Gon readied his stance. He stood in front of the heavy gates, activating his Ren to gather all his strength. "Err…how many tons to the seventh door?"

"256! My god, simple math!" Seaquant spat out.

Gon winced. Well, what can he do, numbers always hurt his brain. "Here I go," he took a deep breath and adjusted his footing, putting his palms against the door. And with a war cry, pushed against the cold steel with all he was worth.

Zebro gaped as Seaquant let out a small whistle, both staring in awe as the doors opened…all the way to the top. No one aside from the Zoldyck family members and Ging had been able to do that. Aside from Ging, all other veteran servants could only open up to the fifth door at best. Seaquant smirked, trying to contain his laughter.  _Goddamit, Ging. As expected, your spawn is as much of a monster as you._

Gon stepped inside as instructed, looking back just before the doors closed, "Thank you, Zebro-san, Seaquant-san! I'll visit you sometimes!" he promised, grinning from ear to ear as he waved at them until the door fully closed.

Zebro chuckled as he put down his arm after waving back at Gon, "Ging sure produced a splendid son." Then his smiled turned into a frown as he remembered the deceased man, "It's a pity they never met."

Seaquant grimaced, "Che. Making me send that recording only if he dies," he said as he went back to the guardhouse, "I wouldn't pity the boy. I wouldn't have wanted to see the man who easily cast me aside anyway,"

* * *

 

The room was dark and empty, dead silent and the temperature almost freezing. The lone occupant sat on the floor against the wall opposite the door, arms folded around bended knees, staring off into nothingness. Despite wearing only drawstring cotton pants, the young man did not shiver. He had been used to extreme conditions. He had been tortured and trained as such since birth.

The young man's name was Killua Zoldyck, third child of the family of assassins, a killer with prodigious talent, able to take a person's life in the blink of an eye with little to no further ado.

But right now, that young man is sitting alone in this freezer-like prison, bruised and battered all over. His white hair was stringy with dried up blood, his various cuts with the blood frozen over due to the cold. His face was swollen, barely recognizable. His injuries were enough to kill a normal person ten times over and yet, he didn't seem to mind much.

He stared at the door. Any minute now, his older brother would come in and hurt him all over again. But in the deepest recesses of his mind, the part where he still cared about himself, it didn't matter to him how many times Illumi pushes him to the ground and brutalizes him.

Not when he had held that man's warm beating heart in his own hand.

Ging Freecss dying words as the man's limp body fell against him still resounded in his ear ever since that rainy day.

"… _I will never forgive you."_


	3. The Escapee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon catches an escaped prisoner.

_**Three months later…** _

Gon hid inside a bush, looking at the clearing below him where Mike was sniffing, trying to find him. Gon grinned when the animal perked up in his general direction before running full speed, making the earth shake with each fall of its massive paws. The raven teen let out a laugh as he jumped out of his hiding place, hitting the ground running into the forest, the beast hot on his heels.

"Run, Mike, run!" Gon yelled, hopping onto a boulder, looking back to check if the beast was following before sliding down the side of the hill. Mike had been a bit sluggish lately and when Gon found the large flab of fat on the animal's belly, he had scolded the animal for being too lazy and had taken it upon himself to see that Mike was properly exercised.

Mike obediently chased after his young caretaker. Gon had played with him every single day since he had entered into service, being appointed as an apprentice butler. When Gon had entered the estate, he was strong enough to be on par with the veteran butlers. By then, he was both young and inexperienced in being a servant so Gotoh had initially placed him along with the other trainees for proper instruction. But Gon proved to be too much to handle. He was on a different level than his classmates and the instructors had decided that they had nothing to teach him and the only thing lacking in him, compared to the other servants, was loyalty to the Zoldyck family. They had agreed that it was something Gon would have to gain by himself through experience, so he was fast-paced from trainee to apprentice butler in a little over two weeks when it would have normally taken other applicants two years.

Gotoh made full use of the fact that Gon grew up surrounded by nature and made him a roaming butler. He didn't have a permanent post to guard, but is free to run around the forest surrounding the mountain. However, he was also in-charge of the upkeep of the forest, making sure than the animal populations were well-balanced and the eradication of diseased plants before it spreads to other trees. It was also his role to get rid of intruders, though Canary is very efficient at her post already. Gon actually never had a chance to fight once the intruders reaches Canary's post so he's already lucky to see action if he manages to find the intruders before Mike does.

Gon spent his days climbing the tallest trees in the forest and getting a feel of the place, watching out for any abnormalities. When he gets bored, he play-fights with Mike, and has tea with Zebro and Seaquant at the gatehouse for afternoon snack. He has his own room in the Butler's Mansion which he rarely uses. He only ever comes back there to change his clothes and take baths, and only sleeps there at most thrice a week. Though he takes most of his meals in the house along with the other butlers, he also eats in the forest every once in a while so when he doesn't show up on time for meals, the others knew he was eating elsewhere.

Since Gon was good at looking after himself, Gotoh and the others no longer bats an eye when they fail to see Gon for 2-3 days, though they also start commissioning a new uniform for him whenever he does so, seeing as he often finds ways to ruin his high-quality combat-ready uniform in ways they could never imagine. His uniform consisted of the standard uniform suit, but for Gon, they had the pants altered to shorts so he could move around easily because the poor kid looked like he'd suffocate, as well as it just did not generally look right on him, if forced to wear a formal suit all the time.

Gotoh watched from the balcony of the Butler's Mansion as Gon was chased by Mike across another clearing. The teen's childish behavior did not surprise him anymore. Ging was almost the same when he was alive. But unlike Gon, who accomplished his work diligently and responsibly before doing what he wants, Ging was always getting into trouble and was highly irresponsible. Ging never took his duties as "Head Butler" seriously so the managerial legwork fell on Gotoh's shoulders, who juggled taking care of the family as well as overseeing the other servants.

Ging's carefree attitude towards his job often left everyone in despair, but, for some reason, everyone was fiercely fond of him, and Gotoh, unfortunately, was just the same. Ging had an uncanny ability to pull everyone around him into his own pace. Gotoh broke into a rare sincere smile. Despite his numerous idiosyncrasies and gross misdemeanors not limited to showing up butt naked at the Mansion (his excuses had varied from being attacked by rabid perverted female raccoons to falling into puddles that magically dissolved textiles) after going MIA for days, Ging was well-loved.

Even after his death, Gotoh would not dare inherit the title of "Head Butler". In his mind, he would never do a better job than Ging, and no one was worthy to replace him. No one had the same level of power and loyalty to the Zoldyck family like Ging Freecss. It was those same qualities that had led to his untimely demise.

When Gotoh first laid eyes on Gon, who by the way had arrived at the mansion in only twenty minutes, he was convinced that the young man was special, in every way like his father. After saying his standard condolences for the death of his father just for courtesy's sake, he had informed the boy about his father's lack of belongings. Ging had set all his belongings down to his uniforms to self-destruct at the moment of his death, like he was determined to wipe out all the traces of his existence. Gon was surprisingly pretty accepting, despite looking like he had lots of questions with those wide brown eyes of his. He had obediently done all that Gotoh required of him, with so much vigor like he was proving himself with every little thing he does. If everything goes according to Gotoh plans, Gon just might be what he was looking for as the Head butler for the next generation of Zoldycks.

"Hishita," Gotoh called out and Hishita appeared at the doorway with a small bow. "I think Gon would require additional uniforms again," he said, Hishita walking over to him to share his vantage point. Indeed, Gon would soon be coming home again to get clothes. The teen was currently caught under Mike's paws. The two didn't even bat an eye as the gigantic dog proceeded to swallow the struggling teen whole.

"How many times does that make this month?" Hishita sighed, pulling out his radio transmitter to call the resident seamstress.

"Eighth this month, the second this week, he said a baby foxbear clawed his uniform on Monday," Gotoh answered, watching as Mike headed back to the forest.

Hishita scoffed, walking back to the house with a fond smile, "I'd force him into the bath when he arrives, don't worry," he informed Gotoh, knowing the man disliked disorderly things and smelly things even more so.

Gotoh nodded, and looked at the slowly darkening sky, thunder rolling in the distance. He went back inside the mansion and had all the shutters closed. Ever since Ging died, rainy days gave him bad feelings and it seems this day was no exception, he thought as he basked in the dim glow of the lights.

* * *

It had started out as mere taunting on his part. He just wanted to get back at Killua for wounding him last time and Illumi, Silva and Zeno happened to be out on jobs. He had heard that Killua hardly cared to retaliate or even reacted for that matter anymore from his mother so he had confidently ventured into the freezing room, whip in hand.

He barely opened his mouth and cracked his whip when Killua stared at him, eyes dripping with bloodlust. From then on, Milluki vaguely remembered seeing Killua move towards him, hand morphed into claws, lunging at him. And when he opened his eyes, he was laying on the ground with a hole in his shoulder, his mother shrieking over him, blaming him for Killua's escape.

He immediately staggered to his feet, and into the deserted corridor. The house had a certain stink to it again. It smelled like blood and death more than any normal day. Milluki turned a corner and paused as he saw the way blocked by bodies upon bodies of servants, in varying states of dismemberment. Whether it was by Killua's hand or his mother's rage, he didn't know. Despite the wound not bothering him as much as it would a normal person, his vision was beginning to fail him. He must have been bleeding profusely for more than ten minutes already before he had been woken up. He reached his room and went inside, plopping into the chair in front of his computer, eyes searching the screens. His brother can't be too far ahead.

Milluki gritted his teeth as he scanned through the surveillance footages around the whole estate, looking for Killua. He'd make sure that stupid brat of a brother would pay for his insolence. Seeing that Killua was nowhere inside the main house, he started searching through the forest. He slammed his fist against the keyboard when he found out he can't use his bird cameras because of the storm outside. Without further ado, he picked up a phone and called the butler's mansion. Gotoh picked up the phone.

"Find Killua immediately! And bring him back here at all cost!" he shouted before slamming the phone back on its stand. He sat back on his chair, eyes scanning his screens for a certain runaway brother.

"Have you found my Kil yet?" his mother's irritatingly shrill voice demanded from his doorway.

"No, but he still hasn't left the estate. He's hiding somewhere in the forest, but it's hard to see from the cameras, the weather's interfering with me, mother," he answered.

"It's your fault he escaped in the first place! Why did you have to bother him, my Kil's already suffering enough!" he watched his mother leave in a huff, Kalluto silently trailing after her like a baby duckling.

Milluki cracked his knuckles. He'd bring that little idiot back alright.

* * *

"We found him. He's currently two miles to the east from here. The butlers are already engaging him, but they're having trouble holding out," Hishita reported, expression grim. The number of casualties was steadily mounting at the moment. The servants, even the veteran butlers, were having a really hard time restraining the young Zoldyck. Tsubone and Amane were already wounded.

Gotoh nodded, "I'm heading out. Issue an immediate retreat for the others when I get there,"

He barely made it out of the room before Hishita rushed after him, phone in hand. "Gotoh-san, it seems young Killua has already been stopped,"

Gotoh's eyes narrowed, "The masters aren't here. Who in the world-," he stopped, his expression morphing into a look of sudden realization.

Hishita confirmed his suspicion, "Gon did."

* * *

They had all been called to retrieve the young master who had escaped from his isolation. It had been raining hard and the wind blew harshly, impeding their search. But eventually they had found him, making his way towards the gates. They had all frozen when they came upon him, the blood and the murderous aura he emitted from every pore of his body could never be denied. It was so much worse than it had been a few months before and Canary can't help but feel that it wasn't the kind young master she had grown fond of.

When asked to go back to the mansion quietly, Killua had just stood there in the middle of a circle of armed butlers, one hand in his pocket and the other limp against his side, claws out. Canary held on tighter to her weapon when she caught a glimpse of Killua's eyes. If she knew any better, she should be running as fast and as far as she could right now. But orders were orders so she stood her ground, the others around her doing the same, one of them even shaking in fear. Killua looked like he didn't even care what or who he was looking at, as long as he got it out of his way.

Tsubone came forward, bowing in respect, "Please go back to the house, young master. Your mother is very worried about you,"

They gasped when, in the blink of an eye, Killua was almost in front of the old lady, clawed hand aiming for her throat. Tsubone barely managed to dodge but her thigh had been grazed, slicing a line clean from her right hip to her knee. Amane jumped in to help her grandmother, but had been knocked back instantly into a group on incoming butlers. Canary gripped her weapon in front of her. She was the only one left standing in the way, and Killua was slowly walking towards her, rain washing away the blood dripping from his clawed hand, eyes as unforgiving as his stance. Killua suddenly disappeared.

Canary opened one of her eyes prudently. The blow she was expecting never came. She had been knocked to the ground with her arms automatically coming up in front of her face in order to shield herself, no matter how futile an effort it would have been. That had been just a few seconds before. Now she was peering between her hands, there was no one in her sight. "What?"

Gon stared at the figure below him. He had purposely knocked into this person, pushing him away from his friend. But the person had reacted so fast, Gon didn't almost catch the clawed hand aiming at him. So when they hit the ground, he had pinned both wrists above the person's head with one hand, the other wrapped around the person's neck, and straddled him around the waist to prevent him from escaping. The man was so strong, Gon had to use his Nen in order to enforce his hands to hold down the man.

He didn't know who it was, but if it was an intruder, he'd have no choice but to knock him out and leave him to Mike, who had spat him out after Gon pinched his tonsils. He was making his way back to the mansion to change out of his wet and smelly clothes when he had come upon the servants fighting against a lone figure emitting an aura that sent shivers down his spine. The man was dangerous,  _extremely_  dangerous. And when he saw the person about to attack Canary, he wasted no time jumping in.

The person was now staring at him with wide eyes, mouth slightly open in masked surprise. The murderous vibe was instantly gone, and Gon found himself mesmerized by the color of the other's eyes, a vibrant blue, like the sea back in his home. "I don't know who you are, but if you hurt my friends, I won't let you off easily," Gon said. He did have a record of just plain kicking out intruders after maiming them badly, but he did kill, occasionally, when his warnings are not heeded.

Killua can't believe his own eyes. This person cannot be older than himself. And yet the resemblance was unmistakable. He retracted his claws back to his normal hands. He always lost the will to fight in front of those familiar kind brown eyes. Amidst his darkness, it was like a single ray of light. Always saving him, always comforting him. "Who are you?" Killua asked in almost a whisper, unable to mask his disbelief.

Gon relaxed his guard a little. He had a feeling the person wouldn't be fighting back anymore. His expression had softened and despite the raindrops falling on them, Gon thought that the person looked like he was about to cry. He released the person's wrists and neck and skidded a little, allowing the person to sit up, "I'm Gon Freecss, apprentice butler. And you are?" For some reason, he had a gnawing feeling in his gut that this person is not bad.

"Killua Zoldyck." He choked out.

No sooner had he uttered his own name that a hand dropped most painfully on top of his head, "Even if you're our master, you shouldn't be hurting your servants," Gon reprimanded, getting off Killua's lap to stand up.

"Eh?" Killua blinked. He had no clue what the other teen was thinking. His nose bled and he had accidentally bitten the inside of his cheek so his mouth tasted like blood. "Wha?!"

"If you want a fight, you could just look for me. I'll be your opponent anytime," Gon added, arms crossed as he lectured his young master.

Before this encounter, he actually didn't know what the Zoldycks looked like. Pictures of the family, especially the children, were strictly prohibited, even in the trainees' classroom. Only when a servant was assigned to the main house were they allowed to know the faces of the family members and since Gon was posted in the forest, he didn't have to know what they looked like. The family rarely used the gates when they travel so Gon only caught glimpses of them from the dragons and balloons flying in and out of the estate every now and then.

As Killua got caught in a glaring contest against the familiar but considerably younger face, he couldn't help but crack a smile after what seemed like a very long time. He sighed, giving up on his opponent. He can't believe how very easily the father and son could alter his emotions and pull him into their pace.

… _I will never forgive you._

Killua's eyes widened as his heart gave a rather hard beat that felt like his whole body pulsed. He jumped back to his feet, teeth gritted, one hand clutching his head while his dominant hand morphed into claws in what seemed an innate defense mechanism. Gon wrinkled his brows in confusion as he noticed the pained look in Killua's eyes. He tried to reach out but Killua slapped his hand and jumped further back, seeming like he was burned. Gon opened his mouth to say something when he saw the other teen's expression suddenly darken.

"Don't touch me. I'm going back," Killua said and before anyone could react, he was gone.

Gon stared at the spot where Killua had once been seconds ago. Blood and rain was dripping from his right hand where a gash ran from his elbow to his wrist where Killua's claw had grazed him when he slapped his hand away. If he hadn't used his Ren in that split second, Killua could have cut his arm clean. He checked his uniform. He would have to ask Gotoh-san for another uniform again, and he just asked not more than two days ago. He sighed in resignation. He'd get scolded again for being too careless.

He went back to the Butler's mansion along with the other wounded servants, Canary fussing over his wound as she tried to stop the bleeding and thanking him for saving her life. She kept talking to him but Gon for the life of him, can't focus on the conversation.

His mind keeps drifting back to the white haired boy and kept wondering why he seemed so haunted.


	4. The Apprentice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon tries to approach an irrate assassin.

He walked back into his home quietly, stalking the darkened halls, leaving a trail of rainwater as he went. The corridor where he remembered he had killed all those servants who blocked his path was already cleaned up, without a single blood splatter or smell left.

"So, coming back on your own now, huh?" Milluki sneered as he leaned against the wall. His wound was already patched up.

Killua stopped in his tracks and looked at him with an unreadable expression, "Where is mother?" he muttered darkly. The mere sight of his fat brother irritated him to no end nowadays and he always finds himself holding back from slicing his obesed form open. His hand itched to morph into claws. When Milluki did not answer in favor of heightening his guard around his younger brother, Killua repeated his question with an impatient voice, "Where is she?!"

"Is there something you want from mother, Kil?" his mother's voice sounded from behind him, and Killua turned and stalked towards her, hands inside the pockets of his wet pants.

"Give me jobs," he demanded, meeting her gaze with steady blue eyes. His mother smiled down at him, not daring to touch him. Good, she finally knew better.

"Am I hearing that right?" the amusement in his mother's voice was unmistakable, "My Kil is finally the one asking to take on jobs!" she clapped her fan close, and when she opened it again, she pulled out a touch screen phone behind it from seemingly out of nowhere. She scrolled through the list of jobs she had accepted, "The family has 20 pending hits, would you like mother to choose for you?" she offered in a kind voice, as if she's just offering him a different kind of cereal for breakfast.

Killua snatched the phone from her grasp, walking past her on his way back to his room without a second glance, "I'm taking all of them. I won't be back until I'm done,"

Kikyo smiled behind her fan, feeling a bit giddy that the chosen heir of the family was finally taking on his duties seriously. "How cute~,"

* * *

Accomplishing the whole hit list took him two months. Most of the jobs had been easy and simple but a few high-paying ones had included specifications on how they wanted the job to be carried out. One even indicated a poison Killua knew he had immunity to, but he was already far away from home and disliked asking his mother about that certain thing she once put in his sippy cup so he had to go to another continent to hunt for the yellow toad it came from. That took him three days. The longest he worked on a single target was five days. That target ran away to an uncharted deserted island and it was his first time to operate a hot-air balloon by himself. All in all, the hits were worth some 50 billion jenny to his family.

Taking the jobs had taken his mind off things he'd rather not think about. To him, killing was as comfortable as breathing. From the moment he knew his left from right, his hands were already soaked in blood and it had never bothered him. He was made to believe he didn't need anyone, especially friends. He was meant to be alone, without any desires. Anything he did would be for the sake of carrying on the family trade. There was no other way of life, for him or for anyone in his family. It's already too late to change. He's already paid for a reservation in hell, if those gods his targets call upon truly existed.

Two months had given him enough time to clear his mind and accept Ging's words. He's unforgivable, alright. Killua Zoldyck is an assassin, a natural-born killing machine. If he's already bound for hell anyway, one more nail on his coffin wouldn't make much difference. In order to live, he'd have to cast aside all emotional burdens. Ging's death should be of no consequence to him. He shouldn't care at all. People around him tend to die all the time. Ging is no different.

He ignored the gatekeeper's greeting as he opened the testing gate with both hands, opening it up to the seventh door. He had managed that feat for more than two years now but it never ceased to amaze the old gatekeeper. He tucked his skateboard under one arm and stepped through the gate.

"Ooh~ Gon-kun did that too, but I think bocchan does it with more style, right, Seaquant?" the old man said to his fellow gatekeeper as the gate closed behind him. Forcing himself to ignore that little fact, and denying the small corner of his mind that peaked with interest, Killua set out to walk back to his house on the mountain, his steps increasing in pace with every second. He's definitely not trying to avoid meeting a certain apprentice butler. He's just hurrying home, a completely new concept to him. Killua is  _hurrying home._

Killua stopped in his tracks when huge furry creature jumped into his path. Mike lowered his large head in front of him, revealing who was sitting on top of that furry head.

"Oh!" Gon grinned widely, eyes alight with childish glee. "It's Killua! Morning, Killua!"

Killua's eye twitched at being greeted so cheerfully by a person he did not wish to associate with nor ever see again. He better start taking those dragons to work. Sending a dark glare towards the positively sparkling servant, Killua sidestepped Mike and continued on his way. If Gon was any smarter despite how naive he appeared, he would sense that Killua does not ever want to be reminded again that he existed. Alas, that was not the case.

"Eh?" Gon quipped as he directed Mike to trail behind their young master at a leisurely pace. "Are you in a bad mood again? Wanna sit beside me? Wow, your hair is curly."

Killua kept jogging like he never heard him, ignoring the gigantic beast and annoyingly noisy servant hot on his heels, hoping that they'd lose interest in him. But Gon, bless his kind heart, had decided to graze his master's ears with small talk; some mixed up story of fishing, climbing, eating, with some electrocution and zoogeography thrown in there somewhere. Killua was surprised that Gon even knew those words.

"And that's how the third week went. Gotoh-san was quite shocked that the wound you gave me was almost completely healed by then. By the way, I needed 30 stitches for that, you know, and you just grazed me! You're really amazing, Killua! So, I was climbing this sycamore tree-,"

Killua tried to block out his voice but to no avail. He swerved to his left at one turn, straying off the beaten path. Unfortunately, the beast just kept at his heels and Gon continued talking because it wasn't any sweat off his back since he was just sitting comfortably atop Mike's head.

"A baby squirrel popped out! It was so cute! I couldn't find the parents though. I think they were already dead so I brought it home. Canary-san and the other girls liked it so much. Hishita-san even built a little house for it on the tree outside my room. He's surprisingly skilled at woodwork. Oh yeah, we don't have a name for it yet! Do you want to suggest a name? So far we have Penguin from Canary-san, Gobone from Tsubone-baa, guess where that came from, guess, guess! And then Gotoh-san-,"

By the time they had followed him around a lake  _twice_ , Killua's patience finally ran out. "Enough!" he snapped, scaring the animal into a halt and Gon into shutting his mouth. Finally! "Stop following me!" he ordered in a no-nonsense tone, "I don't need to be fucking escorted!" There, he said it loud and clear. Hopefully, they'd get it into their thick skulls.

Gon just blinked innocently at him, "But you're in a bad mood again," he pointed out in a sickeningly whiny voice, lips pursed like a stubborn kid, "I was thinking you might enjoy the company, ne, Mike?" the animal nodded its big head in agreement.

Killua scoffed dismissively, "I don't enjoy anybody's company. Go away before I break both your legs," he said, jumping out of sight and into the edge of the forest. Seeing as the butler and the guard dog were still left dumbfounded, Killua took his chance to run.

"Eh? Then what do you do for fun around here? How about friends?" Good thing he didn't have aneurism because he just felt like a vein had popped in his head. Gon was lagging a few paces behind him, and Killua knew that was by design and not lack of skill.

"I don't have friends," he whispered almost to himself, not fully conscious that he had deigned a response to the apprentice.

Gon's ears perked up as he kept pace with the white haired teen, "Hm? What did you say?" he skidded to a stop when Killua suddenly hopped into a tree branch and peered down at him. Gon met his steely gaze with a curious expression.

"I'm an assassin. I don't need friends. Stop bothering about such useless things." Killua stated in a cold voice, like what he used for blackmailing people into submission, "Actually, stop bothering me altogether,"

"But I just-,"

"Stay away from me if you don't want to die," Killua added a matter-of-factly.

"What?! If I don't die, I can stay with you?"

Killua had to stop himself from banging his head into the tree in frustration. It seems he had overestimated the apprentice butler's brain capacity. He had completely missed the point. Does this person even hear himself? How can he say such illogical and embarrassing things with such a straight face like he really meant it? This person does not even come close to triggering his lie sensors. Gon is really weird. Cheeks slightly warm, Killua retaliated, "People tend to die around me all the time! Why would you be any different?!"

Gon averted his eyes for a second, making a show like he had contemplated Killua's claim, "Hmm…you're right, I'm just the same," he answered nonchalantly, "But you're an assassin, so why would that upset you?"

"You…" the assassin recoiled. The servant was looking at him with an expression that was just daring him to oppose that previous statement, but Killua found himself without any words to say. So he turned away, and said in a low voice, "You just leave me alone, understand?"

"Alright," Gon surprisingly conceded. With another backward glance, Killua took off running.

"See you tomorrow, Killua!" Gon shouted after him in his cheerful voice. "Come find me anytime!"

Killua scoffed, rolling his eyes.  _As if I'd ever see you again, stupid…_

* * *

There's something wrong. There's  _definitely_  something wrong with the world. Just what kind of crazy development did he miss that landed him in this very irritating situation?

Killua dropped on all fours, sweat dripping from his forehead. He was covered in mud and some leaves were stuck to his hair. Gon was rolling on the ground laughing and catching his breath every now and then a few feet away from him. The noon sun shone bright and hot high above them.

Killua panted. Just what the fuck is he doing outside with this moron?!


	5. The Race

" _Let's see…how do we go about this? Hmm…let's keep it simple. Let's play hide-and-seek. I'm gonna hide and you're gonna come find me. Understand, squirt? Alright, here I go,"_

He was three years old and his father had taken him outside the house for the first time for a new kind of training. The black-haired man grinned widely at him, said those words and disappeared from his sight. His father then forbade him from coming back to the house until he had won the game. That was the first time he had met Ging Freecss. It took him a year and a half to see him again. That was when Killua mastered stealth.

" _Man, took you long enough, you little brat! Hmm…here, tiny brats your age guzzle this stuff all the time, right?"_

He was four years old and his eyes widened in childish amazement as he turned over the colorful box in his dirt covered hands.  _What is this?_

The man crossed his arms and raised a brow.  _It's shaped like a robot. Some toy children play. But that's not what I'm talking about. Go ahead and pop it open from the top._

It took a little more coaxing from Ging before he did as he was told (he didn't want to ruin it) and out rolled a brown little ball into his pudgy little hand. He looked up again at the man, who was giving him an impatient look,  _Eat it, you little brat! Goddamn, so slow! I bet my son is smarter than you!_

That was the first chocolate he ever ate. It was delicious and his cheeks warmed with innocent glee, tipping the box over his mouth that his cheeks puffed. He closed his eyes as he savored the sweet taste. And then he felt a fist drop on his head most painfully.  _I didn't tell you to eat all of it, brat! I'm just standing here empty handed and you don't even offer me one? How rude! Learn to share, you little asshole!_

They fought over the last piece left, which Ging won when the older man bit his hand off the box. He grinned triumphantly as he chewed on the last chocolate, the four year old looking up at him with tears welling in his eyes and clutching his bitten hand.  _Nothing tastes better than the last bite!_ He exclaimed mockingly. The little kid glared, swearing the most painful revenge against the old man.

Ging knelt down to his level, gave him a small smile and ruffled his hair,  _Good job today, Killua. You can go home now. I'll see you tomorrow. Come find me anytime._

A few years later, he would look back at that one moment and recognize it as the first time he ever felt happiness.

And when he got to learn Nen, he realized that Ging had thrown that game.

* * *

Killua fixed his boots, dressed in his casual clothes again, consisting of a black tank top and baggy shorts, opting to leave his skateboard since he'd be walking through the forest. It was a normal excursion, he convinced himself. He's just going to take a walk in his house's backyard, so what if it happened to be a forest? It's pretty normal stuff. He's definitely not going to see that kid who looked like Ging. No, thank you. The kid was boring, he was nothing special and Killua was definitely not interested in him. No, sir, he's not going out just to see him  _at all._

"Kil, where are you going?!" his mother's annoying voice erupted from behind him. "You're still grounded!" Another reason why it's better outside. It seems taking jobs is not enough payment for attempting to run away twice.

Since he got home yesterday, it was back to the torture chamber with him. Milluki had come in to vent some stress by whipping him all though the night, though he did not remember much since he had slept through most of it. When he woke up, the pig was gone and his arms did not even get tired from being dangled all night. So he broke out of his chains, and decided that he could do so much better with his day than spend it with the pig.

He turned away from the door to shoot his mother an irritated glare, earning a satisfied smile from his mother and a glare back from Kalluto who disliked Killua being disrespectful to his beloved mother. "If you follow me, I'll kill you," he threatened in a cold voice before pushing the door open and disappearing.

"Ahh~ My Kil is so cruel~" Kikyo beamed as she went back into the house, "Let's have some snacks, Kalluto. Mother is happy today~"

Kalluto rolled his eyes, following his mother. That probably meant he'd have acid in his pies again, or more like pies in acid. Sometimes his mother doesn't even bother concealing them anymore.

When he was a kid, he used to run around the forest all day in order to escape his mother and the pig. It had been good training. It made him learn to mask his presence even before he learned Nen.

Killua walked at his own leisure, kicking a rock in front of him to occupy his time. Hands in his pocket, he glanced around the trees lining the beaten path inside the forest. Today was a bright sunny day. He actually liked taking a walk, and he certainly wasn't going out of his way to look for a certain apprentice butler. Besides, what are the chances that they'd meet at all? If he sees him, he'll just tell him off. Gon should be obligated to obey. Killua's his master, after all, and Gon is a mere servant.

"Gon-kun, take it easy today, will you?"

"Ehh~ It's just a scratch. And Tsubone-baa keeps on cooing over me in the sick-bay, I couldn't sleep a wink!"

A girly giggle, "That's just how she is when the servants are injured! I remember she lovingly spoon-fed Ging-san when he was accidentally poisoned,"

"I think I'm staying with Zebro-san and Seaquant-san for the time being,"

And he certainly did not just hide behind a tree when he heard a certain apprentice butler's voice. He did not realize he was already near Canary's post. And the boy was there, chatting with her like nothing's wrong with the world. His right arm was covered in bandages. God knows what the hell he got himself into in less than a day since he last saw him. He's an idiot anyway. Killua thought that he better casually walk out there and apologize to Canary for almost killing her some months ago. She'd always been nice to him. He should do that, but why the hell wouldn't he move out of his hiding spot?

He snuck a glance back at the two servants, but only found Canary standing there, very much alone, brows knitted in worry. Gon was nowhere in sight. He did not even realize that they'd stop talking. Deliberating what he should do next, Killua's eyes widened when he came face to face with the upside-down face of a widely grinning apprentice butler.

"Yo, Killua! Looking for me?" Gon greeted with a big bright smile. He was currently hanging upside-down from a low-hanging branch above Killua, legs wrapped around the thick branch, arms crossed in his chest. A fishing pole was strapped to his back.

"When did you get there?!" Killua was positively alarmed, pushing back further into the tree, but found that it does not afford him even a feet of space between his and the other teen's face. Their faces were too close for Killua to feel comfortable.

"Before you tried to sneak a glance at us? But I've known you were coming since a mile away," the servant answered with an innocent enough expression that Killua can't help but believe him. That's saying something because he's pathologically distrustful of others. "You smell," Gon added with a gesture to his nose.

Killua narrowed his eyes. He doesn't smell! He took a bath before he came here! He didn't even break a sweat despite walking out in the sun. He drew a deep breath to check. "I don't smell,"

Gon pouted, shaking his head, "You do!" he insisted, "You actually smell the sweetest out of all the people here! More so than the girls!"

Killua's cheeks reddened in indignation. Was he just told he smelled like a girl by such a naïve looking person? "Wha-," not the first time the other's actions had rendered him speechless, "I do not! What are you on about?!"

"Well, if you'd stop eating too much-," Gon suddenly grabbed Killua's collar and pulled him closer, Killua reacting very much like a cat whose tail got stepped on, "-chocolates, I think you wouldn't smell so sweet," he released him, Killua clutching his erratically beating heart as he slumped back against the tree, face flushed.

"You're weird! I'm leaving!" he pushed back Gon's face and walked away, going into the forest.

"Eh~ But didn't you come here to look for me?" Gon asked as he clutched his face. Killua had some pretty sharp nails.

Killua glared back, hands shoved in his pockets, "Don't be absurd! Why would I go out of my way to see a servant?! I don't have that much free time!"

"You're grounded. You do,"

"Tsk." Of course, the servants are informed about that. It wouldn't be the first time he had broken out of isolation and who else would be tasked to find him if not the servants. "The hell…" Killua suddenly got an idea.

The branch fell.

Gon's head hit a rock on his way down, and he sat up, rubbing the smarting bump, "That hurt, Killua." He whined. He sensed it, but he was too amazed that Killua could morph and whip his hand out so fast that he didn't get to react at all.

"Serves you right," Killua turned and left, sliding off a small cliff, despite Gon yelling for him to stop.

"Wait, Killua! Don't-!" Gon yelled, rushing off after the white haired teen, but the tell-tale crack and  _splat!_  had him taking slow backward steps, "-go there…because  _that_."

"Gon, what happened-oh!" Canary gasped as she looked over the cliff. There was a large hole on the ground. Most likely a trap. It must have been so well made that even Killua who was very light on his feet fell.

A muddy hand, grabbed on the side of the large hole in the ground, pulling the equally mud-covered owner up, "Who. The. Hell. Put. A. Fucking. Hole. In. Here." Came a cold, sinister voice from Killua.

Canary gulped nervously as waves after waves of murderous aura were emitted into their general direction. Gon grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, "I put that there as a trap for Mike so when he jumps over this cliff, he'd get his foot stuck there?"

Killua, wiping the mud off his face with the back of his hand, stalked dangerously towards the butler, "I'm gonna strangle-," the ground caved under him again, sending him down a 12-foot hole in the ground with a mud pit at the bottom. There was complete silence and the tension in the air was so thick, Canary felt like she could slice it with a knife.

"Gon-kun, how many did you make?" Canary asked nervously.

"About twenty. It's kind of a trial-and-error thing. I haven't really tested it out on Mike yet," although aware of the intensifying tension in the air, Gon had the audacity to be miffed, "Aww…I just dug those out yesterday,"

"Dead. So dead…" said an ominous voice from the bottom of the pit.

"Sorry, Killua. My bad," Gon smiled apologetically, "I did try to warn you, though, so let's just be thankful you didn't fall into the ones filled with Mike's poop, okay?"

In an instant, Killua had jumped out of the pit and landed a few feet in front of Gon, who immediately shut his mouth. The only thing recognizable from Killua was his blue eyes, filled with irritation. Gon put on his best poker face, holding up a hand, "Sorry, Killua, gotta get back to my job. Play with you tomorrow!"

Canary swore she only blinked and the two were already gone from her sight, a gust of air rustling her hair. She let out a sigh, relaxing her tensed form. She turned to the direction she was positive they had gone to. She sincerely hoped they could get along soon.

* * *

Gon ran as fast as he could into the forest. His eyes roamed his surroundings in full alert. Killua's smell was still strong, so the assassin is just on his tail. But for the life of him, he can't pinpoint the assassin's exact location, a first for Gon. He'd never had an opponent this good.

There's something coming from his back.

He jumped into the trunk of a large tree and kept his momentum as he ran upwards, catching a glimpse of Killua pausing below him with his hand morphed into a claw before disappearing again. The black haired teen landed on a tree branch, scanning the forest, the sounds and the colors.

Gon's attention snapped to his right before he jumped further into the end of the branch, an after image of Killua vanishing in a split second where he had come from. "Oop!" he staggered a bit as the branch was split right where it connected with the tree, and he found himself falling. He heard a crackling sound below him and his eyes widened when he saw Killua standing on the ground with his arms opened wide, spreading a large net of electricity over his head. Gon instantly whipped out his fishing pole and swung his trajectory to avoid the net and land on the forest floor a bit farther from Killua, hitting the ground running as fast as he can again.

Gon wiped his brow. Man, that was dangerous. He smirked. He clearly had no chance of beating Killua with speed. And Gon wouldn't be surprised if Killua had greater physical strength than he does. So if he can't prevent the inevitable, Gon would definitely go down fighting.

He swerved to his right, pushing his legs as fast as they can go. If he could just get to his destination in time, Gon might afford a slim chance of stopping the assassin.

"Caught you now," in an instance, Killua was in front of him, arm forward filled with an electric current just waiting for Gon to ram into, smirking confidently. Gon gritted his teeth and skidded on the ground, using his momentum to slide past Killua, avoiding the claw that struck on the ground where his head had just been.

"Not yet!" he said behind his back as he continued running, letting out a small laugh. He saw the familiar red line he drew on a tree trunk just 50 meters from him. He grinned, now the fun begins.

He stopped and stood on his guard, "Hey Killua!" he called, voice echoing in the forest. He did not expect a response, "Let's play a game!" again, there was no response, "Whoever reaches the flat rocks on the lake first, wins!" a hawk flew out of its nest overhead.

Gon grinned, "Ready, set, go!" and he sped off into the forest.

Killua followed him with a maniacal gleam in his eyes. He's so gonna strangle that idiot servant.

* * *

Gon had never laughed so hard in his life, his eyes welled with tears. He clutched his aching sides, his knees weakening and he fell on the wide flat rock, trying to stop himself from shaking. He knew he could keep his concentration better than Killua does at certain situations, mainly in the child's play category. He could hear the assassin panting some few feet away from him.

He had successfully baited Killua into the obstacle course he had designed a few weeks before. Gotoh-san had ordered him to build one in order to train the new trainees that are vying for the twenty or so vacancies Killua had opened during his latest attempt at running away. He was left to decide the difficulty and duration, so Gon did his best, setting up the traps he had learned while growing up in Whale Island. And Killua fell into most of them. Gon was amazed. Killua did fall into them, but he only set them off and rarely did he get caught. At one point, Gon came careening from the side to kick him into getting hit by a boulder. Though, that immediately backfired when Killua caught his leg just in time and they both smacked face first into the boulder, Gon more painfully so. He managed to run away though before Killua got out of his super pissed mode and moved.

Gon could have won while Killua was distracted but he stayed back and watched Killua get pass through every trap. And through the mud pits, flying arrows, wasp nests, swinging boulders, rotating logs, and extra hits, Gon saw it. And as he was jumping through the air as Killua expertly dodged the activated traps, the raven teen couldn't help but smile widely.

Gon took a deep breath as he laid out on the rock. It was really hot, it felt like his skin would singe if he stayed too long. But the noon sun felt so good on his skin and Gon basked in the warmth with a satisfied smile. Killua had won, but only for the fraction of a second. Still a win, though. Gon looked to his side and saw Killua sitting cross-legged, glaring at him. The mud on his clothes and hair was quickly drying by the heat, drawing cracks and chips on his form.

"Did you have fun, Killua?" Gon asked innocently, like he wasn't the cause of the assassin's misery.

Killua wondered how he got roped into this. He remembered raring to go ballistic on the apprentice butler and next thing he knew, he was dodging flying arrows and walking into boulders. Not to mention he was dirty. And the cause of it all was just laying on the ground looking at him with an irritatingly happy grin, asking if it was fun. It was confusing. This guy had seen him at his worse, could realize his malicious intent in a split second. Yet he chose to push such a dangerous person to the edge and expect to get away unscathed. Such a weird guy, this son of Ging. He was interesting, he'd give him that.

"Are you an idiot? How can you ask me that?" Killua averted his gaze, choosing to glare at a leaf that just fell from his hair.

"Yes, yes, I'm an idiot," Gon prattled, "So I'd ask anyway. Did you have fun, Killua?" he repeated, jumping back to his feet.

_Someday, I'd like you to meet my son. I'm sure he'd be a lot like me. So be prepared, he sure as hell will be a lot cooler than a snotty brat like you!_

Killua scowled. That Ging has always been such a big liar! "Like hell, I did!"

Gon grimaced as Killua vented out on him, hands held upfront in surrender.  _But I saw you smiling back there…_

It was only later that Killua would learn that Gon really is a lot like Ging. Case in point- no matter what he says, Killua just can't seem to keep away.

* * *

"Screw this! I'm going home!"

"Wanna go fishing with me tomorrow morning? I'd bring an extra pole for you,"

"Tsk. Don't bother, I'm not going,"

"Alright. See you tomorrow, Killua! I'd be right here,"

"Wait for me all you want,"

Killua's eye ticked as he sat on the rock, hold a fishing pole steady. That was how he remembered that certain conversation went. So why is he outside at this ungodly hour in the morning, fishing at a foggy lake? There was a splash and a laugh from below him and he watched as Gon reeled in a fish as big as his leg.

"Look, Killua! I caught a big one! Let's share this with everyone at the mansion!"

His eye ticked again. Just how does this idiot do this to him?


	6. The Loser

He found him sitting on top of a boulder, holding a rod with a line going into the water. The older man was very still and silent, like a rock. The four year old sharpened his claws and stole another glance at his target. He's been waiting for this. Killua smirked confidently. He'll get him this time.

Like a skilled predator, he cut through the misty morning air, claws in front of him as he aimed for the neck of his target.

"Good morning to you too, brat," Ging said as he effortlessly bent his upper body forward. Killua gasped as he flew past him, flailing his little arms as he fell straight into the cold water. He could hear the old man's mocking laughter as he swam back to the surface, pouting as the man pelted him with stones the size of his fists, "How many does that make already?"

Killua narrowed his eyes as he swam back to the shore. Grumpily, he planted himself on the space beside the old man, crossing his arms with a huff, "Zero wins, 1398 loses," he grumbled, glaring at a spot in front of him.

Ging chuckled heartily, "Kakaka! And don't you forget it!" and flicked Killua on the forehead. Killua glared at him with all his might. This old man was truly getting on his nerves. They'd only been doing this kind of training for fifteen days. Again, he was forbidden from coming home until he landed a strike on the older man. His father is such a slave driver!

Killua's stomach growled. Ging chuckled again. "Haven't pilfered food from the butler's kitchens yet, have you?" he asked good-naturedly. Ging knew that's how Killua fed himself for the past year or so the kid had been forbidden from coming home. Killua was supposed to learn survival techniques in the forest on his own. But like the spoiled brat he is, he just stole food from the kitchens because it was easier.

Killua nodded, cheeks puffed. He had woken up after three hours of sleep, and had thought he'd try to ambush Ging in his sleep. It took him a few hours to find the man and another hour to stalk him from afar and decide to attack. And then he failed.

"Alright, just this once, breakfast is on me! Be thankful, brat!" Ging announced as he handed a wide-eyed Killua the fishing rod.

Killua blinked at Ging as he gripped the rod in his small hands. Ging just grinned widely at him, "Well, get in to it or you won't catch us anything!"

"But you just said-,"

"You better catch us some big ones, or else I won't share with you," Ging ruffled his hair before plopping down on his back, pulling his cloth hat over his face, "And also!" he raised an index finger, "Clean the fish, take out the guts, put it on a stick and roast it on a fire, alright? Wake me up once you're done,"

"Eh?!" Killua can't believe it. This dirty old man! This irresponsible, lazy, chocolate-stealing old man! "But!"

Ging raised a finger again, "Another word from you and I'll make sure you never eat another chocolate again!" and then he added in a menacing voice, "E-ver!"

Killua swallowed his protests, knowing that the older man could very well do that, as his only source of the delicious mouth-watering treats. With a scowl, Killua mimicked Ging's stance earlier while he was observing the old man fishing. He sat comfortably and stayed very still, controlling his breaths. After a few minutes, he saw a fish peeking near the surface, around his bait. Then it bit and Killua instantly pulled on the pole, but the fish got away. Baffled, but careful that he doesn't utter a single word, he flung the tackle back into the water and sat back to wait. This process repeated for over twenty times and the mist and the fog around the lake cleared up as the sun rose on the horizon.

It was almost time for breakfast and he was nowhere near catching a single fish. Killua rubbed his rumbling stomach. He ate little for dinner because everything in the pantry in the butler's mansion were foods he hated. There were only cabbages, beans, and tomatoes (Gotoh had switched out the foods in worry that his young ward was becoming nutritionally unbalanced since he was only stealing sweets-and even had the audacity to fake a note ordering them to 'stock up on chocolates-the robot ones', signed by 'your master, Dad').

Ging let out a snore from behind him. He knew it was useless to attack right now. Ging was  _never_  defenseless. Killua had attacked him in his apparent sleep for a total of 535 times, and in one of them, Ging 'dodged' him, 'accidentally' rolled over, and hugged him like a pillow all through the night, unable to move. Killua couldn't sleep that night because he was not used to sleeping in the arms of another person. Also, Ging stank like an old man and he snored loudly, sometimes laughing like a maniac in his sleep. But Killua did fall asleep eventually, and when he woke up, Ging was holding him up with one hand by the scruff of his neck, grinning at him and greeted him a 'good morning, little brat!' before throwing him down a cliff. He attacked him a record total of 267 times that day for that.

Killua sighed, focusing back on his task. It was already mid-morning when he failed his 25th try. The bites were becoming scarce as the sun rolled on and by lunch time, Ging had already 'rolled over' to the shade of a nearby tree and continued to sleep, ignoring the murderous glares of a four-year-old pissed-off starving assassin.

Sometimes he wasn't fast enough, sometimes he's too early, sometimes it seems the fish hadn't bitten the hook all that far, sometimes he couldn't avoid moving, like when his butt itched. By late afternoon, Ging had 'rolled back' beside him, laughing in his sleep every now and then. The little boy was hungry and tired, and he really wanted to hit the old man who was supposed to feed him for being such a meanie.

"You know, for a spoiled brat, you sure have a lot of patience," came Ging's voice from behind him, surprising the little boy. Oh crap! There's still no food!

"Fishing is not as easy as it looks like. First, you'd have to find your target's habit- you failed, the fish already moved over there to avoid the heat," he pointed to the opposite part of the lake, Killua frowned, "Second, you wait. You lure the fish into a fall sense of security. You're good at that, but you fail at the third, the attack. You're good at waiting, but you don't know when to strike, or when not to, and when you actually get it right, you play it safe too much," Ging told him, arms crossed, looking so serious that Killua can't help but hang on to his every word. Then something clicked in his mind. What Ging told him was pretty much like assassination! So the old man was finally getting serious at his training!

"I see," Killua bowed his head reverently, "I fail at assassination,"

"No, you suck at getting us breakfast," Ging corrected him, "From now on, your name shall be 'Suck-ua', wait that's ugly. You shall be 'Suck-a'. Good, just like the sucker you are. Now, go fetch us supper, Suck-a!"

And that was how Killua had awoken his bloodlust for the first time in his life.

Later that night, Silva opened his eyes lazily as Ging appeared before him holding up an angry little wild cat. Upon closer inspection, the thrashing, hissing, furious white-haired dirty little creature turned out to be his four-year old son. He raised an eyebrow at Ging, who had an irritated expression and was looking more disheveled than usual, with a long scratch mark across his left cheek.

"What happened?" Silva asked as he accepted his son, who instantly stopped thrashing and just glared evilly and gritted his teeth at the butler who was doing the same to him, "Why are you both so hungry?"

* * *

He woke up just before dawn, and try as he might to get back to sleep and not think about a certain apprentice butler waiting stupidly for him, he ended up glaring at the pipes on his ceiling for the better part of an hour. Gon would surely be at the flat rocks, like he said, and would be waiting, like he said, and would bring an extra pole for Killua, like he said.

"Stupid, stupid…he can wait for all I care! I already said I'm not going!  _He_  should learn who's boss!"

Twenty minutes later, he was dressed in a v-neck shirt over long sleeves and his baggy shorts, being handed a metallic fishing pole by a widely grinning apprentice butler. Killua was at the flat rocks, like he said he wouldn't, he had gone to meet Gon, like he said he wouldn't, and was currently holding the extra fishing pole, like he said he wouldn't. Again, just what is he thinking? Gon wasn't even surprised that he had shown up, had immediately greeted him a good morning and handed him a pole like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was like Gon never even considered the possibility that Killua would ditch him, which is kind of an annoying notion for Killua. He didn't enjoy being manipulated.

The lake was still misty, and he can't see anything past the rock he was sitting on and Gon standing on the ground below him. It was like they were the only two people in the world, and it unnerved Killua. Gon had an easy smile on his face, appearing like he was in the most comfortable place in the world. Killua found himself releasing a long-suffering sigh. No use complaining about it. He's the one putting himself in these kinds of situations, anyway. Now, if only he could find it in himself to keep away from the apprentice butler, that would be a great relief.

As an assassin, he has no experience in dealing with the relatives of people he had killed, unless he had to kill them too or they are coming to him for revenge. He does not even dare put a name on this strange relationship with Gon. Gon is a servant, Killua is a master, but Gon certainly isn't treating him like one. If anything, Killua is the one who always ends up following Gon's whims, no matter how reluctant he is to do so.

"Look, Killua! I caught a big one! Let's share this with everyone at the mansion!" Gon held up a fish the size of his leg, grinning proudly at the assassin.

He could feel Gon waiting in anticipation for him to say something but Killua just ignored him, not even sparing him glance. When Gon turned to cast his line again, Killua reverted back to observing him.

Gon shifted uncomfortably when he felt Killua's eyes on him again, which doesn't really bother him but makes him feel like Killua has something to say so he decided to call him out on it, "Killua, you've been staring at me the whole time," he said, looking up at the white-haired teen sitting on top of the rock, staring out into the lake stoically.

Killua, hiding his embarrassment at being caught, snorted in derision, "No, I'm not. Stop joking,"

The raven teen smiled apologetically, "Was there something you want to say, then?"

Killua nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders as he focused on the task in front of him, "No. It's none of your business,"

"I see," Gon said, his voice trailing off before he snapped his attention back to the assassin and hopped onto the rock, pole still in hand, to sit beside Killua, who was a bit startled at his sudden motion and was now staring at him with a puzzled expression, Gon's face was filled with new-found excitement, "Did you wanna do something else together?"

 _Together?_ A corner of Killua's left eye twitched at that word.  _Why does this guy have to insist on us doing things together?_ Actually, he wondered why this guy had been singling him out. "I've been meaning to ask you this, but why do I have to?" Killua asked earnestly. It's not like he was angry with Gon or hates him in particular. It's because, there are a lot of things in his mind he should be thinking about, a lot of things he had to consider, but when he is with Gon, he forgets all of them- something he should never ever be allowed to do.

It was Gon's turn to look at him with a puzzled expression, and by the jumbled sounds he was making, it seems like he was having trouble thinking. Killua finally took pity on him, and held up a hand, "I'm sorry. Please don't fry your brain out. I'd rephrase the question. Why do you insist on me?"

Gon blinked innocently at him before smiling at him as if the answer was glaringly obvious, "Because it can't be anyone else," he declared confidently, "It has to be Killua!"

The apprentice butler watched as Killua's eyes softened and his mouth curved into a small sincere smile. In his mind, Gon could only describe it as 'beautiful', but Killua would probably strangle him if he ever said that to his face. And as if he finally caught himself, Killua's cheeks flushed and he immediately turned away, "Don't say such embarrassing things, idiot!" he admonished, crossing his arms and letting out a huff in indignation.

Gon let out a snort before devolving into good-natured laughter. Killua has such cute reactions! Killua regarded him with a startled expression before deciding he didn't enjoy Gon laughing at his expense. So with a mischievous smirk, he snuck a hand behind Gon's back and pushed the laughing teen off the rock. As he grinned triumphantly as he watched Gon slip off the edge, Killua felt himself sliding from his seat and he immediately scrambled to hold onto something, with Gon grabbing onto his ankle. Too late.

Killua emerged with a menacing glare. Gon was laughing again, his normally upwards spiky hair parted to the sides. "You look like a cat thrown into water, Killua!"

The assassin held up his left thumb and index finger above the water, and Gon immediately ceased laughing and gulped nervously as a blue current passed between Killua's fingers, "Umm…Killua?"

* * *

Like a morning ritual, the butlers were having breakfast in the patio before they started their duties for the day. With the sun just peaking on the horizon, the air was chilly and the grounds were a bit dim. They had a nice view of the lake several kilometers down the slope of the forest and the mountain where their masters lived. Gotoh calmly sipped his tea as the others silently finished their meals, Canary and Amane chatting amicably in hushed tones on the other side of the table.

Hishita came out of the mansion carrying a pitcher of milk, "Did anyone see Gon?"

Canary perked up from her conversation with Amane, "Oh! He said he's going fishing with Killua-sama this morning,"

Gotoh, Amane and Tsubone turned to listen. Did they hear that right?

"With Killua-sama, huh?" Hishita said wistfully, "I wonder how they are doing now…" his voice trailed off as he finished his sentence.

Canary let out a nervous giggle, "I'm sure they're fine. This is Gon we're talking about. Killua-sama did like Ging-san a lot and Gon is a lot like Ging-san,"

Alll of a sudden, they heard a loud crackle before their surroundings were covered with blinding white light. They all closed their eyes on instinct. After a few seconds, when the crackling sounds were gone, they all opened their eyes with small smiles on their faces and went back to their breakfast.

"Damn it," Hishita muttered as he took his seat, "We're eating fish for a month again,"

* * *

Gon opened his eyes a little as he surveyed his surroundings. Killua was already on the shore, wringing the water out of his shirt. Gon let out a relieved sigh. He had activated his Ken at the last minute. He could endure electric shocks to a certain degree more than normal people could withstand (he had a bit of mandatory training with Hishita-san), but he doubted he would have survived that level of electrocution from Killua. With his Ken all over his body, all he felt was a tingling current passing through his body for a few moments. Which is amazing, since he had already perfected his Ken so Killua must have been really powerful. A few small fishes floated around him. He's glad he wasn't floating with them.

Gon froze. Fishes were floating around him. It shouldn't have surprised him. No living creature in the lake would have been able to withstand that amount of electricity. Then that means…

Killua was a bit miffed that Gon was perfectly unscathed. That was a technique he had coupled with his Enhancer abilities so it was really powerful. But then again, Gon is pretty strong in his own right. And Gon was not someone Killua should underestimate. If they were ever on the opposite sides of things, he was sure Gon was not an opponent he would run away from but he was not sure if it would be a clean-cut win for him. He could already see that Gon is even more stubborn than him. He's someone who would fight to the death, another aspect of Gon that unsettled Killua.

He snuck a glance at the apprentice butler who had just stepped out of the water and was stumped by the look on the other teens face, "W-why are you crying?!"

Gon's large doe eyes were replaced with the 'meanest' puppy-dog eyes Killua had ever seen. He actually felt some tugging at his heart at the sorry sight he projected. Gon's eyes were in a pout as tears streamed down his eyes in comical waves. The apprentice butler let out a sniffle. "What is wrong with you?!" Killua asked in a scandalized tone.

Gon sniffled again, "You killed Johnny," he said in a shaky voice.

Killua looked at him incredulously, "Johnny? Who's Johnny?!" He doesn't really give much of a damn if Johnny was a human, but still, Gon was upset so Killua finds himself caring…just a miniscule bit.

The apprentice butler returned his gaze with an indignant stare, "That big fish over there! I was fattening him up for Zebro-san's birthday next month!" It had been a promise, and he had been carefully feeding the fish so that it would grow fast. He had been looking forward to the feast with Zebro-san and Seaquant-san, and maybe, everyone at the butler's mansion might find time to attend. Zebro-san did mention that he was a childhood friend of Tsubone-baa.

And indeed, a fish the size of a small car was bobbing on its side near the center of the lake, surrounded by hundreds of dead fish. Killua felt a little sorry, but he wouldn't admit that, "Then just cut him up and chuck him in a freezer, what's the big deal?!"

"But freshly caught fish tastes the best!" Gon insisted. Living in Whale Island, he knows what he's talking about. He almost never have to eat frozen foods.

"Well, he probably can't eat that big fish by himself," Killua answered off-handedly. "A regular one should be fine." Seriously, how much fish could one guy eat?

It was Gon's turn to look at him incredulously, "We can't get a regular one, Killua. What will the guests eat?"

Killua raised a perfect eyebrow, arms crossed, "Guests? Why would there be guests on a birthday?"

If Gon was surprised by his question, he did not show it. Gon broke into a knowing smile, "To celebrate with you, of course! And then, you receive gifts from everybody, and you get to eat cake, lots of it!" That's how his birthdays had been, there were lots of people coming by their house to bless him. And when he celebrated his birthday last week, Zebro-san and Seaquant-san had given him a new fishing pole (which he let Killua borrow) and the people in the Butler's mansion prepared his favorite foods for supper.

Killua's eyes widened in curiosity. "Gifts?" he repeated, blue eyes gleaming in genuine interest. He knew what gifts are, but he had never received one in his life. Anything he wanted, he could get for himself or he'd just have to ask a servant. Well, what does he expect, who in their right mind would divest a present for a child assassin?

"Yeah, it could be anything! Toys, clothes, books, anything you can give, anything at all, as long as it comes from the heart, then the person you give it to will be very happy!" Gon beamed excitedly as he explained to Killua. Gon does not feel pity for Killua. He understood that every little thing about Killua's past made him who he is, and Gon likes Killua plenty enough already. Ging was there for him, how bad could it have been? Gotoh-san had said so.

"And you say there could be cake? Can it be chocolate?" the assassin inquired.

"Yes, anything you want! But Zebro-san seems to like coffee flavor so I guess the cake won't be chocolate. Sorry, Killua," Gon smiled sheepishly, scratching his cheek. "Maybe on your birthday, hehe."

Killua sighed and averted his gaze from the servant, "In my family, we don't celebrate birthdays. Actually, we don't celebrate anything at all," he said with a plaintive tone. He never had cause to wonder why his family was different from others before. They were not even close to each other. Everyone seems to treat each other professionally. And his mother smothers him all the time, it's annoying. Only Ging had been different.

If Gon could grin any wider, he would have done so. He already has the perfect gift in mind for someone like Killua, "Then on your birthday, I'd get you a big, big chocolate cake! And a really great gift, too!"

Killua stiffened for a second at what Gon said before he rolled his eyes haughtily, "Don't make such a fuss. It's just a birthday," Again, why does Gon choose go through so much trouble for someone like him? It's just like any normal day, only, he gets to add a year to his age. And when Gon answered him, in a voice with no hint of condescension or hidden agenda, the assassin was totally  _floored._

"Ehh~ But we should celebrate! I'm happy you were born into this world, Killua!" Gon declared with arms raised over his head as if he was making a grand statement, "I got to make you my friend!"

And in contrast to the cold morning, Killua felt so warm. Gon was smiling so sincerely at him that Killua had to close his eyes. There it was again, Gon's ability to blow his thoughts away. Killua heaved a deep sigh as he covered his face with a hand, cursing the fast that his skin is so pale he colored so easily. When will this guy ever listen to him? He just doesn't know how to handle such a stubborn guy, "You idiot. I told you not to say such embarrassing things."

Killua knew he had already lost the battle, and he was utterly and overwhelmingly defeated. He should have seen it coming. He was up against a simple-minded and determined guy, after all, a very bad combination against a scheming liar like him.

As he listened to Gon prattle on about how they'd divide the fish among the forest animals including Mike and bring the leftovers back to the mansion (he electrocuted the lake a little over eight months before because Ging was particularly irritatingly and that wasn't the first time he did so), Killua found that he didn't really mind losing at all. He laughed, and it almost felt like a foreign sound to him. He hadn't laughed like this in a long time, like nothing else matters.  _I lost._ And it was such a great, liberating feeling.

He did not even notice when Gon looked at him with a thoughtful expression and stopped talking, in favor of listening to the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.


	7. The Fall

"What's a friend?"

Ging raised an eyebrow as he glanced at the five-year-old sitting next to him, holding a fishing pole. The kid's eyes were concentrated on the water but Ging knew his attention was on him. They were fishing for dinner and it was already late afternoon, the sky casting an orange glow upon the lake as a million sparkles floated on the serene water. Killua rarely asked him questions, being the last person he would likely get an answer from, so Ging was aware that this was a question Killua knew he could not ask his family. "Why do you ask?"

"Aniki said I can't have one," Killua said in a glib tone.

"Oh?" Ging's voice peaked in interest, "What else did he say?"

"He said having friends would make me weak. And that I'd be better off without it," that was what Illumi had told him while burying red hot needles into his toenails in one of his torture training sessions. It had been random, like his brother imparting one of his assassin lessons.

"Ah, typical Zoldyck logic," Ging roated his shoulders as he stretched out his legs which were starting to fall asleep on him, "In any case, better listen to what dear big brother says, brat," It would probably mean less trouble.

Killua narrowed his eyes at the butler, poking at the older man's side, "You didn't answer my question, dirty old man," which earned him an instant knuckle sandwich from the old man. Killua yelped in pain as he tried to claw his way out of the man's clutches.

"I really can't stand cheeky brats like you," Ging scoffed, "You're better off not knowing what friends are, in my opinion,"

"What?!" Alas, Killua was not a kid that could be easily deterred, "Why?!"

Ging gave a non-committal grunt before releasing him and dumping him back on his bottom, picking up his abandoned fishing pole again and continuing his commitment to dinner, "Because no one would want to be friends with a smelly pint-sized brat like you, anyway," he revealed in a nonchalant voice, shrugging his shoulders.

For some unknown reason, that brought down Killua's mood a bit. Why would anyone not want him? Is it because he's an assassin? He's different from a common murderer. He won't kill for nothing or for pleasure. If that made him better or worse, he doesn't really know. Would anyone, anyone at all in the whole wide world, want Killua Zoldyck to be their friend? Did his brother say he didn't need friends because no one would choose him anyway?

As much as Ging was an expert at ignoring people, especially the brat beside him, he can't help but sneak glances every now and then at the obviously upset child, no matter how much Killua tries to hide it. He doesn't have a poker face like his eldest brother. Killua has lots of emotions, and it was easy to tell what he's feeling no matter what kind of hard exterior he thinks he's hiding them in. Ging let out a deep breath, "That's why…I think it would take someone  _very_ special to be your friend,"

Killua instantly perked up at him, eyes gleaming with hope. Ging looked at him disbelievingly. Did this kid really believe him? Ging felt like he had approached something in a really, really bad way. Why does this kid take his words like some goddamn gospel?! Just how did that-who was he kidding, he's the most awesome person to walk the planet. Ging sighed. He better tread carefully around Killua from now on. God knows how unbearable the kid would be if he takes his values from someone like Ging.

"What should I do when I find that person?" Killua asked, shaking Ging's crossed leg as he waited in anticipation.

Ging scratched his stubbled chin as he contemplated the question. Deciding to go with what he himself had done, Ging nodded his head and grinned at the little brat, "Once you find that special someone, you should never let that person go,"

* * *

Canary sat beneath a tree near her guard post, eyes closed as she breathed in the fresh scent of the breeze as it whipped passed her. It was only mid-morning, and like any other day since Gon started his service, everything was peaceful. She rarely ever gets to confront intruders anymore, but she doesn't mind. What's important is that  _nobody_  unseemly gets past her and that's the only thing that matter, even if she can't remember the last time she got to swing her baton in real combat. Canary is in constant training along with the other butlers. She spars with Amane every morning before breakfast.

Around the tree she used as a lounge so that she didn't have to stand all day, Gon had graciously planted for her a flower garden. It had been a sweet gesture from the apprentice butler as commemoration of their friendship, as well as to give her something to look at or tend to as she guards her post all day. She smiled as the scent of the colorful flowers wafted to her nose. Her thoughts began to wander as she continued to linger in her own little piece of heaven.

There were little things in life that Canary had ever cared about. Being born and raised in Meteor City, she only cared about defending herself and surviving on what little scraps she managed to obtain. But that all changed when, one fine day she was fighting for her life on the streets, a ragged-looking man with the most radiant smile she had ever seen, approached her. She was standing amidst the unconscious beat-up bodies, a piece of stale bread held securely in her unbroken hand. She had glared at him and he just continued to smile at her, without a hint of fear or guard against her.

_You see, I'm looking for people I could trust. I have a very important job and I think you'd be a great help. How about it? Would you like to work with me?_

She was ten years old at that time. She had lived with suspicious people all her life. Trust was something she never gave to anybody and here was a man, looking as unscrupulous as they come, asking her to work with him? She heard enough of children her age getting lured and raped or killed by people who offer them a little ray of hope. He obviously doesn't have his story well thought-out when he says he's looking for people he trusts in what's probably the most unsavory place ever to exist. Really, what kind of idiot looks for trustworthy people in a city crawling with criminals, pariahs and broken things?

But there was something about the man she couldn't exactly pinpoint that made her look beyond all her doubts and take a blind leap of faith. Such a decision screamed wrong at her for every account so she had kept vigilant at all times for when he starts anything more suspicious than treat her like a normal kid all day. It took them a few days before she found herself gazing upon the majestic iron gates of the Zoldyck estate for the first time.

_Go on, open it. From now on, it's gonna be your new home so you've gotta defend it with everything you've got, alright…Canary?_

Her mind had been too busy processing the implications of his words for her to voice out a proper reply. It had been one thing when he was blabbering to her about the job he wanted her to do and being faced with the magnificence of the real thing. Her mind was in a daze and everything seemed to happen so fast.

She had opened only up to the second door with much effort and then she was being introduced to a bunch of well-dressed people. They clothed and fed her, and treated her with enough consideration she had only been experiencing since she left Meteor City. The first few days passed by in a blur and a whirlwind of new emotions. By the end of it, she was a human with a purpose. Canary learned to face the world with a smile.

She never bothered to tell them that Canary was not her real name.

She met Killua Zoldyck shortly after she was hired. She thought he was a cute little boy, despite two years being her junior. The little boy intrigued her, with his uncaring voice and dull stares. He looked bored, but he also seemed sure of what he was doing. Despite the fact that she should not know him because she wouldn't be working in the main manor, Ging had been pretty generous with all the information he gave her before she even started her training as an apprentice butler. Like Gon, she had been fast-tracked in the servant ladder, because while she doesn't have massive strength, she was more adept in combat than any of her peers.

She knew she had been correct in declining his offer of friendship because his mother was watching, but it was one she regretted all the time. She could never forget the disappointed look in the little boy's eyes when she said so, and she felt like she had hurt something inside him. She rarely saw him since then, and she grew more worried about him, no matter how much she tried to stop any emotional attachment with the young boy, as the years passed by and the rift in his heart grew more and more each day.

Then one day, things came to a head and she was one of the servants who gave him chase when he tried to run away from home. Things happened so fast again and she watched as her young master cried in grief as he embraced the corpse of the man he once respected above all others.

She never thought he'd recover from that, and when she saw him again, he was colder than ever, and he no longer cared about who he hurt anymore. She had resolved to forgive him for killing her, but then he was knocked to the ground by Gon.

As she watched Killua's expression soften as he gaze upon the apprentice butler, Canary knew there was nothing more to worry about. Gon would help Killua regain his smile. She knew it just like Gon had helped all of them at the butler's mansion get over the death of a dear man.

And she was not wrong in her judgment. In the past month alone, she had seen a tremendous change in her young master. He was laughing and arguing with Gon even in the presence of the veteran butlers. Sometimes they'd both show up worn out at the butler's mansion after a day's worth of training and playing around. They'd fight over their food and stay up all night playing video games in Gon's room. They were like little children and the servants delighted in observing their amusing antics.

They were good friends, despite the fact that Gon was a servant. There was nothing the adults could do about it anymore, and there is nothing they really want to do about it. Even Gotoh-san and Tsubone-baa just shrugged it off and let the two have their way. They were talking about the two most stubborn teenagers in the world here, there's no stopping them from doing what they want and what they think is right. Killua is not falling short of his duties to his family anyway, he goes on missions, albeit one at a time so he wouldn't take too much time outside, and Gon was diligent in his work as always, the forest was well-tended as ever and intruders never made it past three steps the side gate.

She opened her eyes and smiled when she saw Killua making his way to her post, skateboard held in one arm. She ran up to him and bowed, "Welcome home, Killua-sama,"

* * *

"No need to bow and just Killua is fine,"

He was already eight when he had met Canary. He had just come home from a mission and he was in no hurry to come back home so he took his time walking through the forest. She was the first person in the estate that he determined was just around his age. It's been years since Ging told him what friends are, but no one had really come close to him. Canary had approached him out of her own accord. Maybe she could be his friend? So he asked, and she had refused. A fang of disappointment crept at his heart.

Maybe it's because she was not a very special person?  _How lame._

Killua remembered going to Ging after that and asking him if Canary was not a special person so she can't be his friend. Ging gave him a funny look before smacking him blind.  _You don't understand at all, that's why you're still a brat._

And Killua understands that well now. He was best friends with the biggest idiot in the whole world. Gon is special to him in a way that when Gon is happy, so is he. He no longer wondered how fast Gon had melted down his defenses. Everything is just the way it should be, and Killua won't have it any other way.

_It's not about special people but about making people special...to you._

"You're back early, it's like you purposely hurried home," Canary said, a meaningful smile on her lips. She knew Killua was only doing assassination jobs so his family wouldn't bother Gon.

A corner of Killua's mouth curved upwards as Canary's flower garden caught his eye "This place isn't so bad,"

"I don't think that's it, Killua-sama," Canary shook her head gently, smiling knowingly at her precious young master, "I think you just like the place where Gon-kun is,"

She enjoyed the way Killua tried to go for a scowl when his cheeks flushed as he turned his face away from her. She can't wait to tell Amane about this.

She saw Mike coming towards them from the direction of the forest. Mike was easily trained, and Gon had managed to teach him the Shadow Step. Mike no longer made the earth shake with his every footfall, and could barely be heard approaching if he's in a clearing. She heard Gon's next project was teaching him Rhythm Echo. She doesn't know if Gon is just messing around or just secretly completely evil.

"Hey, Mike," Killua smirked at the beast. Mike loomed his big head above Killua, "Where's Gon?" Gon was usually perched upon the animal's head and waiting for him at the gates whenever he comes home. Today, he hadn't seen the apprentice butler at all and had thought he was hanging out with Canary at her post. He was usually done with his job of surveying the forest by mid-morning, and just lingers around looking out for intruders the whole day, which is perfect since all Gon and Killua does is practically run around the whole forest.

As if in response, Mike opened his jaws and out tumbled Gon, covered in slobber. Killua effortlessly sidestepped the slippery apprentice butler as he fell to the ground in a heap. Mike heaved again and spat out Gon's fishing pole. Gon winced, rubbing his head as he sat up, "You could at least catch me when I'm falling," the raven teen remarked, raising his slimy hands as if that would help his case. Killua wrinkled his nose in disgust. Not only was it slimy, it also smelled horribly.

"I  _will_ catch you," was the answer that came from Killua's mouth before he could really think about it, but he just shrugged it off mentally. It's not like it has any implications, despite that little squeak he heard from Canary, "But when you're falling from inside Mike's mouth, you're certainly on your own," he crossed his arms, raising a cruel eyebrow at the miffed apprentice butler who was puffing his cheeks like a child.

"You should hurry and take a bath, Gon-kun, before the smell sticks," Canary reminded the raven teen. Gotoh-san never liked dirty things and smelly things even more so. Gon was almost always either one of the two things, occasionally both and that's why most of his interactions with Gotoh-san began with the veteran butler pointing the teen towards the bath.

"Yeah, you stink like crap," Killua added, making a show of pinching his nose and fanning his other hand in front of his face.

Gon blinked at him before a mischievous grin crept up his slimy face. He scrambled to his feet, his hands inching dangerously towards Killua, "So I stink, huh?" Killua smiled sheepishly as he slowly backed away from his best friend, who was skulking towards him with creepy grin. Gon suddenly pounced and Killua instantly took off running into the forest, tossing his skateboard at Canary as he passed her by.

Canary hugged the skateboard as she watched Gon chase after their young master with a maniacal laugh. She let out a dainty laugh, "They're so cute together," she muttered to herself. A rather large shadow whipped past her, wiping the smile off her face. She blinked as Mike disappeared in the direction the two had gone in, apparently thinking they were playing with him again.

She let out a small smile as she placed the skateboard against the tree. She used a huge leaf to pick up Gon's fishing rod and placed it near the skateboard. Canary sat back down on her previous spot, closing her eyes again as the distant yells reached her ears. It seems like Mike had caught up with them. Gon probably wouldn't have that bath until the afternoon, and judging from their previous records, Killua would be tossed into the bath along with the apprentice butler once Gotoh-san sees them.

* * *

"Woah, Mike! Easy there!"

Gon slipped on his feet again, sliding along the grass, narrowly missing being trampled by Mike's gigantic paw. He took off running again, trailing after the sound of Killua's laughter. Mike's saliva all over his body had been slowing Gon on the uptake, causing him to slip every now and then. Mike tried to pounce on him excitedly, wagging his furry tail as he went along. Gon laughed, taunting the animal to continue on his wild chase.

Soon, Gon saw Killua's back, and was surprised that the other teen had stopped, seemingly staring at something before him. "Killua!"

* * *

In his mirth, Killua had run into the edge of the top of the cliff wall, and found himself looking down a 150 meter drop to the lake below. It wasn't like he was scared of falling. This height was nothing to him, and it would always be easier to fall in water than concrete.

He had fallen off this cliff a few times before, courtesy of a certain head butler who had a habit of pushing him off high places. The highest had been at the Heaven's Arena during their short Nen training stint at the tournament. That had been the only time he ever felt a tinge scared of falling. Seriously, the man just suddenly bursted into his room, said, "Let's go eat out, brat! Wait for me at the ground floor," before the twelve-year-old found himself free-falling from the window of his assigned room…at the 230th floor. That was when he started  _secretly_ developing his Hatsu using electricity.

Ging… He hadn't told Gon about Ging.

Gon rarely mentions Ging in their conversations, and in those times, it was always added like an afterthought, like something that can be easily omitted and they can pretend like he was never mentioned at all. Killua doesn't know if he'd take it as a sign that Gon knew Killua had bad feelings concerning Ging's death or Gon didn't really know anything at all. Killua had been meaning to ask him that since he started being friends with the apprentice butler _. Gon, do you know I killed Ging? Do you know that he'll never forgive me? Gon, do you still want to be friends with me?_

The assassin clenched his fist so hard his knuckles trembled. He, of all people, can't muster the courage to ask his best friend a question. A freaking yes or no question. How hard can that be? Killua smiled bitterly. Because a yes or no from Gon could mean heaven or hell for Killua.

He wondered what Gon will choose.

"Killua!"

Killua's eyes widened as he snapped his gaze towards his oncoming best friend. "Gon," he uttered. Gon was beaming positively at him and Killua forgot to breathe. Before he could remember that he was supposed to be running away from Gon, who was adamant on wiping his saliva addled hands at Killua's shirt, Gon had gotten close enough to grab him at the elbow. Because of Gon's momentum and the fact that Gon's hand was slippery, his grip slid down Killua's elbow and threatened to slide completely off. It was then that Killua made an involuntary grab at his friend's hand, seeing as said friend just ran off a cliff, intertwining their fingers as he too was pulled off the edge.

Gon let out a whoop as they free-falled, spreading his arms like wings, Killua following suit. "Woohooooo! This is so funnn!"

Killua glanced at their intertwined fingers to Gon's smiling face.

… _you should never let that person go._

Gon is the most special person to Killua. He can't bear to lose Gon.

He tightened his hold on Gon's hand. "Don't ever leave me," his lips moved but no sound came out.

Gon turned his gaze towards his best friend and found Killua smiling at him. Gon smiled back at him and closed his eyes as they took the plunge.

* * *

They stared at each other after they broke back into the surface. Gon snorted and they simultaneously burst laughing.

"Ne, ne, I think that just washed off all of Mike's drool on me!" Gon proudly announced as he held up a slime free arm above the water.

"Oh, gross," Killua flailed around, "Now it's on the water," he spotted a bubbly mass floating near him and directed it away from him.

"Hey, go push it over there! I just got it off me!" Gon splashed the water away from him, unconsciously sending the floating slimy froth at Killua.

That started their water splash war which was paused when they heard Mike let out a whine. He was looking down at the two of them from the top of the clip. They watched as Mike disappeared before abruptly coming back and using the edge like some kind of diving board. "No, Mike, no!" they both yelled but it was too late and they scrambled to swim out of the line of fire, but were caught in the tidal wave Mike's splash created which sent them tumbling on the bank.

Killua and Gon were laughing as the water receded around them, leaving them lying on the ground after their close shave with possible drowning.

The raven teen wiped the tears out of the corner of his eye, "That was fun. Let's do that again!"

Killua sat up, holding his aching sides from laughing too much, "Maybe we could ride Mike next time,"

Gon laughed again before his eyes widened in realization, "Oh, we should do that on your birthday!" Gon sat up abruptly, arms raised straight up, "It's next week!"

The assassin pretended to contemplate on Gon's proclamation, "Hmm. Sounds good enough for a fifteenth birthday," he turned back to his best friend, "So what else have you planned to entertain me?"

"Well, aside from cliff-diving with Mike…" Gon moved to stand up, "I think I'd better keep everything else as a surprise. Don't wanna spoil it,"

Like a bullet, Killua saw the marble sized projectile whizz though the air towards Gon's head, and abruptly snatched it in mid-air, keeping it in his closed fists as Gon blinked at him innocently, probably wondering why he was suddenly kneeling on one knee. "Killua?" Gon tilted his head, "Are you alright?"

Killua nodded at him silently, pushing himself to his feet, "I'm starving. I'll race you to the butler's mansion,"

He knew that Gon would abruptly start running as soon as he ends his sentence. That was the only Go signal they needed. It would be a while before Gon realizes he's lagging behind. Gon rarely won any of their races. Killua paused for a second and flicked the stone back where it came from, his mother and Kalluto calmly jumping away from behind the tree they were standing in as it broke in half. "What do you want?"

"Mother just came to see what you're doing with the servant boy," his mother answered. "You've been spending all your time at home with him,"

Killua's gaze fell on his younger brother, and Kalluto knew he should put a little distance between himself and his mother for their own good, "So?" Killua snapped rudely.

"He's terribly unfit to serve," his mother scoffed, "I'll see to it that he's removed from the estate,"

Kikyo gulped nervously as Killua stood behind her, holding his morphed hand to her neck, the sharp claw close enough that it drew blood, his eyes darkened by bloodlust, "Should I make that the reason you die,  _mother?_ " he spat out the last word like venom. Her visor flashed a static and Killua took that as a sign that he had distressed his mother enough. He jumped away from her.

"If any of you so much as touch Gon, I will butcher all of you," he said in a cruelly cold voice before he disappeared from their sight.

Kikyo stared at the spot where her favorite son once was. Her lips curved into a thin smile, "How charming. He gets that from your father, you know~" she said to Kalluto.

Kalluto mentally rolled his eyes. He loves his mother a lot, but sometimes she's becoming too obsessive and annoying, even for him. Maybe he'd be better off spending his days like his older brother Killua. He could join a group of thieves or something equally cool. Maybe.


	8. The Town

For probably the nth time that day, Killua had to stop himself from running into a wall as hard as he can. It was getting harder and harder to stop himself from doing so as the day rolled by really slowly. So really, effing slowly. Alas, the only thing stopping him from making a complete fool of himself, if that's even possible, is just grinning at him stupidly like they were not embarrassing themselves in public.

In his honest opinion, his day had started out perfectly fine. In his new definition of a normal, fine day, he'd wake up early, sneak out of the house, go to find Gon, and hang out with him all day, sometimes helping him take out intruders if they seem a bit interesting. His day had started out like that, but deviated once he found out what Gon was doing for that day.

He found the apprentice butler in the kitchen of the butler's mansion in the middle of a mess Killua refused to classify as cooking. There were egg shells and plastic wrappers scattered all over the kitchen island. There was a light coating of flour dust all over the table. There were piles upon piles of steel mixing bowls containing unidentified globs Killua wouldn't dare touch. Gon had butter and some bits of blue (why blue?) slime sticking to the ends of his spiky hair. How it got there, the assassin can't figure out.

"What are you doing?" he looked at his friend inquisitively, taking a seat at one of the bar stools across the table from Gon. Indeed, it was the first time Killua saw Gon take a hand at cooking anything more lucrative than roasting over an open fire.

"I'm making you a cake, Killua," Gon answered him like he thought it was obvious. It was Killua's birthday tomorrow and he had promised him a cake. Back in Whale Island, Mito-san had always personally made him a cake for his birthdays and they were always the highlight of the party that people come over just to eat cake. He always tried to return the favor on her birthdays but with no such luck. He knew those tears in her eyes every time she eats the cakes he made were not because the cakes were 'really delicious'.

"You mean you're  _trying_ to make me a cake," Killua corrected him, eyeing the failed attempts giving off a funny smell at a corner of the counter.

"Hey, I'm doing my best here!" Gon declared enthusiastically, continuing to mix the cake batter which had long turned green. From what, Killua couldn't deduce. There weren't anything in the table that should be giving it that color. "It's gonna be the best chocolate cake ever!"

The assassin tried so hard not to shake his head in disagreement. Convincing himself that Gon always comes through with anything once he puts his mind to it, Killua settled on quietly watching his friend do his work. It made him feel nice that Gon was expending so much effort doing something he was definitely never going to be good at just to please his best friend. "Good luck with that, I guess," he tried not to sound too patronizing.

Gon grinned at him, "Don't worry! Nobody's died from my cooking yet!" he assured the unimpressed assassin. "I've got it under control!" the mixture just turned violet. Again, Killua has no idea what exactly is going on in there.

"I'm not worried," Killua yawned, and looked around the kitchen for anything remotely edible. He hadn't had breakfast yet, "I'm confident in my immunity to poisons,"

The apprentice butler pouted, "Meanie." There was a  _ding!_  And Gon went over to the oven and retrieved a steel bowl filled with the only thing right in Killua's world right now: chocolate. The melted heavenly treat was steaming, and Killua was in olfactory paradise.

Killua perked up in his seat, staring greedily at the bowl, licking his lips as he did so. The smell was intoxicating and he felt like drooling at the sight of so much chocolate. Gon pulled the bowl out of his sight. "You can't, Killua. I'm using this for the cake."

"Oh come on, Gon," Killua reached for the bowl, "Just a little," he smiled pleasantly, "I haven't eaten yet. Besides, it's mine anyway, right?"

Gon frowned and pushed the bowl away from Killua's hands, "Yes. But before I know it, you're already licking this clean,"

Killua was about to start listing off conditions upon which the apprentice butler must hand over the bowl of heavenly goodness promptly to its hungry rightful owner when there was a knock from the doorway leading to the garden. They both turned towards the sound, Gon securely keeping the bowl at his side in case Killua uses the chance to attack, and found Amane and Canary standing there with empty glass pitchers in their hands. The butlers were currently having breakfast just outside in the garden.

"Killua-sama, good morning," they both greeted, though Canary's tone were more jovial than Amane's.

"Yeah, 'morning," Killua smiled a little before waving them off to do what they were meant to do when they entered the kitchen, which was probably refill those pitchers.

"How's the cake going, Gon-kun?" Canary asked as she and Amane went over to the refrigerator to get the bottle of orange juice. "Are you sure you don't want us to help?"

"Thanks, but I can handle it," and no matter how much Killua wished he'd get somebody… _anybody_  to freaking lend him a hand already and probably save his tastebuds, Gon just had to think he can do it by himself.

The assassin had to watch as Gon prepared to make another batter. Just how many was he planning to make, really?! Amane placed her refilled pitcher on the table and sat beside Gon while she waited for Canary to finish refilling hers with cold water. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Amane smirk maliciously at him, which threw him slightly off-guard since she was usually reserved and had rarely seen her face in any expression other than blank. Killua narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously from across the table, as if daring her to do anything. She was challenging him, he just knew it.

 _What's her problem?_ Killua thought as he tried to hide the fact that he was surveying her movements. When he dared a quick glance at her again, she was obviously leering at him already and it seriously unnerved Killua because he didn't know she was capable of teasing anybody. If anything, his first impression of her was of a cold-hearted bitch. Which was kind of cemented by the events in the next few seconds.

Killua watched with wide eyes as she deftly flipped the wooden spoon Gon had placed in the chocolate bowl, causing the spoon to catapult some chocolate…straight towards Gon's face. Killua glared at the lady butler playing innocent as Gon had a puzzled expression as to why things were suddenly flying in the kitchen.

Amane let out a small giggle before getting to her feet and turning Gon's face towards her, "Gon, silly, let me get that for you," Killua could almost feel the smirk in her voice.

And Killua bristled in his seat as Amane  _licked_ the chocolate from his naïve best friend's face. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end as he watched the act. Gon was just standing there with a stupid nonchalant expression on his face like what she was doing was perfectly normal. Amane even had to the gall to look at Killua in the eye while she was running her tongue on his best friend's chocolate-covered cheek.  _How indecent!_

"Hey, that's mine!" he yelled, chest heaving in deep breaths as he pointed an accusing finger at the lady butler.

Gon just blinks at his outburst, not fully understanding what's happening around him. Amane released Gon and sneered at the assassin. She nonchalantly pushed the chocolate bowl towards the fuming assassin, "Here. Have it, then,"

Killua scoffs, crossing his arms, and rolling his eyes, "That's not what I-," he caught himself when he saw Amane break into a knowing grin. He glared evilly at her. _This bitch!_

Gon looked from a smiling Amane to a fuming Killua. He just shrugged and touched his cheek, "Is it gone?" he asked to nobody in particular, but Amane turned her attention back to him.

"No, there's still some left," and she was about to lean closer to the apprentice butler again when a handful of flour hit her face. Gon and Amane coughed as the powder spread, covering them both in white.

Killua wiped his hand on a dishcloth and smiled triumphantly, congratulating himself on preventing the harassment of his best friend right in front of him. But his celebration didn't last long when a revengeful helping of flour smacked him straight in the face. He ran his hand though his face to get the excess flour off and threw a menacing glare at the perpetrator. He saw Gon laughing at him through the dust cloud.  _That's it! I'm never saving your ungrateful ass again!_ He thought before scooping up another handful of flour and sending it hurtling towards his best friend's open mouth, hoping he would choke.

Canary sweat-dropped as she watched the two throw flour at each other, enveloping the entire kitchen in a huge white dust cloud. Oh…Gotoh-san would not be pleased. Amane had silently bowed out of the melee and had scooted over to Canary's side with an accomplished smile.

They almost laughed but then they saw a spark of electricity from their young master. Amane and Canary's eyes widened, "Oh no..."

* * *

Gotoh, Hishita and old Tsubone were eating breakfast by the garden as per usual.

Earlier that morning, Gon had come running out to the garden where the three of them and Canary and Amane were already having breakfast. He was a bit surprised when the young apprentice had pleaded to be allowed to use the kitchen. Gotoh had raised an eyebrow at that. Hadn't he specifically forbidden Gon from going anywhere near the kitchen? He remembered Hishita's efforts to determine Gon's capacity in the kitchen. As a butler, a servant of the Zoldycks, he was required to have a certain level of competency in the kitchen. It took less than 20 minutes on the first day of training to determine that Gon should never be allowed anywhere near a stove. Another reason why he was posted outside.

That particular morning, however, Gon had specifically said that the cake he would be making was for Killua, his best friend. Because it would be his birthday, he added, and he had promised him that he'd give him a big chocolate cake.

No matter how opposed he was to the proposition, Gotoh had to give him permission. He won't allow a servant to break a promise with a master. Gon had given Killua his word and he should follow through it to the letter.

Besides, nothing especially bad could happen, right? It's not like Gon would have to use fire. An oven could be controlled easily enough, and he was sure the kid wouldn't let this particular cake burn. He hoped.

A large explosion suddenly disturbed the morning peace, and in the blink of an eye, the three of them outside were staring at the charred remnants of what used to be a food-laden table. Gotoh sighed as he set down his tea cup. The bottom had cracked due to the explosion. Hishita coughed out, but was apparently unharmed though a side of his suit was scorched black. Tsubone, who was seated facing away from the explosion just calmly sipped her coffee as if nothing happened.

Gotoh looked up as four black figures emerged from the house. The explosion had blown away the whole wall of the kitchen facing the garden. There were pots, pans and silverware strewn all around the garden. Knives were stuck against the back of old Tsubone's chair.

Two of the figures collapsed on the scorched grass coughing as Amane and Canary wiped off the soot from their uniforms. They had ducked just in time and managed to enshroud themselves with protective aura before the kitchen exploded. However, Gon and Killua were not so lucky. Though not seriously harmed, the two had been scorched by the heat and smoke.

"What happened in there?" Hishita asked in a reprimanding voice. He didn't like what they did to his kitchen.

"Killua-sama accidentally ignited the flour," Amane said, not in the least bit perturbed about selling out their young master, earning her a glare from aforementioned young master.

"Aww…the cake is ruined," Gon frowned as he stood on his feet, dusting off his suit, "And all the ingredients are gone,"

Gotoh looked over the four. Canary was smiling apologetically. Amane was a bit annoyed that her scuff was dirtied. Killua was not in the least bit sorry about the damage he did at all. Gon seemed to be thinking hard about what he should do about Killua's cake. Gotoh sighed. It would be no use talking to these four. He'd just waste his breath in a lecture. So he pulled out his wallet and took out a black card.

"Here, Gon," he placed the card in the apprentice butler's hands, "Change your clothes and have Seaquant drive you to town. Buy whatever you want,"

It would be better to get them out of the estate while he gets the others to fix the house. Who knows where Gon might attempt to make his cake again?

* * *

And that's how they found themselves wandering around town by noon. Seaquant had dropped them off at the town square and told them to call him once they're done with their business. Then he disappeared, probably off to a bar or something, they didn't particularly care. They had both changed in their casual wear with Killua sporting his light v-neck shirt over a dark blue turtleneck and baggy shorts while Gon was dressed in a simple black tank top and shorts.

After persuading Gon that he didn't really need a personally made birthday cake, they had settled upon buying a cake from the town's most famous pastry shop. However, after Killua's order of quadruple helping of all the chocolate topping and icing for the cake, they were told to wait for about four hours for the cake to be ready. The shop was already swarmed with orders as it is and Killua's was particularly demanding. There seemed to be a festival tomorrow and cakes from the shop were grossly in-demand. So with four hours to waste, Gon and Killua set off to explore the town.

It had both been their first time, with Gon not leaving the estate and Killua not one to linger around alone in a crowded town.

They had bought tickets to an aquarium because Gon found a fish in the poster who looks exactly like Johnny and wanted to see the small whale so bad. They spent an hour in there, sticking their faces into enclosures and Killua holding back Gon when the latter leans too far. Killua smiled at Gon's bright face as he was awed by the different displays of jellyfishes. Gon was so childish, it was hard to figure out that he was actually a little older than Killua.

Next, they went to the arcade and spent a lot of coins on fighting games, ending in a 50-56 score in favor of Killua. Gon then decided that they compete over the toy cranes. Killua also won those, cleaning out a whole game and giving the toys away to other kids and keeping only one, which he tossed to a sulking Gon. It was a white cat with blue eyes. "It looks like you, Killua!" Gon held up the cat in his face as he grinned. Killua blushed and tried to take it back but Gon had refused.

By mid-afternoon, they were sitting in one of the benches in the town square, boredly watching the crowd pass by. They were eating the Chocorobo they had exchanged their tickets from the arcade with.

"Oh, before I forget. Killua, it's the Tanabata Festival tomorrow!" Gon suddenly exclaimed excitedly, causing Killua to look at him in confusion.

"Tanabata? What's that?"

"It's a festival celebrated on the 7th of July, though I heard it varies from place to place but apparently they celebrate it here on July 7, too!" the apprentice butler beamed at him excitedly, "We have it on Whale Island too, you know!"

Killua wasn't particularly interested in festivals. He'd never been to one, anyway. "What's it for? Festivals are some kind of celebration, right?"

"Well, let's see. The legend is about a Silk weaver and a Cow Herd. They met and fell in love instantly," he ignored the 'how stupid' remark from his best friend and went on, "They didn't want to spend a minute apart so they refused to do their work. So God got angry and separated them, only allowing them to meet once a year, which is tomorrow!" Gon had a thoughtful expression on his face, "The stars are really pretty on that day…and you can clearly see the Milky Way too!"

"Heh…that's it?" Killua smirked like he was talking to a kid.

Gon huffed, "And you also get to make wishes. You write them on colored paper and hang them on trees,"

Killua chuckled. It seems like a festival for children. How does hanging colored paper on trees grant wishes? Gon pinched him on the cheek for laughing at him. "Alright, alright. I'll do this Tanabata thing with you. Geez,"

"Really?!" Gon perked up immediately, "What would you wish for, Killua?"

Killua froze. Gon tilted his head in confusion as his best friend seemed to be stuck looking at him silently. So he made funny faces at his best friend, which earned him a wry smile from Killua. "More chocolates, of course," the assassin answered.

"Great!" then Gon stood up and pushed the stuffed toy cat into Killua's lap, "I'll just go get us some drinks," and he disappeared into the afternoon crowd.

Killua, still tickled about the notion of a childish festival, looked at the toy on his lap. He narrowed his eyes at the cat. It does look like him, even the slant of the eyes was so reminiscent it was scary. He didn't know why Gon seriously wanted to keep this particular toy. He just handed it to Gon as a joke and had expected the latter to pass it to another kid. He wouldn't admit that it made him happy that Gon wanted to keep it because he said it resembled him. It was nice to think that Gon was happy to be reminded of Killua. Secretly nice.

The assassin stared at the afternoon sky, his eyes wandering at the vast expanse, without a massive wall in sight. He looked at the town, at the faceless people milling around, not giving him a second glance. He looked at the unfamiliar establishments, at the doors he had never entered before in his life. He looked around him. There was nobody he knew, and nobody who knew him. They don't know there was a killer amongst them, sitting comfortably in broad daylight. He could slash one of their throats and he could do it fast enough that nobody would even think he moved from his seat. They were all just passing him by, not truly acknowledging he existed.

It was comforting...relaxing even.

Isn't this what he wanted all those months ago when he tried to run away from home? A life of anonymity unlike the one he has now, a life without a care about rules or tradition or expectations. Where he didn't have to trade in a life for money. Where he could have friends, when he could spend all day living his life without a care, without thinking about the dangers he'd pose to them because of his crazy family. Where no one knows of his bloody past, where he'd always get a second chance. When he could live with people who thinks he's worth a glance.

_You're a puppet of darkness, without passion. You were born to be a killer._

His brother's cold voice echoed in his head. Killua is an assassin. If he isn't an assassin, would there be anything left of him? If he didn't kill people anymore…If he lived a normal life…If he chose to cast aside what he's expected to be…

_You don't have anything you want. You can't have any desire._

That's wrong. There's something he really wants. Sometimes he doesn't know what to call it. Most of the time, it confuses him. Sometimes it robs him of his breath and sometimes it becomes too bright he had to close his eyes.

Sometimes, he thinks what he's feeling is wrong. Most of the time, it's the only feeling that's right.

Sometimes, he'd be better off alone. Most of the time, it's better to be with Gon.

… _They didn't want to spend a minute apart so they refused to do their work. So God got angry and separated them…_

Killua grimaced, letting out a small chuckle as he closed his eyes. How ridiculous. How utterly ridiculous. There's no way he'd be affected by such a shitty story. Only kids would worry about that.

What would happen if he refused to be an assassin and Gon, a butler?

What would happen?

It's no use wishing for something he's just not meant to have. He wished for freedom once and he got shoved right back where he came from. He even ended up killing the only person he thought he cared for.

Ging wasn't different. So why would Gon be different? Why would he wish so fervently that Gon would be different?

Killua laughed bitterly, shaking his head.  _There's no way…there's just no way._

His wishes never come true.

He opened his eyes and found his line of vision blocked by Gon's face before Gon inched his own face away to a more comfortable distance. "I thought you were asleep or something," Gon grinned apologetically before shoving his hand in front of Killua's face, "Here's your wish!" in his hand was a chocolate crepe carefully wrapped in a cone, "More chocolate!"

Killua blinked stupidly as he accepted the cold treat. Gon placed a can of chocolate drink beside him and opened his own as he sat beside his best friend. Seeing his friend just stare at the crepe, he decided to get a reaction out of him in a sure-fire way.

With a great  _chomp,_ he took a big bite on the crepe in Killua's hands. In a second flat, he was nursing a bump in his head and Killua was fuming as he ate his crepe. Gon smiled amidst the painful tears.

"Excuse me~"

They both turned to look at a girl, quite possibly around their age, peering down at them through heavy lashes. She had badly tanned skin and her face was thick with make-up. She had a sickening smile on her face which made Killua cringe. She had her touch phone in hand, "Do you mind taking a picture with me?" there were giggles behind her, and Killua blanched at the thought that there's more people like her.

Before he could tell her, in a manner as crude as possible, how he didn't want to take pictures with ugly hags, there was a hand hovering in front of his face and Gon was addressing the girl in a serious manner, "I'm sorry, but I cannot allow you to take a picture of him," his tone left no room for argument. It was the first time Killua ever heard his friend sound like that.

Killua promptly closed his mouth as he looked at his friend.

The girl scoffed, "What~~ Are you his boyfriend or something~?" she leered at Gon.

Killua narrowed his eyes. Now that was uncalled for. Gon was just doing his job. Not that they know that. "What's that got to do with anything?" Gon answered, "You can't take a picture,"

The girl placed a hand on her hip and looked down at Gon, "I'm not asking you, spiky." she batted her lashes at Killua, "So, how about it? And then you can join me and my friends for tea,"

A vein popped in Killua's forehead. Nobody is allowed to talk to Gon that way. He pulled down Gon's hand in front of his face and glared at the annoying girl, not caring that she was utterly defenseless from his malicious aura, "My _boyfriend_  said 'no' so piss off, ugly hag," he smirked as the girl's knees buckled under the pressure of his aura, "You're an eyesore,"

When she and her friends just gawked disbelievingly at him; with the white cat on the other, Killua took Gon's hand and led him away. People were starting to stare. "C'mon, my cake must be ready," he said as he pulled his friend through the afternoon crowd.

The pastry shop was just in the vicinity of the square and Killua released Gon when they got to the front door. He realized the apprentice butler was grinning at him. He raised an inquisitive eyebrow, "What?"

Gon scratched his cheek, "I was just thinking that Killua is so cool," and he was immediately treated to the sight of Killua's face turning red.

There was a small squeal behind them and Gon turned to see a waitress at the door hide her face behind a round tray until only her eyes were visible, "G-good afternoon! Please, come in," she gestured them inside the store. Gon pulled an utterly embarrassed Killua into the store as the waitress giggled behind her tray.

A few minutes later, Gon was walking out the shop with a small box full of pastries he bought for Amane and Canary while Killua was contended with the six boxes of chocolate truffles Gon bought for him. It was a small consolation since they couldn't take the cake home yet. "We're really sorry, sir. We cannot fulfill your requests on time today, but we could have it done by tomorrow. We could have it delivered to your house. We're really sorry for the inconvenience," the owner bowed and profusely apologized until Gon convinced her it was really okay and no inconvenience at all. Actually, it relieved him a little that he didn't have to protect the cake from Killua all night long.

He gave her the address, which really just directed them to drop the cake off at Zebro-san's guardhouse, but it still earned a few gasps from the workers, though they were polite enough to immediately shut their mouths and figure this is a matter of life and death for them. After buying a silently disappointed Killua his truffles and some treats for his fellow butlers, Gon and Killua were on their way out.

Outside, they got caught in the crowd again. Killua munched on his truffles, with the white cat toy balanced perfectly on top of his head as he walked a little behind his best friend, who kept talking about random things, "Wow! Killua, I didn't notice that earlier-," he was pointing towards a pet store, "-let's check that out next time," Gon beamed at him before throwing him a reprimanding look, "Don't sulk if you finish all those truffles before we get home. These are only for Canary-san and Amane-san," he held up the box in his hand. Killua rolled his eyes. As if Gon could protect that box if Killua seriously wanted it.

Gon turned and they continued walking. There were all sorts of noises around them, people chatting, cars honking on the road nearby, but Killua drowned out all the noise. There were all sorts of color, from the different clothes to the various stands and the lights ahead, the sky a pinkish orange as it signaled the coming of the night, but Killua perceived them all as mere shadows. Killua stopped in his tracks. Amidst the bustle and all the people between them, Gon was the only person he could see. His friend's back was like a beacon of light Killua could never lose track of.

Killua's feet started moving and rapidly closed the distance. His eye caught Gon's free hand and he almost reached for it when he caught himself and settled for clenching his fist at his side. There's a limit to how much he could ask of Gon. Killua watched as Gon walked away from him again. There's just so much between them he can't explain.

 _Hey, Gon. If I take your hand, will you_  "…run away with me?" he muttered, staring at his friend's empty hand. And then that hand stopped swaying and was raised towards him, as if asking him to take it. Killua looked in surprise at his friend, "Gon?"

Gon was smiling worriedly at him, "Seriously, Killua. If you're gonna space out, then it's better if you hold my hand," and because Killua wouldn't move, Gon took it upon himself to take Killua's hand in his, "I don't want to lose you," he beamed at his friend before pulling him along again. "C'mon, Seaquant-san must be tired of waiting,"

Killua doesn't know if he should be relieved or not. He doesn't even know if Gon had heard him. But one thing's for sure, though. No matter how many weird looks they get, he'd never let go of the warm hand holding his. The white haired teen smiled to himself as he remembered Gon's story about the festival earlier that afternoon.

Would they get punished too? Would he be separated from Gon?

He looked at their hands and the future doesn't seem so scary anymore.

 _I want to go to a far place, farther than I've ever been. Where no one has ever seen me or known me. And when I look at the crowd,_ you'd be the only one I'd see _._

Because he was sure, no matter what happens, he cannot be separated from Gon.

* * *

"Ease your worries, mother. I'll take care of it. I'll be home soon,"

Hisoka pulled on the needles Illumi had allowed him to play with using his bungee gum. Illumi walked back towards him, a mere shadow against the darkened hotel room.

"Trouble back home?" Hisoka said as he flicked the needles back onto a corpse on the far side of the room.

"No. Just a troublesome little brother,"


	9. The Cove

He rubbed the red apple on his sleeve and took a large bite. He relaxed his back against the tree trunk, with one hand pillowing his head. He was sitting on the branch of a tall tree, affording him the view of the setting orange sun over the wall, the sky dyed in shades of orange and pink. A flock of birds flew by, and he sighed, closing his eyes. This is the life.

A few seconds later, he frowned, a corner of his eye twitching in irritation. He's not very fond of being watched. He finished the apple in five more bites. Ging twirled the core in his fingers twice before he threw it as hard as he could. An almost inaudible  _thunk!_ and a rustling of leaves soon followed. The butler hopped down from his comfortable seat, and started walking away. He activated his  _En_  for just a fifty meter radius. The silent little steps following couldn't be any more obvious.

He stopped, facing to his left, "Why are you here?" he asked with a stretch and a yawn.

He could sense the white haired child startle before stepping out from behind the tree some ten meters away from him, "…no reason," he said in a quiet voice.

The butler narrowed his eyes at him, "Then scoot," he made shooing motions, "I don't enjoy being stalked by four year olds for no reason at all," he added with a disgusted expression.

"Five," the child mumbled.

Ging scrunched his nose, "Ah?"

"I'm not four, I'm five," the child cleared up for him. Ging crossed his arms as he peered down at the small creature, forehead crinkled.

"What? When did that happen?" he had to ask himself twice if it's a big deal or not.  _This is a kid, right?_   _Kids look forward to this sort of thing?_

The child blinked at him, "Today," he answered.

Ging paused. Well, it's not like he did not anticipate that. But seriously, why did this kid have to look for him today of all days? Can't he just like, go celebrate on his own or something, with friends, good food and lots of present? But then it clicked. This was not a normal kid, no matter what standards he went by. This was not a normal average kid nor a normal assassin kid. Even Ging knew there's a limit to how much he could bully this kid and how much he could coddle a child assassin though Ging Freecss doesn't coddle  _anybody_  period.

Now what should he do? He didn't have those blasted chocolates on his person right now because he wasn't training him. He didn't want to go back to the butler's mansion yet because Gotoh had been such a nag these days about his drinking habits (he swears on his life he has no idea how he ended up waking beside Illumi of all people- how he managed to sneak in piss drunk in the middle of the night and pass out on the sleeping assassin's bed undetected still baffled and amazed him at the same time though the memory of waking up to Illumi's dead fish eyes with needles aimed at his face kept him on his toes these past few nights).

He breathed out. "Fine," he placed a gentle hand on the boy's head, "See if you can follow me," and he was gone, running in controlled speed, activating his  _En_  for a ten meter radius to make sure the child does not fall behind too far. The brat was getting faster these days but Ging still had to play down more than half of his normal speed to match him.

Soon he reached the edge of a cliff and he looked down all the way to the bottom. Below was a small cove, enclosed with trees that took root at the shallower parts of the lake. The sun is almost down and they must hurry if they want to see the show start. He waited for three more seconds and the brat appeared at his side, slow but without breaking a sweat. "We're going to that cove over there," and without warning, he kicked the child over the cliff. He smirked before following suit. It's always funny seeing that brat flail in surprise before regaining his composure.

Minutes later, they were standing at the shallower end of the cove. The sky had gotten darker and stars were starting to show. Minutes passed and they just stood silently.

"Why are we here?" Killua asked, trying to see what Ging was looking at for the past few minutes, though he could not understand what in this place could possibly catch the interest of the man. He had always been different that all the rest of the people in the estate.

"Just wait, you brat," Ging had a knowing smile as he stared at something ahead of them and Killua found himself staring at the older man. "Soon enough," his smile widened.

Sure enough, right in front of his eyes was a sudden burst of a million tiny lights, a stark contrast to the darkened trees the lights encircled. The lights hovered over the lake, moving to and fro, going from tree to tree and moving again. It was…weird. He placed a hand on his heart. It was beating fast, not because he was in danger and he had to think fast. No. This was… _weird_. He felt warm despite the cold night air. This was really, really  _weird._

Ging watched Killua's expression change in a matter of seconds. It was refreshing to see that the kid did have a sense of amazement. And that he could smile _._ He smiled as the kid looked on at the display with wide eyes, all curious and trembling with excitement, mouth slightly agape. _This is a kid, alright._

"They're tropical fireflies," Ging explained, "They can be found in forests around fresh clean waters, and this is their breeding season,"

Killua's gaze followed a firefly that hovered close to his nose. He raised a finger to touch it but it flew away. He walked until he felt the cool water lapping at his shoes and he stopped, captivated by the natural show of lights. It was really  _strange._ He'd never seen anything like this before, a  _pleasant_  kind of weird.

He felt a heavy fist drop on his head. He looked up at the butler with a scowl. "Did you listen to what I just said?"

Killua glared at him before nodding, rubbing his sore head.

Ging raised an eyebrow, arms crossed impatiently, "Well, aren't you gonna say something?" the kid looked at him with uncomprehending eyes, "Anything at all? No words come to mind?" the kid just stared at him, "Beautiful? Wonderful? Amazing? None?"

Killua narrowed his eyes at the older man.  _What?_

Ging blinked at him for a few moments and Killua felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny. Then the butler knelt down beside him, placing hand on top of his head. He flinched in reflex but the hand just stayed there on top of his head. He slowly opened his eyes. Ging is smiling at him…like Killua did something right. He felt the warmth from his heart spread to his cheeks. He puffed his cheeks and stared at the ground. He didn't understand this at all. It was fuzzy and warm and…safe.

"Look again, Killua," whether it was the way Ging said it in a tone that didn't seem like his usual annoyed one or the fact that he had called him by his proper name for the first time, Killua didn't know what compelled him to raise his head and turn towards the butler. He followed Ging's gaze towards the lake.

"That's what  _beauty_  is,"

Killua's eyes widened in comprehension, a smile spreading on his lips as he was captivated again. "So you describe it as  _beautiful,_ understand?"

The child nodded. And then a finger poked at the place where his heart is, "And this…" the child shot him a baffled look, "You're thinking it's weird, huh?"

Again, he nodded, this time a bit more eager. Ging chuckled and ruffled his hair, "You're such an idiot. That's just happiness. You're  _happy,_ " Killua struggled out of his grasp, "You've been happy before, right?"

Yes, it was something he had felt before. He just didn't think much of it because he had been occupied with other  _new_  things. That first time Ging gave him chocolates and every other time after that when he does something right during training and Ging ruffles his hair and tells him he did a good job. All those times…and this time too. He was happy because of Ging.

Killua tried curving his mouth upwards. That's how Ging does it, right? And Ging wouldn't hurt him if he said what he truly felt, "Ging, I'm happy!" he confessed determinedly.

Ging paused before dragging the boy into a knuckle sandwich, "What an idiot!" he picked up the thrashing child by the scruff of his collar, "Such an idiot…" he said with mirth before chucking him into the cold water as far as possible.

The butler scowled, cheeks slightly red. He did not just think that brat could be cute.

* * *

He expected a great day.

He had woken up early as always, eager to sneak out of the house. It was a bother to have to travel up the mountain just to get some sleep every night, but it's better than his family bothering Gon. Aside from occasional camping outside or crashing in front of the television in Gon's room after playing games all night, Killua tried to at least go home, making an effort to grudgingly let his family know of his presence inside the boring house. It seems to be enough. They normally don't ever talk or gather, anyway.

Though, initially, his mother had tried blocking his way out, but one menacing glare and empty threat later, she was moving aside. It also helped that his grandfather had walked by and had given him leave since it's nothing worth fussing over, he said. So Killua tried not to look too eager to get the hell out of there and took his time walking down the mountain.

This time, he didn't find Gon in the kitchen (thankfully) but in the garden having breakfast with the other butlers. Gon had immediately exclaimed 'Happy Birthday, Killua!' at him the moment he appeared. He had to endure the embarrassment of the rest of the people present offering him the same greeting and well wishes. Hishita brought out a seat for him beside Gon, across from Amane and Canary, who seemed to be giggling at something.

He ignored them in favor of listening to Gon, who was excitedly listing off what he wanted to do that day (after finishing his duties, of course). He didn't really understand most of what he was saying since he was talking with his mouth full. It's amazing he does not notice Gotoh glaring at him from the head of the table.

"Killua-sama, Gon-kun was just telling us about your trip to the town yesterday," Canary interrupted, probably in a bid to stop Gon from talking and finally chew on his food properly since Gotoh's aura had intensified. "You seem to have enjoyed yourselves a lot,"

They had gotten home late last night because of the traffic coming out of the town and it was a three hour drive to the estate through the mountains. He had gone home a little after they arrived. "Yeah. Quite fun."

Canary smiled, "Kon-chan is really cute,"

Killua narrowed his eyes at that, looking at her in confusion, "Kon-what?"

"It's that white cat you gave me, Killua. Canary said to give him a name so I called him 'Kon'," Gon squeezed some more maple syrup on his pancakes, "You see, the 'K' is from you and 'on' is from-,"

"Stop. I get it," the assassin said abruptly. He felt like melting in his seat. He could feel the eyes of the two female butlers boring on him as he picked on his bacon. Just why does Gon have to be  _so_...right in front of these two? "Why that name?" he immediately realized that he shouldn't have asked. Of course, when it comes to Gon, Killua suddenly develops a predilection to dig his own grave.

"Well, he looks like you and he's mine, so I thought it would be a proper name for him," small snickers from the other side of the table. Killua sighed. He probably deserves that.

He glanced cautiously at the two ladies and, as expected, caught Amane with that smug look on her face, "Congratulations," she sneered, "It's a boy,"

 _Argh._ It's only morning and his head is aching already. He slumped on his chair and covered his eyes with a hand. "Are you alright, Killua? Your ears are red!" his seatmate just had to point out. More controlled giggles erupted.

If there's ever a god out there, he can take Killua now.

But, alas, his day had barely just begun.

* * *

"Well, that's a bummer,"

Killua said dully before yawning. He stood beside Gon, who was worrying over the giant beast lying on its back. When Gon had finished going over his duties, it was already almost noon. And then they searched for Mike. They had wanted to play with him (make him jump off a cliff, actually) and found Mike like that, letting out small growls.

Zebro, who was there to get some water into Mike, told them that there had been a small group who had tried to enter the estate the night before and one of them had managed to shoot Mike with a poisoned dart. It seems they knew what they were getting into. But they were still no match for the giant dog who managed to fight off and pick them clean before collapsing under the effects of the poison. It seems it just gives him something akin to an upset stomach. The animal had vomited everything he ate. Considering his last meal, it was not exactly a pretty sight.

Gon frowned, "Poor Mike! Do you want me to take care of you?" he scratched a side of Mike's ear, "Want me to stay with you?"

Mike whined, turning his head towards the apprentice butler and  _nuzzled._ Gon patted him 's eye twitched, expression quickly darkening, foot tapping the ground impatiently. Did Gon forget what day it is? Gon is supposed to entertain Killua today. He  _promised._

Admittedly, he felt bad for the giant dog but he was pretty sure Ging had done worse to Mike when he was being trained. He'd seen Ging make the dog chug down drums of tranquilizer then beat him awake. Poison? Mike will be fine on his own. No need for Gon to fuss. Mike was a lot of things, but before Gon arrived at the estate,  _spoiled_  was not one of those.

"He just needs rest. He'll be fine soon enough. Maybe next time he'd know better than to charge directly at guns," Zebro reassured the distressed teen. He knew the two had plans for the day. Gon was practically buzzing about it since last week while their young master was out on a job.

"But!" Gon started, and just then, Seaquant entered from the side gate, carefully holding up a sizable red box tied with a blue ribbon.

"Hey, a delivery man just dropped this off. It has your name on it, kid," he handed it to the apprentice butler who instantly brightened up.

"Killua, it's here!" he exclaimed excitedly, showing the box to his friend. Killua smirked.

"I can see that," he stretched and cracked his knuckles. "So, how do you plan to do this?"

"With everybody, of course!" Gon answered.

 _That…_ isn't really a bad idea. It's just like Gon to want to have fun with as much people as he can drag. He didn't really think the others around them are a nuisance. It's just that…Gon alone is enough. And he already had enough of Amane to last for the rest of the week. Besides, aside from Gon, everyone else has a job they attend to all day. Aside from breakfast and dinner, everyone takes turns breaking for lunch.

Zebro chuckled as he watched the two teens. He liked observing the closeness of the two. They always had this air of intimacy around them that they themselves seem oblivious to. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who noticed. Seaquant turned back the way he came, backing out of the invitation with a small wave, saying he didn't like sweets. So he followed suit too, he was too old to eat something so sweet, anyway.

"There's a picnic table at the back of our lodge," Ging and Seaquant used to go drinking there all the time, he mused to himself, "The back door is open if you want to borrow some utensils. Just make sure to clean up so we don't get ants," he reminded them before leaving, Gon thanking him.

So they walked to the lodge, Killua sitting down on the bench beside the table as Gon went into the house to get some things. He came out carrying a basket with plates, forks, knives and glasses, holding a pitcher of iced cola on the other. He deposited everything on the table and divided the utensils between them. It was almost the rainy season so it was cloudy and the air was a little bit chilly. It was comfortable, the breeze carrying the fresh scents of the forest.

He watched in anticipation as Gon opened the box and brought out the cake. It was larger than he anticipated. It certainly didn't look like the one he picked from the display yesterday. Considering he did ask for so many extras, he shouldn't be too surprised. The bakers did look frightened when they learned they had to deliver to the Zoldyck estate.

Gon stuck a small candle he found taped on the side of the box onto the cake. "I'd light it up, you make a wish, then you blow it out," Gon explained, pulling out a lighter from the basket he brought from the kitchen. "Don't tell me what you wish for," Gon warned, "Or it won't come true,"

 _There's apparently no need to tell you, anyway._ "Yeah, yeah. Let's do this already. I want to eat my cake," he intoned impatiently.

Gon lit up the candle and started singing a song whose lyrics seemed to only compose of 'Happy Birthday to you'. Killua felt his face redden for the second time that day. Would this day be like this? He then remembered that he had to blow out the candle and so he did, a thin trail of smoke coming from the extinguished candle. Gon clapped and cheered. "Happy birthday, Killua!" He'd never been so glad Gon was the only person with him right now.

He was too occupied with Gon that he forgot to make a wish. Killua watched as Gon busied himself with cutting the square cake. It doesn't really matter, he smiled to himself. He has everything he could wish for right at this table. He doesn't need to reach too far.

They spent the majority of the afternoon just talking at that table. The cake was indeed delicious and Killua made a note to visit the shop frequently. Compared to him, Gon had only eaten a little, saying he was not really that fond of chocolate. That's good, more for him. Gon shouldered most of the conversation, anyway, so he was free to eat.

"Look!" Gon held up a small stack of multi-colored paper strips, "They included some  _tanzaku._ " He found them taped to the bottom of the box.

"What are those for?" Killua inquired.

"You remember what I told you yesterday about the Tanabata festival?" Killua nodded, "This is the paper you write your wishes on," Gon picked up a pink paper and handed it to his best friend.

"Actually, we should wish for it not to rain, because when it rains, the Cow Herd and the Silk Weaver won't be able to meet. But you could write your own wishes, too," he looked up at the sky, it was really cloudy. He frowned, "I really wish it wouldn't rain tonight, though," his voice trailed off.

Killua raised an eyebrow at his friend, "Hm?"

Gon turned to him with a grin, "Back home, we would set up a blanket outside and just lie down and watch the stars. Mito-san said that's the time the Cow Herd and the Silk Weaver would meet and we should be happy for them,"

"And how exactly does this meeting go down?" he asked. This whole business about the two bothers him more than he lets on.

"Well…the Silk Weaver would have to cross the Milky Way using a bridge made by magpies. Stop laughing, Killua!"

Killua held his sides, trying to control the mirth in his voice, "You have admit it is very ridiculous,"

"I wasn't the one who made it that way!" Gon pouted, crossing his arms, "Besides…when I was a kid, I actually felt kind of bad for them," he said with a slight reddening of his cheeks.

The white haired teen snorted, "Don't tell me you believed it…"

"I didn't really think it was real…I just—if I was the one who created that story, I don't think I'd be contented to let it end that way for them," Gon looked down at his lap.

 _No wonder. You're the sort of person who won't stop until everyone gets a happy ending._ "You don't have to be so affected," he hated seeing Gon upset, "It's not real."

"Yeah, I know that. But still, it's really sad!" Gon insisted, "When I think about it- if you really love someone that much, then it must be painful to let them go every single time, right?"

 _Do you really have an idea how much?_ "Forget it," Killua averted his gaze, choosing to watch an ant try to crawl on the table," There's nothing you can do about it. It's just the way it is."

"No," this time, Gon sounded adamant, "If it's me, I would definitely never let that person go!" he declared, "Even if God gets angry with me. Even if we had to run away forever."

Killua's heart stopped at ' _we'_. He raised an eyebrow, "You're serious about this, aren't you?"

Gon settled down again, a bit calmer now, "Just saying. It's not like it can happen to me."

"How confident. It's not like you're in love right now," Killua teased, "You'll never know, maybe someday," he let his voice trail off.

Gon paused for a moment of consideration and then he shook his head, grinning confidently, "Nope. That's impossible."

 _Oh?_ "And why is that?"

Killua watched Gon's expression turn into something he had never seen before on his friend. He didn't believe Gon is capable of looking like that, ever. It was those mirthless brown eyes that hid a world of pain for anyone unfortunate enough to incur his wrath, "If anyone even  _dares_  to tear that person away from me, I won't show them any mercy." Then, as if someone lifted the veil, Gon's face brightened up again, dispelling the shadows, "What about you, Killua?"

Killua let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding, he contemplated for a second and just shrugged, "Probably the same as you,"  _Definitely, if it's you._

* * *

They lingered for a little more before Gon said they should get going around before sunset or else they'll miss it. The sky had cleared up and it seems like it wouldn't rain for tonight. Gon rejoiced openly while Killua was secretly glad. Gon gave him five  _tanzaku_  to make his wishes, telling him to hang them on a tree afterwards. He didn't really have anything in mind yet so he just placed them in his pocket. Maybe he'd think of something to write later on.

As soon as they had cleared out the table, with Gon complaining that he wasn't really helping, they set off to their destination. He doesn't have any idea where they are going because Gon said it would be a surprise.

After a few minutes, they came to a stop of the edge of a cliff and he looked down with Gon at the cove below. His eyes widened in realization as Gon said they were going to have to jump down. Killua kept his hands in his pocket, if only to hide the slight tremble, taking a small step back. He had been there before. It was Ging's favorite place in the forest. The last time was almost a year ago.

He found Ging there that night. It was the first time he thought Ging's smile looked sad.  _Are you happy, Killua?_

It was such a simple question that ended miserably. He shouldn't have expected…he shouldn't have thought…he shouldn't have done…

_Are you happy, Killua?_

… _I will never forgive you._

He clenched his fists hard to stop them from shaking.  _Don't think. Don't think! DON'T THINK!_

"Killua."

Killua broke out of his stupor, remembering where he was. He glanced up at his friend who had a soft smile on his face. Gon is always smiling. "Are you coming or what?"

He shouldn't bother Gon about such things. There's a time and place for that, and it was definitely not now, "Ah, yeah. That cove over there, right?" Gon nodded. Killua smiled and patted him on the shoulder before jumping ahead of him.

Gon's eyes followed Killua until the latter disappeared among the trees below. His smile was gone. He stood there silently for a moment before taking a jump.

* * *

"Took you long enough," Killua drawled as he sat on the grass, staring out into the small bay. The fireflies hadn't shown up yet, but it was getting dark and the stars were visible already. It might be best to not say he'd been there before. It would always be beautiful no matter how many times he saw it, anyway.

"Had a bit of trouble looking for something," Gon plopped down beside him, settling his bag on his other side.

Killua turned to his friend. Gon had an easy smile but he can't help but feel that the atmosphere seemed a bit tense. He hoped it was just him over-thinking again. Gon didn't have to be affected by his own problems.

"You've been here before, right?"

The assassin froze. Gon's tone sounded unassuming but it was like a douse of cold water over his head. He risked a glance at Gon and found the other staring off into the distance in front of them. He didn't seem angry, but then again, what's there to be angry about. He swallowed thickly. Despite his reservations, he wouldn't lie to Gon, "Yes," he must be disappointed that his surprise was ruined.

An open hand slapped down on his back. Killua winced in surprise, rubbing his sore back, "What was that for?!" he snapped at his best friend.

Gon raised his hands in surrender in front of him, "Lighten up!" he didn't look the least bit sorry.

"What?"

"You looked like you're upset you knew we were coming here," Gon cleared up for him, "It doesn't matter, really. It's something to be expected. You've been living here all your life,"

 _Oh._ Of course…when was dear Gon ever upset over anything? It wasn't like him to read too much into anything. Killua's cheeks warmed in embarrassment. He's the one making a fuss over nothing. "But still-," a firefly flew past his face.

They both turned towards the bay. It was already filled with a thousand tiny lights before they knew it. The trees were mere silhouettes against the star-strewn night sky. There was a full moon out, reflecting more sparkles upon the lake in the distance. "…still beautiful." he finished. His lips curved into a smile as his shoulders sagged, releasing all the tension.

"Here, Killua,"

He turned back his attention to his best friend. Gon was looking at him expectantly, a small bare branch in his hand, "It's your present. The most beautiful flower in the world," Gon added with a smile.

Killua stared at him skeptically but accepted the branch nonetheless, "I don't know about that," he turned the branch over and under as he inspected it, "Looks pretty much like a dead twig to me."

Gon merely chuckled at him. "It just seems like that at first glance," he caught Killua's hands and held them steady, keeping the branch upright, "But if you just stay still and wait for it…" fireflies slowly started drifting towards the branch, settling upon the thin twigs gently until they enclosed the whole structure. "It becomes a thing of beauty right before your very eyes,"

 _The man was dangerous,_ extremely dangerous. _And when he saw the person about to attack Canary, he wasted no time jumping in._

_So when they hit the ground, he had pinned both wrists above the person's head with one hand, the other wrapped around the person's neck, and straddled him around the waist to prevent him from escaping._

_The person was now staring at him with wide eyes, mouth slightly open in masked surprise. The murderous vibe was instantly gone, and Gon found himself mesmerized by the color of the other's eyes, a vibrant blue, like the sea back in his home._

Killua was instantly captivated. A warm feeling welled from the bottom of his heart. A sense of nostalgia bursting out of nowhere. He was happy.

Gon watched the flickering lights reflected in his friend's eyes. Killua's expression had softened considerably. The shadows were gone. His friend was smiling again, that sincere smile that always makes his breath hitch whenever it was directed at him. It makes him wonder if Killua is aware of how  _beautiful_ he really is. It was borderline criminal. But then again, Killua  _is_  a criminal. He should be illegal.

"The sap is very similar to the pheromones fireflies emit so they tend to gather around branches," he explained. Killua nodded at him, the only indication he had listened. He was so pre-occupied with looking at the flower. Gon chuckled to himself. Killua is happy with his present. He didn't even notice when Gon's hand fell away from his.

"Happy birthday, Killua," he greeted again.

Killua averted his eyes back to him and smiled beautifully at  _him_ , "Thank you, Gon,"

Gon smiled back at him, hiding his hands behind him. They won't stop fidgeting. Maybe looking at something else would calm him down, so he settled his gaze on the flower Killua was holding between them.

Killua kept his eyes on Gon's face. He always looked so happy that Killua can't help but be swept in his pace ever since the beginning. If anything were to ever take the smile out of Gon…

_Are you happy, Killua?_

How much longer could he endure? How much longer until he could no longer hold himself back? How much longer until he loses everything? How much longer until they break?

Someday, Ging's words will take him away from Gon and it would be unbearable.

* * *

"Well, he's  _really_  tiny, don't you think?"

"It runs in the family. He'd catch up soon enough. His reflexes are astounding and he's already learned to walk at nine months. He hasn't talked yet, though."

"But he's  _so_  tiny. It's amazing you don't accidentally step on him or something,"

"Yes. It is.…Anyway, he's quite a curious kid. He's often missing, wandering around the house on his own."

"He's been standing there for a while now. Is he alright?"

"Kil is fine. Just let him have his fill,"

Ging and Silva watched as a one-year-old Killua stood on the edge of the water. He had wandered there on his own after following a firefly. The two kept a watchful eye on him from behind, though they're not too worried. It was the kid's first time outside and Ging thought kids were entertained with this sort of stuff. He touched the angry red line across his face. Goddammit, that kid better behave now for all the trouble he caused him. Who knew he'd scratch when held by strangers? And Silva just laughed at him.  _Bastard_.

Ging perked up, and then he scrambled to his feet. He went into the forest, "Where are you going?" Silva asked.

"Just looking for something," he answered, wading in the bushes, "Ah! Here it is! Lucky~" Silva heard the sound of a branch breaking and Ging came out into the open again. He held a leafless branch in his hand. Silva smirked knowingly, crossing his arms.

Ging walked towards the kid and knelt beside him, catching his attention. Silva made his way towards them, just in case Killua suddenly attacks Ging again for being too close. Ging handed the small branch to the child, "It's the most beautiful flower in the world," he explained, though he quickly realized that was unnecessary because the kid just blinked at him stupidly. Well… "Don't move," he said.

Killua looked at him, then to the branch and back to him. And then he whacked it at the butler's face. Repeatedly. Ging felt his patience slowly ebb away.  _Brat! I'm never giving you a present ever again!_

Silva chuckled before putting a hand on the top of his son's head, "Stay still, Kil," he ordered. Like a miracle, Killua immediately stopped moving.

Slowly, the fireflies flocked around the branch and the kid's eyes widened, mouth slightly open. Ging looked at him from narrowed eyes. That was the kid's first true show of emotions since they met that morning. "He's not like you, this guy," he mused.

His friend turned to him, "Really?"

Ging glanced at the small kid again, "Yeah. He's different. He's not cut out to be an assassin,"

"He's my son. He's _born_  to be an assassin," Silva grunted.

Ging was silent for a moment before he shrugged, "I guess," Ging ruffled the kid's hair, and thankfully, he didn't attack and just kept gandering at the branch in his hand, "Look at you, so freaking happy. You love it so much," he smiled in amusement.

"…Love?" Killua said in a small voice, staring at him.

Ging and Silva froze. "Love," Killua repeated. "Love!"

Well…maybe not a good choice for an assassin's first word. If Kikyo hears that, she'll go completely bonkers. Ging didn't want to stay around for that.

**Later that night…**

Illumi carried his sleeping little brother in his arms. His father had told him to deposit him in the nursery for the night. He had arrived in the dim room with only a crib in the middle. He was about to tuck his brother under the soft sheets when the boy opened his blue eyes, looking up at him. The child yawned.

"Go to sleep, Kil," Illumi ordered.

Killua reached his stubby little fingers at his face, "Love!" he exclaimed, "Love love love love!"

Illumi paused. A side of his lips curved upwards before he caught himself. He gently disentangled Killua's hands which had started playing with his hair and walked to the door, shutting off the dim lights. He glanced back and saw those blue eyes stare back at him through the darkness.

**The next day…**

"Where's my Kil?!" Kikyo demanded in distress. Her precious son was not in his crib when she came to feed him breakfast.

Milluki went back to his cereal. He kind of wasn't in the mood to tell her what he saw last night. He didn't really want to be ordered to go into his big brother's bedroom.


	10. The Intruder

" _YOU STINKING OLD MAN! HOW DARE YOU DITCH ME!?"_ the person on the other side screamed, prompting the man to hold the phone away from his ear. Man, youngsters these days are so rude.

"I have some personal matters to attend to. I'd be back in two…three weeks." The man answered calmly. "Just be a good little boy and go on home without me," he looked out at the glaring sun, the sea gulls flying over head. The smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves crashing against the wooden ship. Ahh…it's been so long since he'd been on a trip.

" _What about Battle Olympia?! It's in two days!"_

"Oh, come on. You live in a house on top of a mountain. You don't need a penthouse at that level,"

" _You could have told me that last week before you freaking disappeared! Now I feel like an idiot having to protect my spot from all these losers challenging me!"_

"Being a Floor Master is just a waste of time,"

" _SAYS THE ONE WHO TOLD ME_ _ **TO BE**_ _A FLOOR MASTER!"_

Another angry scream. He winced. That made his ear ring. Bad time to have hypersensitive hearing. "Yeah, well…anyway, training's over," a twelve-year-old boy passed by him, all smiles in childish excitement as he ran into the fishing boat ahead. The man smirked, "Gotta run now,"

" _JUST TELL ME WHERE THE HELL YOU ARE SO I CAN KICK YOU IN THE-,"_  the man clicked his phone shut with a gummy smile.

Ging slung his knapsack over his back, eyeing the sturdy old fishing boat bobbing as the waves rolled. He leaned over the dock, checking out his reflection in the clear water. The bandages on his head covering his face were still in place, exposing only his brown eyes and his mouth. He smirked to himself, pulling down his cloth hat. Hopefully, this fishing trip would not be so boring.

* * *

_Hey, Gon! Check this out!_

He'd turn to his friend and find him pointing out a weird mushroom or strange little animals and sometimes, a trick using his Nen. Killua always had that boyish sense of wonder about him whenever they were together. Like nothing's ever going to be serious. Like the world was so innocent, nothing's going to get hurt.

Gon liked spending time with Killua more than any other person he had ever met. It always felt surreal, the way Killua seem to make everything interesting. He was always a great challenge every time they train together. The competitiveness was there, including the aggressiveness, without leaving out the fun. In a second they'd go crazy on each other, the next they'd be breathless from laughing too much.

Killua balances out Gon, whether he's aware he's doing it or not. He's the voice of reason, the thinker, always ready with a sensible plan while Gon just does everything he felt like at the rush of the moment, leaving the clean-up to Killua. The white-haired teenager always grumbled about it but he'd still follow Gon, anyway.

He remembered Canary once saying that Killua was so much happier than she ever saw when Gon started becoming his friend. She had never really seen him laugh, never heard him talk excitedly, and she added, never really thought he'd act like his own age.  _He's really opened up to you, Gon-kun._

Really?

If anything, the more Gon spent time with Killua, the more he notices how much the assassin was hiding from him. It had started out as mere gut feeling. The way Killua looks at him when he thinks Gon's not paying attention. The flashes of fright in the assassin's eyes that he thought he could hide if he smiled. The sad smiles he doesn't seem to be aware he was doing. Gon wanted to ask a million times but couldn't bring himself to. He doesn't even know where to start. He'd always gone with the first words that came to his mind, and it had never failed him before, but this time, they did. Words fail him when he thinks of confronting Killua.

It was fear, he realized. It was fear that kept him from getting answers. He was afraid of what he would hear if he dared. So he convinced himself that it was too soon to ask. There's a time for everything and it's yet too soon. One wrong move, and this time, Killua might never come back to him. Gon was afraid to risk that. He just can't.

_Fear is involuntary, but cowardice is a choice._

The person who taught him Nen said that to him after scolding him about his recklessness, then patting him gently on the head for doing well saving a friend. He did get shocked into releasing his aura when the cabin boy standing next to him got grabbed by the sea monster. And right now, Gon knew he was deliberately choosing to be a coward rather than facing his fears. He smiled wryly to himself, a lot of good that would do him.

He'd never be a true friend to Killua if he kept these doubts to himself. He knew the question he wanted to ask. He had to find out the answer soon.

He knew he didn't have much time. Someday soon, he'd have to leave the estate and when that happens, he wanted to take Killua with him.

* * *

He sat waiting under the shade of the trees, eyes closed as he breathed in the scent of the forest. He crossed his legs as he leaned against the tree, feeling the small animals gather around him playfully. The air was cold, signifying the coming of the rain. It won't be too long now.

It's been a week since Killua had left the estate for another mission. Gon had occupied himself with his duties of taking care of the forest, and getting rid of intruders. It was always the same thing whenever his best friend was away. It was boring, but waiting for Killua to get back home is always worth it. Killua had promised that he won't be gone for too long. A week, he had said he'd be back in a week. He should be back anytime today.

So he had been waiting under the shade of the tree line in front of the testing gate, waiting for it to open and for his friend to be there with that confident smirk on his face. He had been there even before the sun rose up in the horizon, pretty early, but it's always nice to hang out in the forest smelling of fresh morning dew.

Gon stared at the cloudy gray sky. His vision consisted of the tree branches, the sky, and the high walls surrounding the estate. He frowned. He never liked how the walls always seemed to constrict his view of the world. The walls were majestic and Gon was awed at the amount of effort and time it must have cost to build such a towering structure.

It won't be long before he starts the real chase and his world won't be obscured by borders.

He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the gate creak as it opened. He looked towards the entrance, a grin plastered on his face. But his smile slowly faded as the gates opened, but only up to the third door. Killua knew he'd be waiting for him at the other side of the door when he comes home and would always open it all the way to the seventh door, just to show off. Gon only opens the first door when he's just entering the estate casually, with just enough strength in his hands like opening a fridge.

He steeled himself, silently scrutinizing the three people who entered. The gates shut closed behind them, and he barely caught a glimpse of Zebro-san shaking his head, and Seaquant-san drawing a line on his neck with his thumb. It seems the people were meant to be disposed of and in no decent connection with the Zoldycks. As per his duties, he'd have to make them leave. Mike was still out of commission, recuperating on a liquid diet in the shed he stayed under when it rains.

Besides, these people did enough research to know that a huge beast would automatically target them once they enter the small side gate. And they opened the third door- that must mean they could fight reasonably well. Gon finished his scrutiny of the newcomers. It would be better if he could just persuade them to leave voluntarily. The three men were wearing black outfits that covered their whole bodies up to their necks, blue masks covering half of their face until only their eyes were exposed. They looked like a bunch of triplets, in Gon's opinion, with the way that their green Mohawks were also similar.

He hoped Killua would not have to see them, if only to spare these men some dignity. Killua would surely ridicule them to an inch of their lives. Not everyone who comes to intrude upon the estate comes truly prepared. The three men deserved some mercy in Gon's honest opinion.

He got to his feet and proceeded to walk out of the shade. The men instantly got on their guard as he approached. He stopped some five meters away from them, hands on his side.

"I'm an apprentice butler serving the Zoldycks. It would be in your best interest if you'd leave the grounds immediately and never come back," he greeted with a small smile, trying to be polite as much as he could. Hopefully, they'd realize that they're making a big mistake. The men who didn't usually ended up as Mike's next meal.

"Shut up, kid. We're not leaving until we kill every last Zoldyck in this place. So go back to your master and tell him the Chao brothers are here to take their revenge," the one in the middle grunted, glaring at him with blood shot eyes.

Gon kept his calm front, "That's fine and all, but I can't do that. You'd have to leave, mister. I really don't want to resort to unnecessary violence,"

The brother on the left whipped out his hands, and it was full of needles crammed on the crevices of his knuckles. "If you don't get out of our way, we'd kill you. Wouldn't want that, would you?"

Gon kept a watchful eye on any more sudden movements. He folded his hands behind him, "No, I would rather not. But if you keep insisting on getting your way, I'd have to  _force_  you to leave,"

"Tch…" the third brother crossed his hands in front of him, chock full of needles, too, "He's just wasting our time, better get him out of the way," his brothers all took to their fighting stance.

The apprentice butler shuffled on his feet, hands fisted at his side, "For the last time, I'm asking you to voluntarily leave this place," he said in a flat tone, like he's just saying it because he had to. Dealing with stubborn people on a death wish was tiring.

They answered by simultaneously jumping into the air and throwing their needles at him. Gon watched the thousand tiny needles about to rain down on him. In an instant, his hand was on the handle of the fishing rod strapped to his back. He swung it in front of him, deflecting the first onset of needles as he stepped backwards, keeping the metal rod rotating in front of him. Once all the needles were deflected, Gon whipped the fishing pole to his side.

"I gave you four chances to change your mind," he said, stalking towards them, activating his En. He could feel every tremble in their lanky frames as they were swarmed by his malicious aura. It was something Killua had taught him. People do respond well to threats, even empty ones. Gon didn't really want to kill them, but he could pretend to want to. One of them, the last one to speak, finally buckled on his knees, whimpering. Gon stopped a mere two meters from them, "I'm not in the best of moods today, I'm afraid I might not have enough mercy to spare for all of you," he pointed his fishing rod at the brother in the middle. "Say, if I only have enough for two, which brother would you save?"

The oldest brother gulped nervously. His knees were shaking and he knew it won't be long before his knees buckles. The kid had a maniacal expression on his face, like he would butcher all of them and he's going to do it laughing. The rumors were right. The Zoldycks are monsters. It wouldn't be surprising if they are also served by monsters, like this kid. One second, he was looking all sunny and naïve, next, he looked like a vicious murderer.

Gon hoped his words would help the current situation. Those sessions with Killua on torture, coercion and assassination techniques were finally being of use. He desperately wanted to spare these guys. They're clearly trying hard to take on something out of their league. If Canary saw them, it wouldn't even take her half a minute to kill all of them. They were certainly no match for any of the servants in the estate. If they didn't meet Gon, they'd surely be mince meat by now. Maybe they'd listen to reason now.

But apparently, too much panic can cloud reason entirely and even Gon was startled a bit when the man howled before trying to pounce on him. Gon easily side-stepped him and landed a chop on the back of his neck with just enough force to incapacitate him. He fell to the ground with eyes rolled back and his mouth foaming. He turned to the only standing brother, who was shaking in terror. No wonder it suddenly smelled like piss. "D-don't t-touch me!" he shrieked, needles falling out of his fist even while he attempted to swing his hands at Gon.

Gon felt sorry for him, "Okay, then," in one swift movement, he brought down his fishing rod on top of the man's head. The man collapsed in a heap on the ground, unconscious. Then it was the last brother's turn, "Uh…"

The man was kneeling on the ground, tears and snot covering his face, "P-please spare me! I beg you! We'll never come back here again, I swear!" he bowed until his forehead touched the ground.

Now Gon felt utterly guilty, "Alright, alright!" he took the man by the arm and pulled him to his feet. "Take your brothers and go," the man instantly scrambled to pick up his fallen brothers, "You can just use the small gate over there," he pointed towards the side gate. The man thanked him profusely, bowing as he dragged his brothers by their collars until they disappeared from the side gate.

Gon sighed. He used the tail ends of his black blazer to wipe his fishing rod clean. He felt like he had bullied some defenseless people.

He heard the gate creak open behind him and he turned, smile widening as the doors opened up to the seventh. And that tell-tale white hair. It can't be anyone other than, "Killua!"

Killua looked up in time to see a black blur before Gon tackled him, sending him to the ground with the apprentice butler, the doors closing behind him, "Gon?" he blinked, unused to the overenthusiastic greeting. That was before Gon sat up and shook him by the shoulders. He was just glad he didn't land on the numerous needles littering the ground around them.

"Killua! I just tried doing what you taught me on some people!" Gon announced cheerfully, "It worked! It made me feel a little sorry for them, but it worked!"

The assassin narrowed his eyes at him, mindful of the way his best friend was practically sitting in his lap, "What are you talking about?" he tilted his head in confusion, "Wait, was it those men in ridiculous outfits crying outside?"

Gon nodded eagerly. Killua snorted before bursting out laughing. No wonder they looked so shaken. He and Seaquant had a hoot and a half picking on their outfits before sending them away. They were cursing and sobbing as they went. Serves them right for underestimating their opponents.

Gon got back on his feet and pulled Killua to a stand. The assassin held his sides, biting his lip to stop himself from laughing, "What do you want to do now? Do you have to go home first?" Gon asked.

"Nah." Killua chuckled, "I'd ask Gotoh for breakfast first," it would be nicer to eat at the butler's mansion than with his mother fawning over his shoulder about a job well done.

"Okay. I'm also a little bit hungry," Gon walked ahead in front of him.

The assassin was about to walk beside his friend when he noticed it. He stopped in his tracks, a smile slowly forming on his lips, "Gon, you have a giant freaking pin stuck in your head!" he laughed. Gon probably thought he had perfectly evaded all of them. It barely peaked out of the spikes in Gon's hair. The golden pin didn't seem to be embedded too deeply for someone as sensitive as Gon didn't even notice he was hit.

Gon sulked, running his hands through his hair to find the pin, "Aww…I thought I was good back there…" he groaned.

Killua laughed, "Well…it seems like they got you good," he pulled the pin out for his friend. It came off all too easily. He showed the pin to the curious apprentice, "See how-," Killua's eyes widened in shock as he watched Gon topple to the ground, a hand sliding along his pant leg as he tried to support himself on Killua to no avail. Killua froze in cold sweat, his eyes snapping towards the unconscious apprentice butler crumpled at his feet. "Gon?" he stared in horror as Gon didn't move.

"Gon!" Killua called again desperately. He knelt beside his unresponsive friend, shaking him. He ran his hand on Gon's scalp. There was no blood. He turned Gon on his back and checked for injuries. None. Gon was perfectly normal. No sign of any entry wound. Then what did this to him? Did pulling out the pin on his head do this?

"Dammit, Gon!" he slung the apprentice butler over his right shoulder and ran as swiftly as he could to the butler's mansion.

* * *

Killua sat on the chair next to Gon's bed, watching his friend's peaceful expression as he slept.

He had taken Gon straight to the mansion's infirmary, and rattled the resident doctor to look him over. That was when Hishita and Gotoh had entered and told him to calm down and wait for them to finish examining the apprentice. He watched from the next bed over as they deliberated his friend's condition. He felt so drained.

They said Gon was perfectly fine. He was just asleep. As to what caused it, they could only deduce that the pin must have some kind of tranquilizer that triggers when the pin is removed. They reassured him that the apprentice would wake up on his own soon enough. That had been hours ago. It's almost night time. They even moved Gon back to his own room to sleep it off.

Killua grimaced as Gon stirred, and went right back to sleep. In truth, he had been so terrified when Gon had collapsed on him without warning. He didn't even manage to catch him before he slid to the ground. He felt like his heart stopped and all he could think about was the worst possible scenarios. Gon could have died right then. What if it wasn't just a simple tranquilizer that was in that pin and he had recklessly pulled it out? Would he have killed his friend accidentally?

That thought still made his blood run cold. He stared at his friend's prone figure on the bed. How easy could it have been for Gon to die…

The door opened and the lights in the room went on, casting a bright yellow light upon the spacious area. Killua had to squint his eyes as he turned to the door where Canary and Amane were standing, the former with a look of pleasant surprise on her face.

"Killua-sama, they said you already left," Canary said as she approached the bed, looking over the sleeping apprentice. Amane gave him a casual bow as she stood beside her friend, choosing to remain silent. "Is he alright?"

They must have thought he did, since he didn't come down or move for anything since he sat here, which was probably since around lunch time. It was already dark and cold outside, with a slight drizzle. "Yeah," maybe he should go home now. Gon would be up and about the next morning for sure, "I should be getting home now," he stood up and made for the door. "Give me a call when he wakes up,"

Hishita offered him an umbrella before he got outside but he refused, saying he'd probably get to his house before even getting soaked.

He ran as fast as he could through the forest paths, sometimes taking shortcuts by some trees. The rain had intensified all so suddenly, fat droplets falling on his face as he went. Everything seemed cold and gray and Killua didn't like what the scenery reminded him of. He'd rather forget but-,

He sensed something cut through the air and he stopped abruptly, skidding on the muddy ground for a few meters. He sharpened his vision, claws out and ready as he scanned his darkened surroundings. There was something lurking in there, something dangerous. He grit his teeth as a figure moved in the darkness. Tall figure, long black hair, wide black eyes.

Killua's eyes widened in realization, "A-aniki?"

Illumi raised a hand in greeting, "Hello, Kil."


	11. The Brother

After bribing the boat captain to let him tag along, Ging sat on the roof of the captain's cabin, under the shadow of the sails. He observed the people on the ship. All the fishermen were experts in their trade, relying on skills gained through experience. None of them were really strong and any use in combat. If anyone were to raid the ship, they'd have no chance. To him, they all seem like a bunch of normal people.

Then the twelve-year old boy caught his eye again, prancing around asking questions of the crew who were all too happy to oblige him.

"He's been asking to come on the boat for a long while now. Look at him all excited. It's nice to see youths interested in this sort of thing. They don't seem to want to work hard to earn their keep anymore, with all those computer jobs and stuff. Not a job for a real man, I say," the captain spoke from the side of where he was sitting, taking a swig at a small silver canteen.

Ging slunked back down on his seat against a wall. "He's just twelve, right? Why did you allow him on a dangerous fishing trip? He could be killed," he asked, feigning interest. He's pretty certain on the answer, but there were pretenses he had to keep. Besides, he wanted to learn what others think of the boy.

"Ohoho…he's not just an ordinary boy!" the captain chuckled fondly, "You'd be amazed! He's really strong, even if he seems scrawny. He's famous over the whole island. Why, just the other day he captured The Master of the Swamp! Even five grown men can't even manage to land that monster. Would you believe it!? He's truly amazing, that small boy. I'm actually glad his stern aunt finally allowed him to go,"

Ging grimaced.  _That Mito never changed._ He could almost hear her nagging him all the time about his reckless behavior. "Hmm…" he watched the boy pester another man carrying lobster traps. He was just asking and asking and asking. Ging smirked, pulling up his scarf over his face. He was just the same all those years ago.

Days passed quickly. Ging just sat on the roof of the captain's cabin, earning himself quite the mysterious reputation from the rest of the crew. Part of the bribe was the condition to leave him alone. He seemingly just slept all day, coming down only for food and toilet breaks. Only the captain talked to him, though sometimes he catches the boy looking at him and when he does, the boy would grin widely, wave at him and continue on his duties of helping anyone else with theirs. He was quite diligent and hard-working, and while looking like a klutz, he's actually meticulous about his tasks. He's a fast-learner, and fun to work with because he's always so eager.

On their fifth day out, the boy finally came up to him, waking him up to have dinner. It seems he had overslept. He rubbed his eyes, the boy was sitting crossed legged beside him with a tray of warm food in hand, waiting for him to take it. "Hi! I'm Gon! I brought you some food, mister…?"

Ging set the tray down, "My name is Nigg…just Nigg is fine," he tasted the hot chicken soup. It was down-right horrible, but still, food. So he bravely swallowed the stuff down. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the boy looking at him expectantly, fingers drumming on his thigh. "What?"

"How is it?" Gon asked. "The soup,"

"…eh." He shrugged nonchalantly, continuing to eat, "Would have killed a lesser man," the drumming stopped, and Ging cautiously glanced at the boy and panicked, "Wha-?"

The boy looked at him with teary eyes, biting down on his lip, "D-did you make this?" Ging asked. The boy nodded. "It's…okay!" the boy instantly cheered up, Ging could imagine a tail wagging behind him.

"Really?!" Sparkly. So sparkly. This kid's a dope.

Ging nodded, spooning more soup into his mouth. It refused to go down but he tried his best to keep it from coming back up. Tears welled in his eyes. He usually ate alone, which was more because of his shy nature. He was glad it was dark.

"I didn't notice you go down to get food so I thought to bring you some. But the crew ate all of it, and the cook seemed tired already, so I tried to make you a new one. It's only from a can, though. I just reheated it," the boy explained.

Ging narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Maybe it just tasted horrible because the soup is expired (in truth,  _it wasn't_ ) and the boy didn't notice. Yeah, that must be it. It takes a special kind of idiot to screw up simple reheating instructions.

He sensed the boy relaxing, straightening his legs and leaning his back on the wall beside Ging. The older man set down his empty bowl, followed by washing it down with cold water. He swears he'd never be late for meal times again. "Thanks for the meal, boy,"

"You're welcome!" Gon grinned.

This was followed by a long stretch of silence with Ging awkwardly settling down on his back with his arms under his head, looking up at the stars and Gon following suit, a mere two feet beside him. He wondered why the boy wouldn't go away. It was quite uncomfortable, lying so close to the son he left all those years ago. It seemed surreal even. "Aren't you gonna go back inside?" Ging asked, trying not to sound dismissive.

The boy instantly sat up, looking apologetic, "I'm sorry. I was wondering why you liked this place so much," he scratched his cheek awkwardly, "The stars look great and it isn't as noisy as the crew's cabin. They all snore really loud," he moved to stand up, gathering the tray.

Ging sighed. "You can stay if you want," the tray was immediately set down again and the boy resumed his previous position, "…I...don't mind,"

"Thanks! Because I really, really wanted to talk to you!" Ging froze.  _Did he-?_  No way.

"About what?"

"Hmm…" the boy hummed in contemplation, "Why did you join this trip? You don't seem interested at all,"

Ging relaxed again. "Thought it would make for a nice little break from my job,"  _aside from getting away from a brat who won't stop pestering me all day,_ "What about you? Did you want to be a fisherman?"

There was a pause before the boy shook his head, "It's really fun. I like it," he answered, "But I don't think this is it. How about you, Nigg-san? What's your job?"

"Whatever I want," which is pretty much the truth, "I do favors from time to time," like training a certain brat and maybe one of these days he could start teaching him some manners, "Nothing set in stone, really," he doesn't remember the job description. He's the Head Butler, apparently, and for some reason, everybody respects that, no matter how many lectures he gets from Gotoh every single day.

"Sounds nice," Gon said wistfully, "At home, they all want me as an apprentice so I get around a lot. They're all so nice to me,"

Ging crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow, "But?"

Gon tilted his head in confusion, "But what?"

Ging looked at him in silence for a moment before shaking his head, "Nothing, don't mind me. Go get some sleep," maybe he's just over-thinking it. But he thought there was something more to that sentence that was left unsaid. He settled on his back, staring at the stars. It took a few moments for the boy to listen to what he said, lying on his side a few feet from him.

"Good night, Nigg-san," Gon yawned.

"Yeah, 'night,"

The next night, disaster struck.

It was a stormy night, the boat rocked sharply as the waves tossed violently against the sides. Ging stayed with the captain inside the navigation room. The rest of the crew were below deck, probably asleep in their hammocks, seemingly used to being caught in bad weather. All of a sudden, there was a loud cracking sound and the boat lurched forward unnaturally, as if they hit something. Then came the blood-curling howl. Ging jumped to his feet, rushing out of the room and onto the deck.

Large red eyes turned to him from the darkness. "Well…" he mused to himself, "That's quite the large octopus," its head was larger than the ship. A huge tentacle, almost as thick as the mast, suddenly struck at him, which he just easily side-stepped before chopping it off by concentrating some of his aura on his hand. The monster howled in pain, withdrawing its limbs. "I'm too lazy to play with you right now,"

A siren sounded throughout the ship and within a minute, the crew were all running out of the cabin, weapons at the ready. Ging casually stepped out of their way. Seeing as none of them seemed the least bit scared, he just let them do what they have to. He's not there to interfere with their jobs anyway, he's made that pretty clear since the start of the trip.  _Where's that kid?_

Then there was an angry yell from the deck and he raised an eyebrow as a huge amount of aura emanated from the boy. Everyone around him fell to their knees from the pressure.  _He brought out his aura out of sheer desperation._

He watched the boy jump at the monster, clasp his hands together and bring it down with all his might at the junction between its eyes. The monster gave out another howl and slowly slunk back into the ocean and out of sight, causing a huge wave to fall onto the deck, washing away the destruction, including the boy. The men nearby scrambled to their feet as they tried to make a grab for the unconscious boy but they didn't reach in time and Gon slipped off the side of the boat and into the tempest-tossed water.

"Gon!" a crew member called out and suddenly he looked up and there was a man standing on the railing, busily tying a rope around his waist, "Huh?"

"Hold this for me," Ging dropped the other end of the rope at the bewildered man before jumping into the raging sea.  _Why can't I just take a break from looking after troublesome kids?_

* * *

The sound of the rain roared in his ears as he stared in apprehension at the figure slowly melting from the pitch darkness. He could feel the cold seeping through his hair down his clothes, making him feel numb all over. His sneakers dug into the softened ground and he took a small step back. He felt like running but he knew it would be no use.

His brother was already standing a few meters from him, looking at him with those dead fish eyes Killua doesn't know where he got. But no matter, Illumi was always the last person he wanted to see.

Killua gritted his teeth and reluctantly straightened up, clenching his fists on his sides, looking sideways to the ground. He could feel Illumi's gaze boring down on him. "When did you get back?" he asked.

Illumi crossed his arms, "Just this morning. Thought I'd wait for you at the gate. Mother did say I should talk to you as soon as possible."

Realization dawned on Killua so fast he almost didn't manage to control his horror. He turned to face Illumi with as neutral an expression as he could put on, "That pin Gon was struck with…was it from you?"

Illumi raised an eyebrow, then as if just remembering what Killua was talking about, raised a finger, "Oh, that! Well, I thought letting intruders escape with their lives, given the vendetta they have against the family, is a job poorly done on his part, don't you think so? Some punishment had to be in order, that's all."

Illumi watched as his little brother's façade slowly cracked, not that Illumi thought Killua had been calm the whole time, "Leave Gon alone. He didn't do anything wrong!" the silver haired Zoldyck almost yelled at him, hands morphing back into claws at his sides out of instinct. He immediately decided he did not like how much emotion his little brother had been showing since that morning.

The raven pretended to put on a thoughtful expression. He was almost behind Killua, and he could clearly see the slight tremble in his little brother's frame. It seems his little brother needs to be thought another line lesson about keeping in line. "Why are you defending a mere servant? You never batted an eye when  _you killed_  so many before…"

In the depths of his mind, Killua could hear the pitiful pained whines and the sharp cracking of bones from a distant memory.

_Crack. Crack. Crack._

His nails dug harder into his palms that it bled, but he didn't notice. He was too busy trying to remind himself to breathe, to keep his distress from showing, to keep the fear out of his voice.

But it was getting harder as the whines and cracking sounds in his head grew louder by the second.

"…don't…" his voice cracked a little, so he tried again, "Just don't…It's  _all_  my fault…" and that's the truth. It was just him that's wrong, "I'm the one who wanted…"

Illumi stopped in his tracks. He was on Killua's left side now and he could clearly see the struggle in his brother's stance. His eyes were wide and wild, a forced grimace on his lips. He decided it wouldn't take much now. Killua's slipping. "Did I hear that right? You  _wanted_?"

Killua turned his head towards him with a visibly horrified expression that almost made Illumi laugh if only he was capable of such an act. He could see his little brother's lips struggling to string some words but before his wits could work for him, Illumi cut to the chase.

He released a bit of his aura, the type he knew Killua was familiar with. He knew Killua would associate it with his memories of Illumi training him when they were young, judging from the way Killua seemed to fold onto himself slightly despite staying on his feet, nails no longer digging into his palms

"Kil, you  _don't_  want anything or wish for anything. As one who lives in the shadows, you can only feel pleasure when people die. That's how you were raised." Illumi tilted his head slightly to the side, "Or is it that you want to kill him yourself?" he asked.

The answer came out instantaneously and it irked him a bit, "No!" Killua blurted out then tore his gaze away from Illumi immediately, "…never…Gon is..." his voice gradually lost its strength, "I'd never hurt him." He whispered almost to himself.

Illumi pursed his lips nonchalantly, "Really…that's no good." He moved a bit closer to Killua and forced him to meet his eyes by standing in front of him silently for a few minutes until Killua turned reluctantly, "Tell me what he is to you, then,"

That seemed to do the trick, was what Illumi thought as he was treated to Killua's slack-jawed expression, one he hadn't seen in quite a while. If he remembered correctly, it was also raining heavily the last time he saw his little brother react like this. How ironic for the father and son to elicit the same reaction.

Illumi waited for a while before walking away, "Okay, I'll kill Gon!" he declared with a small wave at his little brother over his shoulder.

"Please wait!" Illumi looked at the hand gripping his sleeve, to Killua standing with his head bowed, breathing heavily through his mouth like he'd exerted himself too much just deigning to touch Illumi.

Illumi turned around to face his brother, making Killua drop his grip. Illumi watched silently as Killua wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and the slight redness of those eyes did not escape him despite the darkness. He did not really like where this is going.

"Oh, Kil…" he placed a hand on top of Killua's head which earned him a small gasp, "You'll have to kill me if you want to save Gon."

Killua froze.

Illumi bent his knees until he was level with Killua's gaze, "Will you fight me for his sake?"

And there it was again, the fear.

"You can't do it. Because you're more worried about whether or not you can defeat me. And you already have your answer: I'm not strong enough to defeat my brother. Never fight an enemy you can't beat. I drilled that into you."

Illumi then held his brother's face in his hands, looking into his eyes, those eyes that were slowly losing their vibrancy. "You don't have the right to make friends. Nor do you need friends. You should just listen to me and do your job as you always had."

His brother remained frozen staring at the ground after Illumi had let him go and started walking away. With one last glance, Illumi looked at Killua over his shoulder, "I won't kill him. I just wanted to remind you how easily people could die,"

His brother visibly tensed again.

"Kil, you know better than I do that you aren't qualified to be his friend," Illumi said as he blended into the darkness.

* * *

It all started when, one afternoon, he pestered Ging to teach him something cool. He was eight at that time, and all he had was time on his hands. Seeing that all he ever saw Ging doing was slacking off on the job- surely sleeping and fishing all the time wasn't part of Ging's duties as the head butler-, he just thought it might be a better use of time to have the old man show him some legitimate skills. His father always held Ging in the highest regards and would tell Killua that Ging was one of the greatest Hunters in the world.

Why someone presumed so great was spending all his time sleeping, fishing and drinking, the child would never know.

He found Ging sleeping under the shade of an orange tree. The old man probably fell asleep after having lunch, judging from the small mountain of orange peels beside him.

"I'm busy. Go away, brat." Ging drawled lazily, pulling down his cloth hat to cover his eyes. He turned to his other side to further emphasize his point and promptly tried going back to sleep.

It was late in the afternoon and it had been a really long day. Ging had just spent a whole day trapped in Tsubone's day-off ideas of relaxation and barely managed to sneak away after switching places with an unsuspecting Gotoh who had just come back from the Zoldyck's mansion.

It might be prudent to not come back to the butler's mansion until the next week. Maybe the old woman would be done with knitting quilts by then.

The eight year old snorted in disdain at the older man's dismissal. Picking up small rocks, he pelted the sleeping man until the latter was forced to sit up and glare at him. "You said you'd teach me something cool! Get on with it, old man!"

In all honesty, Ging never exactly told him anything of the sort. But his father  _did_  say that he could learn a thing or two from Ging.

Ging narrowed his eyes at the white haired child, and was met with an equal glare until Ging rolled his eyes and laid back down. "I never said I'd teach you anything, much less anything  _'cool'_. That would be a damn waste of my time on a disrespectful twerp such as  _you_."

Killua grit his teeth, threw a bigger rock aimed at Ging's head which was just effortlessly swatted away without even looking, and walked off into the forest, deciding to find something to vent his frustrations on.

He did not notice he had already walked into a foxbear territory until he heard some growling a few meters from him. He could see the towering creature on its hunches, sharp canines and claws bared at him. Killua smirked, morphing his left hand into claws and stepping closer to the beast. Maybe fighting an angry beast could make his afternoon a bit more eventful.

Killua lunged at the creature. It was strong and a bit agile for its size, but it was no match for the little assassin. Within a few minutes, Killua was peering down at the bloodied carcass of the beast, wiping the blood on his now back to normal hand on his shorts.

That was when he noticed Ging standing a few feet from them, looking horrified, worried, angry and honestly, the child couldn't tell. It was the first time he saw Ging look not so bored. Killua was confused. Did Ging run all the way here because he thought Killua couldn't handle a foxbear on his own? That was laughable, but hey, Ging had never shown some concern before when Killua was in danger…most of the time, it was actually Ging who puts him in danger. Killua threw him a grin.

Ging clamped his mouth shut and walked towards him. Killua laughed. "So, finally got you awake, huh, old m-," he did not finish his sentence when Ging struck him on the cheek. The child's eyes widened as the sharp pain registered and his cheek stung and reddened. Ging's eyes were so cold it was as if a bucket of ice water was poured over Killua's head.

"Why?" Ging asked in a firm voice.

"Why what?" Killua answered back, a hand trying to soothe his stinging cheek. He was confused and growing angry at Ging. What did he hit him for?

"Why did you kill it?"

"It was growling and looked like it would attack me,"

"Then why didn't you just run, you dumb brat?! You're fast enough!" Ging lashed at him.

Killua narrowed his eyes, unsure why Ging was making a big deal out of this, "I was bored, okay?! I wanted to do something fun! So I figured killing it would be fun!" Seriously, if he's that worried, he should show it better than scolding him.

Killua watched as Ging's expression hardened and he could no longer read him. Was he angry still? Or was the answer Killua provided enough to calm him down already? "So it was just for fun?" Ging's voice sounded like he had given up. Good, Killua thought.

Killua crossed his arms in front of him and tapped his foot impatiently, "Tch. This wouldn't happen if you just taught me something. It's your fault-," he closed his mouth when Ging just walked past him and into the foxbear's den. "Hey, what-," Ging was walking out with a furry little creature in his hand and a relieved expression on his face. "What's that?"

Ging rubbed the back of the slumbering creature with a gentle hand, "It was just born a month ago, can't even eat on its own yet" he said with an even gentler expression that made Killua embarrassed to look at him too long…and maybe a tad bit envious.

"W-well, better kill that, too. Babies can't survive by themselves, right?"

He heard Ging sigh before something warm and soft was placed on top of his head. Killua looked at him in confusion as he picked up the cub and held it in front of his face, "What do you expect me to do with it?"

"Since you want to be taught a lesson so much, then I'll give you this one: a lesson in responsibility. Go take care of that cub. Make sure it survives and learns to live in the forest. Shouldn't be too difficult for you," Ging informed him.

Killua snarled at him, pushing the cub back to Ging, "What the hell?! I don't have time for that!"

Ging had the gall to sneer at him, "What? It's so simple. Or is it too much to handle already? Oh, well, it was pretty obvious for a brat to be unable to take care of another brat." Ging looked so unimpressed at him, so much it really pissed off the eight year old whenever he does that.

"Fine! I'd take care of him!" he declared, determined to show up the old man. "I can do this!"

It was a whole lot of hardship.

King (Ging was the one who named him-Killua thought he was just lazy) was a month old male foxbear with no skills yet whatsoever, aside from moving himself around and whining. He had to learn how to hunt for food, to get a sense of the forest around and, according to Ging, to live like the 'King of the Forest because that's what Foxbears do' as he put it.

It shouldn't have been too difficult to demonstrate and have the mini animal mimic him if not for the apparent contempt it had for him. King wouldn't allow Killua to touch him once Killlua had put him down that first time and had since taken to snarling and ignoring him most of the time. The eight-year-old's patience was wearing thin just on the first day that the animal refused to follow him and just stayed beside the burial mound Ging made for its mother.

"Let's get going. Come on, King," the little boy beckoned to the curled up animal.

King had refused to budge from his spot for the last two days and Killua could see the effects of starvation on the animal. It was weakening and would definitely not last for another two days. Ging had gone by once a few hours before and gave them a long look before going on his way and not returning since.

"King, eat this. And drink this," he pushed a lump of meat from a deer he hunted early that morning and a half-coconut shell of freshwater. He was supposed to teach him to hunt for food and drink from the river and not offer him food as easily as this. But the animal did not move, and whined a bit when Killua prodded, baring small harmless fangs when it was annoyed enough.

It must hate him a lot, the child thought. He wondered if it was because the cub is aware that he was the one who killed its mother. It was making sounds again, and Killua realized, it still sounded a bit like crying.

Was the cub crying because of his mother? Just because she was dead?

He can't remember how many targets he had killed that past month alone. Those people's families…are they also crying? Were they also like this for the people Killua killed?

At that thought, he felt something lie heavily on his heart. He looked down at the place where his heart was beating. It hurt. He placed a hand above his heart and squeezed. The pain still wouldn't go away.

"Hey," he sat beside the animal and hugged his knees, hand still at his heart, looking at the mound of earth before them. "Ging said that you should go back to your den at night,"

It was gradually getting darker and colder and it felt like it would start raining soon. "If you get wet at night, you'll get a cold. Take cover at the den, King," he ordered again. The wind blew and Killua suppressed a shiver as he pulled his hood to cover his head. "Listen to me,"

There was another cold breeze and Killua shivered. He glanced at the tiny creature curled beside him. It gave a small pitiful yelp before becoming eerily still. Killua was alarmed. He jumped to his feet and rushed to touch the animal. It did not resist. He could feel a faint heartbeat but the animal was slowly losing warmth.

Without a second thought, Killua took off his hoodie, wrapped the animal in it and took off in the direction of the butlers' mansion with King safely tucked in his arms.

* * *

Killua could still remember how anxious his young self had been as he carried that young animal to get help. He clutched his head as the memory of his own words echoed in his head.

That child. That stupid child who kicked down the door and pleaded for Ging, of all people, because the animal was dying and Killua doesn't know what to do.

" _Please, help me, Ging. He's really cold. Please, do something,"_

It must have surprised Ging and the butlers that he actually knew how to say 'Please' because they had stared at him for a good minute before Gotoh moved and took the bundled up animal from his arms and disappeared into the next room.

He had stood there silently until he felt Canary dabbing a handkerchief at his cheek and smiling warmly down at him.

That's when he realized why they were staring. Killua had been pleading with tears rolling down his cheeks.

It was embarrassing, to say the least. And it became even more embarrassing when Ging ruffled his hair and laughed heartily despite the reprimanding looks he was getting from everyone else in the vicinity. Then he abruptly stopped and asked everyone to leave the room for a while.

When they were left alone, except, not really because he could see the butlers peeking through the cracks in the doors, Ging sat down on the floor in front of him and smirked, "Mind telling me what  _that-_ ," Ging pointed at his eyes, "-is all about?"

That time, he did not know what to say. He knew he was sad, but he did not know what the salty liquid coming from his eyes was about. He wasn't even aware it could do that.

"Don't you know?" Ging had asked. Killua had shaken his head.

Ging had grinned at him then, "Those are tears, Killua. You were crying just then. People do that when they feel an extreme emotion, such as sadness and joy. So what is that about, Killua?"

He had lowered his head then as he told Ging the events that happened before he came to the mansion. About King ignoring him and not eating. About King whining and crying. How he was wondering about the people left behind by the people he had killed. "And then, this started to really hurt a lot." The boy placed his hand in front of his heart, "No matter what I do, it wouldn't go away,"

He had looked up to see Ging with one of his eyebrows raised, urging him to continue.

"It feels…heavy," he finished.

"I see," Ging placed a hand on his shoulder, "Have you apologized to King yet?"

He must have looked like he's drawing a blank again when Ging just sighed and cursed Killua's dad, "Sorry. You say 'sorry'. Whenever you feel like that," Ging tapped a finger at Killua's heart, "it means you have done something you feel bad for,"

"I feel bad for killing those people?"

Ging crossed his arms, "…for now, let's just say you're feeling bad for King. So that means you have to apologize to him. And there are certain rules when you apologize to someone,"

The head butler held up one finger, "'What do I do next?' You make a promise with them about that. Then you make sure you honor that promise!"

He was an impressionable child back then. He soaked up every bit of Ging's words like it's the only truth in the world. He was naïve when it came to Ging and he had smiled when he said a small, "Okay!" as the scenarios ran through his head of what he would promise to King once he apologizes.

Looking back, fifteen-year-old Killua wanted to strangle himself for believing that such a single word could change his mistakes. It certainly didn't change him and it certainly didn't save King.

Ging had been there when he ran to the small pillow where the butlers had placed King and apologized to the weakened animal.  _"I'm sorry I killed your mother, King. I promise I'd be the one to take care of you from now on,"_

For the next few days that King was recuperating at the mansion, Killua tried his best to get him to eat. When he still wouldn't eat anything Killua presented, he would let Canary feed him but Killua would always be within the room. It took four days before King gave in and took a bite from the meat Killua held out and another day for King to let Killua actually touch him. By the time a week had passed, King could sleep in Killua's lap.

It was then that Ging had them kicked out of the mansion and ordered again to teach King how to live in the forest on his own. Killua continued to follow through on his promise to King. He taught him how to hunt, to search for water, to find and build his own shelter. It was hard work and took a lot of patience, but little by little, Killua found himself having fun spending time with the animal.

"Well…I did say your friends would have to be kind of special," Ging said as he took a bite of the skinned rabbit Killua had been roasting for himself over a fire near King's den. Killua was watching King eat a rabbit the animal had chased on his own that afternoon. After stomping on Ging's feet for stealing his dinner, Killua reclaimed his food and sat down in front of the fire.

"This is what having a friend is?"

Ging placed another skinned rabbit on the fire, "Yeah…taking care of them, making sure they are keeping themselves alive, among other things…hmmm. They're actually a lot of trouble and really exhausting." He laughed. And indeed, Killua was actually tired as hell already by then. "And you still keep them, anyway,"

Killua had a feeling he knew why a person would do so much for a friend, "It makes one happy, right?"

The old man smiled at him, "Because you love them, yes,"

Back then, Killua didn't understand what love really is. But whatever it is, it must hold true as long as he was taking care of King.

Until Illumi arrived.

_Crack. Crack. Crack._

He'd never forget the sound of King's skull as it was squashed under his brother's foot and the cries he made as he suffered the agony of dying.

And that the image of Killua leaving him behind might be the last thing King ever saw before his beady black little eyes popped out of their sockets.

He swore he'd never take care of anybody else ever again.

Then a year ago, Ging told him, " _He's a lot of trouble. I'm sure that when you meet him, you'd end up taking care of him."_

_**Crack. Crack. Crack.** _

* * *

Gotoh gently placed the phone down as the person on the other end slammed it. Well, Milluki had never been pleasant conversation ever. The butler took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. There was a storm raging outside, as it had been for the last couple of days. Gon and Canary, who were stationed outside, had been cooped up in the butlers' mansion for the duration of the storm, only to be called out if someone was stupid enough to actually attack the estate. So far, none had tried.

Last time Gotoh had checked before he answered the phone, Gon, Canary and Amane were playing a board game in the living room along with the younger apprentices. Hishita was in the kitchen making them snacks and Tsubone was helping him.

 _Just my luck,_ Gotoh thought. It was fortunate that all the toughest fighters among the butlers were currently inside the mansion. And Gon had been rested properly following the attack on him a few days before.

The fifteen year old spritely young butler had woken up from what he deemed was a comfortable sleep early the next day of the attack much to the relief of the butlers. There were truly no other side effects and overall, Gon was in perfect condition. Of course, the teen had immediately asked where Killua went and didn't fuss much when told that their young master had gone back home.

It's been three days since Gon had woken up and just a few moments ago, Gotoh was informed by a very angry Milluki that, apparently, Killua is yet to show up at the main Zoldyck mansion and Kikyou is giving everyone else hell for it.

A search order was issued since Killua is surely still within the estate. And with the weather outside, and the one person their young master actually really liked still inside the butlers' mansion and very much wondering why Killua's taking too long to come back from his house, Gotoh assumed it was one of those days. Those very, very bad days.

With a sigh, Gotoh buzzed for the intercom to the kitchen, "Hishita,"

" _Yes, Gotoh-san? Sorry, the kids ate all the mont blanc already_ ," came Hishita's voice on the other line. He could faintly hear the sound of the younger butlers arguing over the last piece of creme brulee in the background and Gon seemed to be winning with the words, " _Killua could come back any minute now and he will kill me if I don't save him even one. He actually bit me for snatching one of his truffles when we were stuck in traffic coming back from the town, you know!"_

" _Liar. I did not see any bite mark. So just where did he bite you?" came Amane's voice._

" _Amane, stop teasing. Look, you made Gon-kun blush," Canary reprimanded in a not-so convincing tone._

Gotoh allowed himself a small smile, "Hishita, bring everyone to my office. I have a mission for all of you,"

* * *

" **Killua!"**

It felt like twilight when he called his name.

Like a blind man who regained his sight, everything was suddenly too vivid.  _Much_  too vivid.

The raindrops pouring from the sky. The blood running down his arms. The heart beating in his hand.

The body that locked him in an embrace. The head that rested on his shoulder.

"…G-Ging?"

Ging's blood running down his arms. Ging's heart beating in his hand. Ging's loosening grip at the shirt on his back.

His hand. Killua's hand. Stuck in Ging's chest. He hurriedly pulled it out and more blood gushed out.

"Ging!" he hurried to catch Ging as he fell, holding him close, gripping him tight. "I'm sorry, Ging! I'm sorry!"

But Ging did not forgive him. Would  **never**  forgive him. And as he felt Ging's last breath against his neck, his tears started falling.

It was cold. So cold.

…

Ging is dead?

 _Somebody_  save him.

 **PLEASE** , save him.

 _Somebody help_.

Ging is dead.

Ging is dead.

 _GING IS DEAD_.

…

…

…

_**I** _ **KILLED HIM!**

**...**

**...**

**...**

Killua curled tighter into himself as the wind howled louder. He could see Ging standing in front of him, grinning like he always did when they were happier. He shut his eyes and buried his face in his arms, sobbing.

"...help...me."


	12. The Teacher

Gon woke up with a start. His vision was bleary and his whole body ached. He wanted to move but it doesn't seem like he had the strength to do so. He had never felt this drained in all his life and he felt helpless. He turned his head slowly to the side. He was in a warm bed, with a small lamp hanging overhead. The floor was swaying. Oh, right. He was in the middle of a fishing trip. The twelve-year-old closed his eyes again. He had a terrible headache.

He heard a door creaking as it opened and heavy footsteps coming near him. He opened his eyes again as he sensed someone sit on the bed, placing a cool hand on his forehead, "Good, your fever finally subsided," the scratchy voice commented. It was the captain. "You've been out for a good two days, boy."

Gon tried to remember what had happened. There was a storm that night, and a sea monster came up from the depths and started attacking the ship. He saw a large tentacle grab the man next to him and he had been so adamant about saving the guy.

He didn't know how it happened but suddenly he felt very powerful and he lunged for the head of the monster which was starting to eat at the bow of the ship. It was over in a matter of seconds and that was when he was suddenly felt a pain so intense, he couldn't even support himself and got thrown off the ship after a huge violent wave crashed upon the deck. He was vaguely aware of something pulling him back and he was out. "Somebody saved me,"

"Aye, you should thank him. If it was just us, we wouldn't have been able to find you in that maelstrom," the captain grinned at him, "He also took care of you the whole time you were out. You owe him your life, that you do," he pointed a thumb towards the window seat where Gon could make out a sleeping figure.

"Nigg-san?" Gon inquired, he couldn't see well because he was lying flat on his back on the bed. He wanted to stand and he felt like he could. He looked over at the captain but before he could ask for assistance, Nigg was already walking towards the bed, apparently awake the whole time. Gon tried to sit up, but he couldn't move his hands. That was when he noticed both his forearms were in casts. "What?"

Ging stood at the foot of the bed, arms crossed, "Your forearms are broken. And I assume everything else hurts?"

Gon wanted to nod but thought otherwise. It made him dizzy. "Yes," he mumbled, "What happened to me?"

"You forcefully opened all the pores in your body that releases your life energy. You're lucky that's all you got. More than half the people who do that the way you did die immediately after releasing it one time," Ging explained. He wasn't one to take care of other people. He never did believe he had such a capability. But there was no one else to take care of Gon as every hand was busy repairing the ship, so Ging would have to do.

While Gon was unconscious, Ging noticed that his micropyles had not closed, slowly draining the boy of his life force. Gon wouldn't have survived if Ging did not stop the flow for him, rendering him in a temporary state of Zetsu until he recovered. He would have used his Nen to speed up the healing of the boy's broken arms but Ging thought it might be a good lesson on recklessness. "I controlled it for you, but you'd have to eventually learn to do it for yourself,"

"Can you teach me how?" Gon's voice was filled with excitement. Ging remembered Mito's voice telling him,  _Can't you take care of him?_ He shook his head to dispel such thoughts.

"I can't," he answered. He doesn't have enough time for that, there's only four days left until they make it back to Whale Island and he would have to leave again, "There's people specifically for that. Go find them yourself,"

The boy seemed down after that, "I see…," and then he instantly recovered again and beamed positively at him, "Thank you for saving my life, Nigg-san,"

Ging looked away, scowling.  _Tsk. This guy knows what he's doing._ It wouldn't be the first time the boy would make him agree to something. He turned back to the boy, "I guess…I can at least teach you the basics, something you can do on your own before you find a proper teacher,"

* * *

There was something terribly wrong.

Amane could feel it in the air, but not because of the howling storm. That's a pretty natural phenomenon on the mountain, kind of part of the natural defense of the estate. However, she could not pinpoint where exactly she could sense this foreboding sensation that felt like bile was threatening to rise up her throat. She glanced at her companions around the table still playing Monopoly. Gon was looking dead inside as he mortgaged his last property just to pay for landing on Canary's Boardwalk hotel. Amane wanted to tease him but the dread made her feel like she'd puke if she opened her mouth. She hates this. It felt so much like  _that night_. She hates it so much.

She bit her lip and pilfered a cream puff from Gon's snack plate to get a rise out of him. Nothing like sweets to calm her nerves. Gon was pouting now as he was finally pushed out of the game, trying to regain some sense of dignity out of his bankruptcy. He looked so much like Ging in that moment that something in Amane's heart ached.

Ging's mannerism did make him more awful than a real child.

He had always been like that ever since their first meeting. She had been seven years old, freshly orphaned due to a car accident, with only the grandmother she had never met before the only family left in the world. Her grandmother had sought employ with the Zoldycks shortly after being widowed in order to support her child and had never been able to see them since though the paychecks regularly came. Amane's mother only had kind words to describe Tsubone and the sacrifice she made, that's why she had no qualms following her grandmother to the estate when she showed up at the hospital and offered her a new home.

Amane finished her tea and sat back on the couch, closing her eyes, feeling a headache coming. It had become a reflex reaction about anything concerning Ging.

After the awkward introductions she got as her grandmother showed her around her new home, she saw him, this man who seemed out of place. He was wearing slovenly clothes and had a generally unkempt appearance. But despite this, she could feel the dignified aura emitting from the man. This man is dangerous, that much even she could tell, like a force of nature.

She had stared up at the scrawny man peering down at her with an expression akin to horror. It made her uncomfortable with each passing second of his intense attention. She slowly wiggled her hand out of her grandmother's grasp and had cautiously backed a step. That seemed to break the man out of his reverie.

"You mean to tell me  _this_ is your granddaughter?!" he had exclaimed at her grandmother in indignation as if he had been betrayed "Who? What? Where? When?  _How_?!"

Ging Freecss is a very rude man.

As she grew up in the mansion, Ging became her object of curiosity. She observed him in between her training and the rare times he successfully managed to show up. He never does his job, he's almost always drunk, he doesn't show an iota of respect for their masters, he disappears from the estate for indefinite periods without any notice and it's doubtful that he even takes a bath. It's not even a secret that everyone wants to punch him in the face.

And yet…Ging Freecss is, without a doubt, dearly beloved.

She could hear it amidst the dozen complaints and insults the other servants had about Ging. She could see it in the glares. She could feel it in the punches, the slaps, and the strangleholds. It was strange. She doesn't know how he did it. Gotoh-san is a stickler for rules and Ging is the resident rule-breaker, but he always lets him get away with it. Grandmother is fiercely loyal to the master's family and Ging won't stop bickering with the master even in her presence, but she always fawns over him.

He rarely displayed his own power, but it was widely known that before he entered the estate, he was one of the top five Nen Users in the world and that he still is, aside from being obscenely wealthy, rumored to be even more so than the Zoldycks. So what was he doing playing around as a servant?

Ging Freecss is a very fickle man, she concluded.

But one thing is for certain, though - no one could match the depth of his heart.

She could see it in his aloof nature. She could see it in the way he always tries to sneak away when there's too many people around. She could see it in the way he appeared to grudgingly be taking care of their young master. She could see it in the way he beat his young ward up, all the bickering, all the fights, all the biting. She could see it in the way everyone who observes them had that tender look in their eyes.

She felt it in her own little heart every time he never failed to notice her "cute little button nose".

Amane opened her eyes to find Gon sitting on the other end of the couch, massaging her feet as he watched the others play on the table. He turned to look at her, "Are you alright now? You look like you're having a headache again. Should I ask Hishita-san for medicine?"

Ah, Gon-kun is such a nice boy, unlike that disaster of a human being that was her first love.

Amane smiled softly, her headache gone. "No, I'm fine. Just remembered something," she relaxed as she burrowed further into the warm couch. The storm had not subsided at all outside and the dread still lingers but she thinks she'll be alright now.

Gon tilted his head in confusion but decided to let it go and continue massaging her feet.

She had been about to fall asleep when Hishita-san appeared at the door with a grim expression on his face and told them their orders.

So she pulled on her raincoat and went outside with the others.

"Hm? Amane, have you seen Gon?"

Amane looked up at Canary who was holding an extra raincoat in her hands. Gon was nowhere to be found and the ache in her head was downright nauseating.

* * *

He won't go away.

He was now sitting next to him in that familiar slouch.

He won't help him anymore.

He can't save him anymore.

He's gone. He will never come back. Killua made sure of that.

So, it's useless for him to be sitting beside him now. It was not comforting in the least.

So Killua tried his best to ignore him and hope that he'd go away soon.

But he couldn't shut his eyes any harder. He couldn't squeeze his own arms any tighter.

He couldn't shut him out.

" _Killua, I saw my son a few years back."_  he was saying him with that stupid sheepish smile on his face.

You did? Why are you telling me now?

" _Remember when I left you in the middle of Battle Olympia? I accidentally boarded a boat that passed by my home island, thought it would be interesting to check up on things since I was already there and all. Figured he should be old enough to take the Hunter Exam."_

So that's where you went back then?

" _Would you believe he almost died on me because he forcibly awakened his Nen abilities?"_ he chuckled, as if he didn't just say something worrisome.

Was he stupid or something?

"… _anyway, I ended up teaching him the basics. He's a fast learner, that one. Listens well, too. Unlike some shitty brat I know."_

That's because he did not grow up knowing what a shitty person you truly are.

" _Someday, I'd like you to meet my son. I'm sure he'd be a lot like me. So be prepared, he sure as hell will be a lot cooler than a snotty brat like you!"_

God, I hope nurture is greater than nature on that one.

" _Rude. I agree."_

So, what's he really like?

" _He's a lot of trouble. I'm sure that when you meet him, you'd end up taking care of him."_

-what?

" _Are you happy, Killua?"_

-what did you say?

" _Besides, you were lonely all this time, weren't you?"_

 _-_ no, you don't understand.

He opened his eyes and King's beady eyes stared at him from the distance.

**Crack. Crack. Crack.**

Killua scrambled to the ground as the bile rose up in his throat. He coughed violently as there was nothing more to empty as he had not eaten for days. He dry-heaved as he tried to regain control of his breathing. He sat up on the root of the tree he was sitting on, looking up at the raindrops as they fell from the spaces between the leaves.

Ging knew what happened to King. What it  _did_  to Killua. He was the one who dealt with him back then when he was so angry at himself, he almost- Ging knew that and he's making him take care of a human being? His son? His  _real_  son?

He couldn't do that. Ging would hate him. He can't stand to disappointment Ging.

Something snapped inside his mind back then. Then there was only black and Ging's beating heart.

He should have run away faster.

He closed his eyes.

"Killua, are you there?"

He screamed.

* * *

The storm had raged all morning and night for the past two days. It made convenient travel options outside the estate impossible to maneuver and thus there was no choice but to wait it out. It was fortunate that Hisoka was a rather patient person since he obediently stayed inside Illumi's room like he told him to. Otherwise, he would have been forced to provide entertainment and not the fun kind.

Illumi leaned on his hand as he sat in his minibar, watching the storm outside his room from the glass window. He could barely hear the shower turn off. Moments later, he could see Hisoka exiting the bathroom through the reflection of the glass, wearing only black pajamas borrowed from his closet, toweling his red hair dry. The killer clown caught his gaze, smirked and stalked towards him. Illumi poured him a fifth and refilled his own.

"Mother just issued a retrieval order for Killu." Illumi tutted, "I've been trying to see if he'd come back on his own,"

Hisoka looked at him from the corner of his eye as he downed his glass, "Sometimes I can't tell if we're talking about your brother or your dog. I'll admit that for the first few years I knew you, I assumed it was a dog,"

"If a dog gave me this much trouble, I would have killed it already," Illumi turned to look at him with his dead expression, "Killu had always been difficult to control, even more so lately,"

Hisoka stretched his hands upwards and turned his head sideways, easing the cricks in his neck, "So, are you finally going to tell me what you brought me here for?"

Illumi pushed away from the bar, a small rare smile playing on his lips, "I want you to take care of someone for me while I fix Killu,"

"Again, a dog."


	13. The Friend

Ging observed the aura surrounding the boy at a controlled level. Gon was a fast learner and he managed to open his micropyles again without shocking his body so much a few hours after he woke up. Now, two days into their lessons, he was training him to sustain Ren for longer periods of time since he could only still manage it for three hours.

Due to favorable strong winds, they were set to reach home the next day so Ging just taught him the basics on how to use his Nen without exhausting himself. Having done the water test, he also found out his son had the same ability as him, an Enhancer. He thought it would have been more interesting if he took after his mother, a Specialist.

"Nigg-san?"

Ging perked up from his seat on the window sill. Gon still had his eyes closed, but he had that easy smile on his lips that warned Ging that Gon was about to start firing questions again. He sighed to himself. Well, it's not daily that his son could be an annoyance to him, might as well humor him. "What?"

Gon opened one eye, "What did you want?"

"Ah?" Ging gnarled before getting a blank from Gon. He looked to the side, scratching the back of his head, "What about what I want?"

Gon thought for a second, "I'm just curious. When we were talking on the deck last time. I wanted to know what you wanted," he closed his eye again, s small smile lingering on his lips.

Ging observed his countenance for a moment. The boy seemed a little tenser than he was a second ago. Curious and excited but trying to stay calm. Ging concluded that the boy knew more and less than he should have at this point. He doesn't know how to deal with him yet. He'd honestly never thought about it all these years. Ging placed his feet firmly on the floor and crossed his arms in front of him.

"Hmmm…I guess it's that something I can't see in front of me," he answered.

Gon's eyes flew open and he stared wide-eyed at the older man sitting with his arms crossed over at the window. "Something that you can't see?"

Ging was fourteen when he left Mito and his grandmother alone to fend for themselves. He practically hopped onto the next vessel to leave Whale Island, which turned out to be a part of the Hunter Exam. Being told about the benefits of being a licensed Hunter, he signed up for the exam and ended up being the only person to pass that year. It was just a convenient tool to get at what he wanted. He chased everything he wanted to all the corners of the earth. Always about what he wanted that he eventually forgot about what's important.

Until one day, he realized he had nothing important.

Ging nodded with a faraway look, "Yes. I was constantly after what I want even if in the end, I'd just realize it isn't something I particularly care about."

"Going after what you want regardless of its value to yourself...was it fun?"

Ging considered him for a moment and just shrugged, "It was."

Gon smiled at him as if he understood, "That's nice," he paused, "Everyone back home offered to teach me their trade but I still can't decide because I don't know what I want," The prospects didn't excite him, he wanted to add, but that would be rude, "All I looked forward to was sailing away on this boat," his voice sounded a little off, Ging thought. "I don't even know why,"

It's just a matter of time before Gon sets out on his own. And while there's much to gain by learning things the hard way, Ging had the strangest notion to give the kid a hint on what he should truly be looking for. But then again, is someone like him in any position to do so? He was a dumbass who stumbled blindly until he figured out what he was really meant to be doing. He's glad Mito came through on this one. Gon grew up having what's important. Now he wants to chase after what he wants.

Ging stood up and walked to the table, picking up an apple, "Looking forward to something  _is_  wanting something, boy," Ging said, biting into the fruit, "So what if it has to take you far away from the place you're  _familiar_  with?" Gon stared blankly at him, "Humans are selfish creatures. It's natural to have something you want. It's also natural to fear what lies outside your territory. Fear is involuntary, but cowardice is a choice. You know three out of five deep-sea fishing boats get attacked by mysterious creatures and never come back…" he didn't need to check to know that Gon indeed was aware of that fact, "-and yet,  _here you are_ ," he looked over at Gon, "You've already made a choice, boy, and you chose to do what you want, regardless of the people you leave behind,"

The boy looked at him reverently, curiosity gleaming in his eyes, "How far did you have to go to get what you want, Nigg-san?"

Ging averted his eyes, choosing to look at the ceiling, "Really far. Far enough,"

He didn't know what Gon saw but his next question was, "Are you happy now?"

Well, he never thought of life in measures of happiness, but looking back on it, "I regret nothing," it didn't feel like the answer that was required of him.

Afterwards, they talked so far into the night, Ging was still talking when he noticed that Gon had already nodded off so he sat back on his perch on the windowsill, staring at the dark ocean. He had let on more about himself than he thought he'd ever share with anybody, let alone with his estranged only son. He didn't know why he wasn't interested before, but Gon did turn out to be a lot like him when they were the same age.

"I was messed up for a long time. What I wanted came before what was important," he said to no one in particular. "You know, kid, I've learned that you don't need to see them in front of you to know that they are important. It may be something that you can't touch, or you can't hold. It could be intangible and fragile. But when it's precious, it always stays inside you."

"It's nice if you could decide on your own path. And it's also fine if you can't find it, that's the privilege of the young. There's so many that you can take, and there's no right one. It's your choice if you want to get side-tracked or stay on the path. But once your path intersects with that one special person, that's when you really go places. Far more than the things you want, the things that are precious to you are sure to have stumbled there along the way."

He thought for a moment before he looked around the room for his meager belongings. He pulled out a small voice recorder from his rucksack. He used to carry it around on archeological sites to record his findings. He hadn't used it for ages but he had kept it in pristine condition. He doesn't know what he's doing. He looked at his sleeping son again and made up his mind.

One day, someday soon, he's going to leave this place and never come back. There were still many things he had to say, the things that could only be understood if they were said. He looked at his son sleeping soundly and decided. He pressed the button.

"Hello, Gon."

* * *

"Killua, are you there?" Gon called, leaning down to the small entrance. He swore he heard something. And then he saw Killua's face.

Before he could react, Killua screamed. Gon was taken aback at the heart-wrenching sound. It's like the very sight of his face was terrifying to Killua. It was like telling him to go away.

At a loss at what to do, Gon scrambled to reach Killua only to be violently kicked back into the open. He easily landed on his feet, nursing a bruised arm. "Killua! It's me! It's Gon!" he called again, frantically. "Come out of there!"

The screaming subsided. He waited for a few minutes before he noted movement and Killua climbed out underneath the tree roots and stood there in silence with his head bowed. Gon couldn't see his face clearly in the dark. He tried to assess Killua for any injuries but he didn't seem to be hurt anywhere aside from scratches on his forearms. He heaved a sigh of relief and approached his friend again, reaching out with his uninjured arm. "Hey, are you alright? We've been waiting for you."

He can't say he didn't expect Killua to swat his hand away. He can say it hurt more than physically. Killua had never rejected him like this before, not even the first time they met.

Gon swallowed the lump in his throat and let his hand fall back to his side, his eyes looking at anywhere else but the person in front of him, "Let's get you dry at the butler's mansion first before you go home, okay?" his gaze inevitably fell back on his friend but he still can't gauge his expression.

"You can have dinner and I've fought very hard to save you the last serving of desert that Hishita-san made, that one you like. Amane-san really wanted it." He let out an anxious laugh. His eyes darted back to Killua. No change. Not even a spark of acknowledgement, "It's really good." He scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

Seeing as nothing gets a reaction out of Killua aside from trying to touch him, Gon made a grab for his hand and quickly found himself pushed away. He stumbled back a few steps before landing on his bottom on the moss-covered forest floor. Gon no longer felt like fooling around. He sat there silently for a while, looking up at his friend. He still can't see Killua's face but he could see the slight tremble in his shoulders and the hands fisted at his sides. "What's wrong, Killua?" he asked seriously. "Tell me what to do so I could help you, that's what friends are for. I'm going to stay here until you tell me."

The thick canopy above shielded them both plenty from the storm but the damp was getting uncomfortable, not to mention they were both quite muddy. He watched as Killua stopped trembling and lifted his head and looked him in the eye. Gon felt his heart drop. It was the most heartbreaking and hopeless expression he'd ever seen on his friend. It felt like he wasn't really looking at anything, he really wasn't seeing Gon, "What-"

"Last year," Killua started, a light tremor in his voice. "Last year, Ging told me about you. He told me…he told me to take care of you," his voice broke, "As if I had a fucking good track record of taking care of others, he told me that,"

"I was a mess." Killua continued, "And I tried to run away one night,"

Gon watched as tears rolled down his friend's face, and he knows Killua won't welcome any comfort from him, "I killed everyone who tried to stop me, and Ging he…he was there! He was there and his heart was in my hand and I can't fix it-I couldn't do anything-"

Killua sobbed, "Ging—he told me…" he paused, words getting stuck in his throat, "He said that he'll never…never forgive me," he said in a voice that is almost a whisper, like it ripped out his own heart to say those words.

Gon frowned, "Killua, I—" he tried to interject, reaching for Killua's shoulder, maybe to shake him back to his senses, he wasn't sure but Killua was suddenly pinning him down to the ground, "Killua, stop!" he tried to get out of his friend's grasp but Killua had always been stronger. Killua punched the ground next to Gon's head and Gon stopped struggling and looked at him.

Killua met his best friend's eyes. He looked scared. His heart clenched painfully as he tried to push out his next words, "I killed Ging. I killed him, even if he's the most important person to me. Even when I cared about him the most."

He'd do anything to save Gon, even if it means he had to lose him.

He loosened his hold and Gon still remained motionless beneath him, like all the fight had left him. It felt cold, "Can't you see, I kill everything I love." Killua sneered, "And whenever I'm with you, I feel like killing myself."

Gon gasped and opened his mouth to speak but Killua was faster and he had a hand covering his mouth. He could hear Gon mumbling beneath his palm and he felt his heart quicken at the indignant look he was giving him, as if Killua said something he shouldn't have, as if out of everything Killua had said, that was what he took offense on. Gon tried to pry his hand away but to no avail.

Since the start, everything about Gon had felt pleasantly warm to Killua. He was like the sun, and all he wanted to do was bask in his presence. Warm and bright against his cold and dark. Like the moon, Killua could only hope he could reflect even just a little of that light. The light that are at times too dazzling Killua must sometimes avert his gaze. He wondered how they even managed to get along as well as they did.

But he didn't deserve him. Illumi was right about one thing. Killua did know better than anybody that he doesn't deserve to be Gon's friend.

He looked his friend straight in the eye, "Gon, I don't want you…"  _to be like him_ , he thought to himself _, please don't end up like him_ , "I don't want you…" he repeated, and it broke his heart to keep staring at the hurt in Gon's eyes.

He wanted to tell him he never wanted anyone more than he wanted him. That he wanted to stay in this bad relationship forever.

Killua felt more lucid now than he'd been in months, he'd never been clearer about what has to be done here so he could set things right, so he smiled cruelly down at his best friend in the world "Go away. Just go away. Far away where I can't see you."

That day in the town, he regretted taking that hand and not running as fast as he can. Maybe they could have gotten far. To a place where Ging, Illumi or anybody could never separate them.

He let go and walked away, not daring to look back at the boy he left behind him, "You don't belong here."

* * *

"I don't really like working in the rain," Hisoka sulked as he sat on a rock ledge next to a standing Illumi, getting pelted by a tropical storm. "Your baby brother's friend doesn't seem all that interesting too,"

Illumi followed his brother's figure with his eyes until it disappeared under the forest shadows. He crossed his arms and looked down at Hisoka, "If I remember correctly, you're one who insisted on being useful,"

Hisoka scrambled back to his feet, "No, I just wanted to make you owe me a favor," he pouted.

"Then what about the dinner at that five-star hotel you already made me pay for," Illumi raised an eyebrow. He'd had to kill two people to afford it.

Hisoka sniggered, "Oh, Illumi-kun, that was a date," and then bent backwards to dodge a giant pin thrown at him. "Alright, please don't hurt me, Illumi-kun,"

Illumi glared at him for a moment before going back to observing their target, "That's Ging Freecss son."

Hisoka stopped giggling and stood up straight, looking at their target with curiosity, "You're really only mentioning that now?!,"

There was an incident almost three years ago in Peijin when the two of them were soundly beaten by the man Illumi seemed to disdain more than anybody else in the world. It was the only time he witnessed Illumi get his own ass handed to him, something even Chrollo Lucilfer had not managed to do to the assassin. Perhaps because he was not a Zoldyck and he went a bit overboard with excitement, he barely managed to escape with his life and limbs intact. He forgot he still owes Machi a shit-ton of money for that incident. Sadly, he never got a rematch because the man was harder to pin down than the leader of the Phantom Troupe. Even more sadly, he's already dead.

"You can do whatever you want with him, just make sure Killu never sees him again," Illumi said before Hisoka ran down the ledge with a manic expression, heading towards his target.

_Someday, he just might kill you for the sake of a friend._

Illumi laughed as he remembered that long-ago conversation. Just like he'd always known, Ging Freecss is wrong. Wrong about many things, wrong about Illumi and most importantly, wrong about Killua.

* * *

Gon stared up at the sky obstructed by the forest canopy, little droplets of rain falling gently down on his face. Killua had been gone for a few minutes.

He'd give his friend a few minutes advantage before he beats the crap out of him for daring to lie to his face.

It left him wondering though.

When was it?

When did it change?

It wasn't like this at the beginning. But everything seemed so different suddenly. Killua was different.

But he should also tell Killua he'd been lying to him all this time, too.

"Gon-kun! Gon-kun! Are you okay? Did you find Killua-sama?" a frantic Canary appeared in his peripheral vision, coming down to a stop and sitting down beside him.

He doesn't know what to do. He just realized he wasn't all that prepared for this.

"Canary-san, what should I do?" he felt slightly embarrassed that it came out like a whine.

The girl tilted her head in confusion, "Hm?"

Gon turned his gaze back to the holes in the canopy, "I think I'm the one who's been hurting Killua all this time."


End file.
